To be upset at the reason I was not invited

[Yorkiepud2614]

Hello
I just need some outside perspective on this issue because it’s caused a little bit of a rift between me and my partner.

My partner of 2 years has been asked to be best man at this best friends wedding (taking place 3 hours south of our home).

We waited for the proper invites but after hearing that his friends had got theirs (we assumed ours were just lost in the post) my partner called up to double check the dates so we could book a hotel room.
He was then informed that I was not actually invited to the wedding. Partner accepted this but I was a little hurt.

This was just over two months ago and my partner has just met up with the groom (he lives about an 8 hour drive away) and the groom confessed I wasn’t invited because my partner had left the grooms granny’s funeral after spending four hours there to join me at a local music festival (these tickets had been his Christmas present) and also because my partner did not fly down to see the groom on this birthday.
He couldn’t afford the flights (weekend in summer) as we had a wedding in Rhodes a few weeks later.

im quite sad that my partner is still going to be best man at this wedding after the reasons given for me being the only partner excluded.

should I pull on my big girl pants and get over it?

This whole situation is incredibly strange and immature. Take a massive step back and just support your partner in what is bound to be a gradual decline of a good friendship.

And OP should tell her boyfriend to get stuffed if he's willing to go along with this.

I bet a £1000 that your "d'p has blamed you for all the times he's had to pull out of things. He sounds like a bit of a dweeb.

It all depends what your relationship with your partner is like OP. It sounds like your partner is either using you as an excuse or he's lying to you. I can't see any reasonable man old enough to get married getting involved in this manner with someone else's relationship.

So, possibly your partner has been blaming you in a chauvinistic way this whole time...

I'd still have expected an invite

Apparently he'll have more fun without you(!)

Tells you everything. Either your partner had bad mouthed you behind your back or his friend took a dislike to you all along and had been two faced.

Regardless of how complicit your partner is, we know a few things for certain:

• He's a coward, who lacks skills to handle conflict (doesn't bode well for your future), he can't or won't stand up to his friend,

• He doesn't respect you or he'd never let his friend talk about you that way,

• He values the friendship more than you,

• He is most concerned with how he appears to his friends above anything else, which indicates poor self esteem (backed up by the fact that he won't relinquish the best man role in order to stand up for you,

• He has low to zero emotional intelligence

...I'm sure there's more If I think about it. What a real catch he's turned out to be.

Someone once told me that you can learn a lot about a man from his friends and that you need to like & respect his friends for the relationship to work. I learned the hard way how true this is.

You deserve better, op.

Happy to spoil a relationship though?

That would be the finish for me

Why is it compulsory for the groom and his bride to invite some woman they have met at most three times to their wedding?

It isn't. The point of this thread are the reasons the groom gave

You have a partner problem - not a groom problem.

It’s not, and if he’d said, ‘We didn’t invite Mildred because we only want close friends and family’ the OP probably wouldn’t have thought twice about it. It’s the weird tenuous excuses that are causing the spidey senses to tingle.

If you're partner doesn't have your back now he's not going to have your back once you're married, or if you have children. He's shown he's got the backbone of a jelly fish. This would make me consider the relationship.

Back to the wedding, the groom is spiteful for excluding you in a tit-for-tat magnet, but that's small fry compared to your partner's actions.

It's their wedding. They don't have to invite people they don't know or don't like for whatever reason to their wedding.

I* wasn’t invited because my partner had left the grooms granny’s funeral after spending four hours there to join me at a local music festival (these tickets had been his Christmas present) and also because my partner did not fly down to see the groom on this birthday.*

This is ridiculous to be honest. Who goes to their friends Gran's funeral - he went for 4 hours - surely that was enough to pay respects?

It's unusual to not include partner of 2 years of the best man tbh.,

I had this happen to me. I was due to be at the wedding but we were let down last min by family and I couldn’t get a sitter. I thought being the best man the groom and bride might say oh gosh. Seeing as you’re so stuck being the little ones along. But nope

the entire weekend. The entire wedding. For 3 days I was stuck at home. I put that I wasn’t able to go because of the kids not having someone to look after them and my husband told me I’d upset people and that I had to take it down

i was awful to my husband for the 3 days but I was just so so so upset that they didn’t really care about him or me…..

when it came to our wedding they asked to bring their kids. I wanted to say no but my husband wouldn’t do it and so they all came. Was very uncomfortable and I hated it.

Have reported Kals001 · Today 00:52

It's on other threads too

Wow, I was going to say you shouldn’t have posted on social media about not going to the wedding because kids weren’t invited, but the fact that they asked to bring their own kids to your wedding is so shitty of them.

Do you still see them?

This. OP's partner's 'crime' is to not prioritise his friends events over his life with OP.
He should have cancelled his pre-existing plans for the music festival. He should have been financially irresponsible and flown to the birthday. He should ditch OP and spend all the money because that's what friends do!! 🙄
Honestly if the groom is that self-centred and/or thinks honouring a partner is so unimportant, it doesn't bode well for the marriage anyway.

HIV Juice… yummy

I think you should get over it only because that dickwad was isn't worth getting your feelings hurt over. He's got to be a very toxic person to blame you. And DH is his best man?! Is the groom a diva? A groomzilla maybe? He sounds so strange. I'm not sure if you should hold DH accountable for anything though, only you know the details that could go into that decision. It could be a red flag but might not be. Personally without knowing the details I feel sorry for DH too. His friend is a dick. Maybe DH is too? You have to figure that one out. You're definitely not being unreasonable though.

It's not compulsory, but it is polite and respectful to let a member of the bridal party to bring their partner, especially when they're having to travel and pay for a hotel etc.

It's just disrespectful to the Best Man to purposefully exclude his partner of 2yrs.

Your husband, or his friend???

Because it's common courtesy to invite your friend's long-term partner!!!

I'm biased though because my SIL of over 20 years at the time chose not to invite me or our children to her, admittedly, small wedding. My 'D'H didn't see what was wrong with this.

I had known her since she was at school; husband and I were together for 5 years before we got married, and SIL had 3 DN - the only biological ones she had or will ever have. She demanded to be bridesmaid at our wedding before we had a chance to ask her, and brought her long-gone random boyfriend and insisted he be in family photos - he was totally inappropriately dressed as well.

And then he wonders why I keep her at arm's length (there are lots of other reasons too!)

But in this instance the OP has met the groom only three times.

Always the fault of the woman eh.