Active discussions

Best Amazon Prime Day deals: Mumsnet favourites

Best Amazon Prime Day deals:
Mumsnet favourites

Shop now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude? Dinner table etiquette

238 replies

EdinaMonsoon · 23/12/2023 11:40

Out for dinner & drinks with another couple last night. Immediately they finished their meals, they began stacking their plates and pushing them to the centre of the table, meaning DH & I had their used plates right in front of us. We didn’t say anything but they do it every time we go out to eat and we both find it rude and bad manners. Do people stack plates in a restaurant after eating? I certainly don’t and wouldn’t. And certainly wouldn’t push my used plate in front of someone else’s!

We also always wait until the last person is finished eating before we make any sign to waiting staff that we’re ready for the plates to be cleared whereas they will grab the attention of anyone passing and ask them to clear their plates even though others at the table are still eating. We’re not slow eaters but dinner a meal out should be enjoyed at a relaxed pace, no? AWBU?

OP posts:
BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 23/12/2023 12:23

I’ve never ever seen anyone stack their plates in a restaurant. It’s strange to do that and then to leave them sitting there while other people are still eating. It’s bad manners because it makes the other diners feel hurried to finish. Also, nobody wants to look at a pile of someone else’s dirty plates and cutlery while eating.

Muchof · 23/12/2023 12:24

Goodlard · 23/12/2023 11:57

So you don't want their plates on front of you? But you don't want the waiting staff to collect them either?

Correct, neither of those things are appropriate. The plates should remain in front of the individual who just ate off it and when everybody at the table has finished, they should be collected all at once.

mn29 · 23/12/2023 12:24

yanbu, it’s bad manners.

Malarandras · 23/12/2023 12:26

I stack plates to make the waiter’s job easier, but only once everyone is finished eating.

TedMullins · 23/12/2023 12:26

Christ who cares? It’s very weird to me the things some people get het up about. I wouldn’t even notice what my dinner companions were doing with their plates unless they were scraping their leftovers onto my dinner or spitting in my drink.

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/12/2023 12:27

It's really not something I can get worked up about.

What someone does with their plate is up to them.

LordSnot · 23/12/2023 12:27

It's odd but it's even odder that this would stop one poster eating out with them and it would "ruin the meal" for another!

Barnabusbear · 23/12/2023 12:28

My DD used to do that when she was 2, accompanied by a loud "DONE" Grin

ScabbyHorse · 23/12/2023 12:28

In the UK waiters are trained to wait until everyone has finished before they collect plates, so these it is rude to pile them up like this

Aquamarine1029 · 23/12/2023 12:30

Fucking hell that is so gross and rude.

ilovesooty · 23/12/2023 12:30

Qwerty556 · 23/12/2023 12:19

Once a again, but a bit more patronising- there may be some working class people reading.

Show quote history

Where was "working class" mentioned?

gamerchick · 23/12/2023 12:30

I like to make plates and whatnot easier for the staff to clear, why wouldn't you? Do you just leave everything as it is and expect them to go around the table to clear once you've clicked your fingers?

I wouldnt do it while people are eating though

ThreeFeetTall · 23/12/2023 12:31

Maybe just...tell them you don't like it?

museumum · 23/12/2023 12:31

I would hate that. I’m British and waitresses here in the uk and would never stack or clear before the last person was finished.
but I believe in the US waiting staff are expected to take each plate as it’s finished with.

QueSyrahSyrah · 23/12/2023 12:32

We often stack plates in a restaurant especially if it's a big table (most of the people we eat out with have been hospitality at some point so it's second nature) but certainly not until everyone's finished.

Sugarsun · 23/12/2023 12:32

I always stack plates but I’d never do it whilst people were still eating, as the waiter could see and start clearing them up.
Which would be very uncomfortable for those still eating.

Janieforever · 23/12/2023 12:32

Tinkerbyebye · 23/12/2023 11:41

I just wouldn’t go out with them anymore

That’s equally as odd to be fair 😂

Hadalifeonce · 23/12/2023 12:33

I get very irritated when waiting staff try to clear plates when someone is still eating. A finished plate should stay in front of the diner until everyone at the table has finished, with knives and forks at '6:30'.

Poufpastry · 23/12/2023 12:33

If they are friends then ask them - could you just leave clearing the table until we've finished eating? It makes me feel really rushed. Then if they carry on I probably would gradually stop eating out with them. It would definitely be rude if you'd asked them not to.

ilovesooty · 23/12/2023 12:34

I wouldn't want someone's used plate right in front of me but there's plenty of snobbery emerging on this thread already.

Poufpastry · 23/12/2023 12:34

gamerchick · 23/12/2023 12:30

I like to make plates and whatnot easier for the staff to clear, why wouldn't you? Do you just leave everything as it is and expect them to go around the table to clear once you've clicked your fingers?

I wouldnt do it while people are eating though

This used to piss me off when I was waiting tables. I had my way of efficiently collecting the plates etc and customers never got it right.

Dotcheck · 23/12/2023 12:35

It’s not gross or rude, it is just not what you do. Just move the plates to the side and carry on with your meal.

Who are the people on the thread who thinks a dirty plate is gross? Surely you are confronted with them several times a day in daily life?

IsadoraQuagmire · 23/12/2023 12:35

StarlightLime · 23/12/2023 12:15

They sound like a right pair of savages. Don't they get out much?

😁 I've never seen anyone do this, it sounds very odd.

Nanny0gg · 23/12/2023 12:36

EdinaMonsoon · 23/12/2023 11:40

Out for dinner & drinks with another couple last night. Immediately they finished their meals, they began stacking their plates and pushing them to the centre of the table, meaning DH & I had their used plates right in front of us. We didn’t say anything but they do it every time we go out to eat and we both find it rude and bad manners. Do people stack plates in a restaurant after eating? I certainly don’t and wouldn’t. And certainly wouldn’t push my used plate in front of someone else’s!

We also always wait until the last person is finished eating before we make any sign to waiting staff that we’re ready for the plates to be cleared whereas they will grab the attention of anyone passing and ask them to clear their plates even though others at the table are still eating. We’re not slow eaters but dinner a meal out should be enjoyed at a relaxed pace, no? AWBU?

I 'tidy up' in a café (when everyone's finished). Never in a restaurant. Waiting staff have their own system and it's their job to clear away

I'd either stop them as soon as they started or I'd push the plates right back in front of one of them

Or...I wouldn't go!

Nanny0gg · 23/12/2023 12:37

Goodlard · 23/12/2023 11:57

So you don't want their plates on front of you? But you don't want the waiting staff to collect them either?

Plates shouldn't be cleared before everyone's finished.