To think this is rude? Dinner table etiquette

[EdinaMonsoon]

Out for dinner & drinks with another couple last night. Immediately they finished their meals, they began stacking their plates and pushing them to the centre of the table, meaning DH & I had their used plates right in front of us. We didn’t say anything but they do it every time we go out to eat and we both find it rude and bad manners. Do people stack plates in a restaurant after eating? I certainly don’t and wouldn’t. And certainly wouldn’t push my used plate in front of someone else’s!

We also always wait until the last person is finished eating before we make any sign to waiting staff that we’re ready for the plates to be cleared whereas they will grab the attention of anyone passing and ask them to clear their plates even though others at the table are still eating. We’re not slow eaters but dinner a meal out should be enjoyed at a relaxed pace, no? AWBU?

My son does this (stack the plates - he used to work in a café) but only after everyone has finished.

I sometimes stack plates so that DD can carry on colouring etc with more room, but i have no issue with keeping the stack in front of me

You better believe it. I'd probably purposely kick them under the table, not apologise and claim I thought it was the leg of the table too.

The restaurant in question is a local “gastro pub” type place. It’s very nice but not fine dining. I don’t think it really matters though because I’d no more stack plates in a greasy spoon than I would in a fine dining restaurant. There are no cultural differences between us and this was in the UK.

I’m interested in how I would even begin to raise it with them or ask them to stop mid-stacking/plate shoving. That in itself seems rude to me in that it seems rather abrupt and judgmental. Obvs I am quietly judging and seething 😂 But to voice it would feel incredibly awkward. I think we simply have to chicken out and not restrict our evening plans to drinks only!

@EdinaMonsoon , mention it before you meet up, or you could say that you read on MN that it wasn't a done thing, tinkly laugh.

I think if I were in your position I'd ask them in advance and say it was because it made me feel rushed.

It really isn’t hard. As soon as they push their plates towards you just put your hand up and say ’oh, please don’t do that. I’m still eating and would prefer not looking at your plate.’
You are friends, just say something.

I think we simply have to chicken out and not restrict our evening plans to drinks only!

Now this is incredibly silly. Everything depends on how you say it to them. Ridiculous that you would rather do drinks only. You do have a mouth.

Well no. I’d like them to leave them in their own place like a normal person.

@cardibach how do you define normal?

What most people in a given culture do?

@cardibach what's a given culture? How do you define culture?

Normal is to leave your plate in front of you with the knife and fork at 4.20.
Waiting staff remove the plates when all the plates are like that.

Oh fucking hell!!! I've failed, I leave mine at 5.25!

How uncultured I am!!

Oh that’s grim. They are not the sort of people to be seen with, sack them
off.

Where did you hear that?

Ffs. You know exactly what I mean and I’m not being drawn by an argumentative stirrer.

@cardibach ok, so you decide you're right?

I always stack my plates after I've finished eating.. I can understand how stressful it can be in hospitality so if there's anything I can do to make it easier for them when collecting I will sure do it 🙈 as for pushing them to the centre of the table.. absolutely not 🤣 I push mine to the side

Have you not read the posts from waiting staff who say they hate people stacking their own plates because waiting and kitchen staff have their own techniques for doing it? You make their job more difficult and you make yourself look as if you were raised by wolves.

Try reading this very funny, slightly tongue in cheek advice from Miss Manners:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Manners-Guide-Excruciatingly-Correct-Behavior/dp/0393058743

It doesn't cost money and it doesn't take brains or qualifications to have good basic manners that make you a pleasure to dine with or make you a good guest or host.

You’re incomprehensible. Why make such a big deal. Look at pretty much every other post, especially those from waiting staff.

I find some of my friends who have worked in the service industry (i.e. in pubs or cafes while at college) have a habit of stacking used plates. It's normally if there's a large party of us. I think they feel they're helping the serving staff but it's definitely not proper etiquette and I feel it's actually making the staff look like they're not on the ball.

I tend to let it slide but if they did it in a formal setting I think I would have to say something like "oh I saw something on you tube the other day and I hadn't realised myself but apparently it's poor form to stack your plates while others are eating".

Tbh it sounds like they just don't know proper etiquette and are maybe trying to get you to hurry up too. 🤷

Oh I saw something on you tube the other day and I hadn't realised myself but apparently it's poor form to openly critise other people's dining etiquette in public.

5.25 is fine @Goodlard , just don't be one of those people who does it when they've not finished.

Maybe they just don’t care about something as pointless and arbitrary as dining etiquette?

It's not pointless and arbitrary, @TedMullins , it's about behaving in a civilised manner around food