To think this is rude? Dinner table etiquette

[EdinaMonsoon]

Out for dinner & drinks with another couple last night. Immediately they finished their meals, they began stacking their plates and pushing them to the centre of the table, meaning DH & I had their used plates right in front of us. We didn’t say anything but they do it every time we go out to eat and we both find it rude and bad manners. Do people stack plates in a restaurant after eating? I certainly don’t and wouldn’t. And certainly wouldn’t push my used plate in front of someone else’s!

We also always wait until the last person is finished eating before we make any sign to waiting staff that we’re ready for the plates to be cleared whereas they will grab the attention of anyone passing and ask them to clear their plates even though others at the table are still eating. We’re not slow eaters but dinner a meal out should be enjoyed at a relaxed pace, no? AWBU?

Which has nothing to do with what you previously said about the clientele of expensive restaurants and "people used to going up the Harvester".

the customary code of polite behaviour in society or among members of a particular profession or group.

Presumably the OP was in the UK at the time.
Table manners may have deteriorated but normal etiquette hasn't changed and you don't decide as an individual what is and isn't etiquette. You just decide whether or not to follow it.

Oh that’s rude. It would put me off going out with them and I’d have to say something.

we were on holiday recently and when out for dinner at a buffet restaurant , and when the man had finished with his plate he sat it on the woman’s side when she was still eating! She had to move her plate to make room! It was making me so annoyed and it wasn’t even my table. It’s just plain rude.

I’ve worked in all sorts of restaurants and I disagree with you. Please and thank you is enough. You have a preference and that’s fine for yourself to uphold but there’s no need for everyone else to do so.

Um. It's been the 'norm' for years.

Same as what you do with your knife and fork when you've finished (and which ones to use in the first place)

When I was a waitress I used to hate it when people stacked plates as it made it very difficult for us to clear them. We were taught to hold one plate to scrape food onto and then the other pile on the palm of your hand. So when people piled the plates it meant I couldn’t clear plates like this which meant I had to do multiple table runs and was also very clumsy to do.

I think your friends are a bit odd though that they finish and so obviously push them away in front of you.

As a waitress as well we had to always wait for the whole table to finish before clearing plates so it would put me in a very awkward position of a customer was insisting I clear their plates when the whole table hadn’t eaten.

I’m not getting involved in an argument with you

Yes, this is exactly what I would do. Probably quite passive aggressive, but I’d put my glasses in front of my plate to make a sort of barrier.

Fine. I know what I read and I know what I thought of it, and have exercised my right to comment accordingly.

Yes to both of those.

Money doesn't teach manners sweetie!

So I wouldn't judge people going to the harvester as being any worse manners than those in the savoy.

I can assure you that I've seen the worst manners in the most expensive restaurants.

You sound extremely judgemental and really quite unpleasant, the sort that's rude to waiting staff. Which of course is dreadfully bad mannered.

It would annoy me, when we eat out with our children who usually finish after us we almost always have to ask the waiting staff to leave our plates until we've all finished. When they were really little they'd stop eating if our plates were taken away.

My mil used to do this. She would also steal something off your plate if she fancied it - without asking.
I got so sick of it that I ended up stealing a particularly nice large mushroom off her plate once. She was incandescent with rage. She never stole anything more off my plates though!

I would only do this if we had ALL finished and due to being in a big group it would be difficult for waiting staff to collect plates individually or it was just out family and in a cafe type place.

If you go out with them again I would think of something to say rather than just ignoring it.

Very rude indeed. Their desire for a clear space is overriding all manners here! I wouldn't eat out with them.

Are they from the UK / always lived there? In the US and Canada it is the norm for plates to be collected as and when a diner has finished eating, even if others are still eating, in many low and mid range restaurants (and some very high end, but several higher end d apply French / English etiquette rules). I have seen Americans chastise waitresses in the Uk for not clearing, and I've seen British diners in the US flip out because the waiters started clearing. Different customs, neither 'wrong' or 'right' just different. My personal preference is to wait until everyone is finished but I won't make a scene about it in N America.

The stacking plates thing is a bit different but I bet they think they are being helpful to the wait staff. But to address a comment above it IS a pet dislike of mine when waiters scrape food off plates to stack them - plates should simply be removed and any scraping done in the kitchen. I find that very rude in any country (but of course won't say anything!)

In a restaurant with waiting staff, you wait for them to remove your plates etc.
In a super posh restaurant, they will pull out the chair for you and you are expected to wait, then sit down.

Anyone who doesn't has not been educated in table manners and etiquette.

It really doesn't matter if some people think this is 'okay' and doesn't bother them.

The point is it's the behaviour of the great unwashed.

@Goodlard Waiting for waiting staff to do their job does not equate to treating them badly.

It's helpful in a small cafe for example to perhaps put the cups and plates back on a tray if it's been self-service at a counter, to help the staff.

But in a restaurant with waiting staff, you just don't do this.

(And I've eaten at the Savoy.)

It's rude and seriously bad manners. In a restaurant, you always keep your plate and cutlery in front of you when you are finished. You don't stack plates specially when other people at the table are still eating.

I would say something to them along the lines "please, don't move the plates until staff clear them off the table. It's not nice when we are still eating". Unfortunately, unless you tell them, they'll continue doing the same.

Stacking plates isn't the done thing, but people often think they're helping staff to do it (they're usually not!) so I wouldn't say that was 'rude' as its well intentioned. Pushing your dirty plate into someone else's space so it's in front of them not you is however rude, and I'd push it back!

Really rude to do it whilst other people are still eating their meals.

I used to waitress so found it really helpful when customers would stack their plates ready for me to clear the table. But only once everyone had finished.

Exactly... the working classes.

How is it cultural?! Wherever I’ve been in another culture I almost always follow suit with what they do and if this is cultural they could at least ask OP and her DH if it’s ok to do this rather than just doing it which is rude.

Most other cultures I’ve eaten with follow suit to ask or ask if it’s ok, it’s basic good manners.

Im shocked people bothered by this ...thinking about it I think some of my family does it and some don't...

Ohh...you're a badass!