To be upset at the reason I was not invited

[Yorkiepud2614]

Hello
I just need some outside perspective on this issue because it’s caused a little bit of a rift between me and my partner.

My partner of 2 years has been asked to be best man at this best friends wedding (taking place 3 hours south of our home).

We waited for the proper invites but after hearing that his friends had got theirs (we assumed ours were just lost in the post) my partner called up to double check the dates so we could book a hotel room.
He was then informed that I was not actually invited to the wedding. Partner accepted this but I was a little hurt.

This was just over two months ago and my partner has just met up with the groom (he lives about an 8 hour drive away) and the groom confessed I wasn’t invited because my partner had left the grooms granny’s funeral after spending four hours there to join me at a local music festival (these tickets had been his Christmas present) and also because my partner did not fly down to see the groom on this birthday.
He couldn’t afford the flights (weekend in summer) as we had a wedding in Rhodes a few weeks later.

im quite sad that my partner is still going to be best man at this wedding after the reasons given for me being the only partner excluded.

should I pull on my big girl pants and get over it?

Op caught the groom cheating so we can add to the list that the best man is friends with a cheat and gaslighter too :/

Have to concur with last few posters re supposed comment by groom.

The ‘you’ll have more fun without her there’ comment is definitely part of why I came to the conclusion it’s a problem DP.

Latest OP update might be dripfeed, or might be the very common reaction of refusing to believe it’s a problem DP and frantically trying to deflect, because if we allow others to point out poor behaviour by DP then we have to face it/do something about it.

And that can be really hard if you have had experience of previous bad behaviour and related self-esteem issues.

The DP, out of his own mouth to OP, said that the groom commented that ‘he’d have more fun without OP there’

If the groom is just an embarrassed cheater - this comment suggests he thinks OP’s DP needs ‘more fun’, would that be ‘fun’ as in no witnesses to cheating? Or is he trying to put wedge between OP and his mate to split them up - cos otherwise what to do in future - always exclude OP?

If DP is lying gas-lighter then the comment may or may not have been made to the DP, but was made by the DP to OP - for what purpose? It suggests groom is arsehole to OP (so hurting any potential friendliness between couples) and/or that OP is not fun to be around (implication if you want invited be more ‘fun’?)

I based my posts on the information the OP presented, coupled with my own experience, because the thread was asking for suggestions as to what the cause of the non-invite might be.

It took a great deal worse for me to stop defending my ex and leave, in fact I defended him even then, despite overwhelming evidence of my own eyes, in the hope that deep down he had some decency to him.

So OP defending her DP when she is only hearing his version of events makes total sense to me.

OP, it might be as you now say, all the groom, or it might be your DP, or a mix of the two, but this thread has at least given you a range of opinions.

You are ultimately in charge of what you do, I hope a wider set of opinions has at least helped you think about the different possibilities which may come in useful at a future date.

@Treesinmygarden my husband went to the wedding and hasn’t seen his friend since. The back story is that the friend told a bad joke and I called him out for being homophobic, he didn’t like that. So he started spreading small lies about me to the group that I was manipulating my boyfriend (now husband). Hubby not cool with it, went to the wedding and had a great time with the friend group, barely saw the groom anyway and has since cut ties but is still good friends with a handful of them.

Wow. That's a real drip feed

Unless when he first met you he wasn't with the bride and that woman is now an ex

Or are you saying @Yorkiepud2614 that he was with the woman is is now marrying aka the bride to be and snogging someone else when you first met him

😂nothing would surprise me at this point

This snacks of your DP telling his friend you were the problem and now it's bit him on the arse, I'd suspect he's been backstabbing you.

I'd be out of that relationship pronto

Absolutely this!

Christ OP- drip feed the very obvious reason why you’re not invited. Surely you could have worked that out yourself?

Well with your drip feed it's no wonder the groom is trying to keep you away and isn't exactly supportive of your relationship.

I invited some people to my wedding I'd really rather not have (drug addled moron and cheating, gas lighting waste of skin respectively) because it was important to the people I actually did want there. Out of respect for them.
Your DP needs better friends.
Or you need a better DP.
This whole situation is bullshit.

You’re being naive.

My husband does. I didn’t even put anything bad on social media. Just how crap it was that we were let down and I was upset. That’s all. Nothing to do with them. Rather the people who let us down!

You've derailed your own thread with the drip feed, OP. If you ultimately get married to your "DP", would knobhead groom be your best man? If so, then I could not accept this after the way you've been treated.