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Original poster

Telling DS I don't want his gift

211 replies

QueenofClutter · 19/12/2023 12:59

I know he's trying to be thoughtful, and all things considered we're not talking much money, but he's just bought me something I really don't want. How can I let him down gently without seeming ungrateful?

Bit of a longwinded back story.

I'm decluttering prior to a house move. Sold most of my vinyl records, and I'm having a clear out of CDs. (Keeping plenty, I might add, just being ruthless with stuff I haven't played for years.) Some of the vinyl is 50 years old, and anything of sentimental value or that i particularly like has already been replaced by the CD version.

Not exactly sure how, but some particular titles got mentioned while we were talking music. He's now sent me a CD of something I've already got - and is also in the recycling pile.

I've no idea how he came to think this particular CD is something I wanted! ( ps it's not a Christmas gift)

While I appreciate the gesture, I can't get enthusiastic about it - and I'm very bad at disguising my feelings too. I don't want to encourage him to buy more cds for me either!

Help!

OP posts:
Outliers · 19/12/2023 13:01

It's just a CD. I imagine it's quite cheap.

You can just get rid of your old one without saying anything.

If you want better gifts in future, you can always hint at the things you really need.

WillowTit · 19/12/2023 13:02

Tell him, easiest solution

TerribleWoman · 19/12/2023 13:06

I wouldn't dream of doing anything other than telling him it was very thoughtful of him and the CD is music that you love. It's one CD, you are keeping other CDs. It will take up half a centimetre on a shelf.

I might add that I am trying to move to streaming to keep "stuff" to a minimum, so if he has any other similar lovely ideas in future, might he send a streaming link?

Spontaneous gifts just because are a lovely gesture. The least you can do is make a lovely gesture in return and keep the CD.

OldTinHat · 19/12/2023 13:08

'Telling DS I don't want his gift'

Thank you, DS, that's so kind and thoughtful.

Then...Recycle, Ziffit, Music Magpie, Ebay, Vinted...

shepherdsangeldelight · 19/12/2023 13:09

"Really appreciate you thinking of me, but I'm trying not to get any more CDs now, so perhaps you could take it back/change it for something else/give it to someone else?"

(Unless he's under about 12, in which case pretend you like it and take it to a charity shop).

Whataretheodds · 19/12/2023 13:10

How old is he?

captaincalamari12 · 19/12/2023 13:11

Just say thank you, what is wrong with people.

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 19/12/2023 13:12

It's just one CD. Get rid of another one to make up for it, if you really can't spare the space for one extra CD in your new place.

And then get rid in a year or so if you must.

JassyRadlett · 19/12/2023 13:14

Oh god. Your problem is that you've got a son who is thoughtful and put that thought and effort into a gift for his mum?

That gift would go straight on my "sentimental" pile because it represents so much more.

Bluela18 · 19/12/2023 13:14

Can't you just simply say , sorry son I've just realised ive already got that one and I've got it in the recycling pile , and then laugh. Say thank you so much for the thought though , you'd be happy to swap with another CD or if was me I'd just say we can return it but don't worry about anything else this year

SquirrelRed · 19/12/2023 13:15

captaincalamari12 · 19/12/2023 13:11

Just say thank you, what is wrong with people.

This is exactly what I was thinking!

Sugarfree23 · 19/12/2023 13:15

It's a CD! Accept with good grace and move it on.

At a later date, but before next gift event, mention that you've started using Spotify etc and it's fabulous.

popplego · 19/12/2023 13:17

JassyRadlett · 19/12/2023 13:14

Oh god. Your problem is that you've got a son who is thoughtful and put that thought and effort into a gift for his mum?

That gift would go straight on my "sentimental" pile because it represents so much more.

Absolutely this, he's probably quite proud of himself for thinking of the gift poor lad!

Greenandgreed · 19/12/2023 13:18

Your son bought you a personal gift that he had thought about after listening to you . Lots of sons buy nothing or something generic . Be grateful and say thank you .

Aquamarine1029 · 19/12/2023 13:18

Oh god. Your problem is that you've got a son who is thoughtful and put that thought and effort into a gift for his mum?

Exactly. Loads of mums would give anything to have kids who are so thoughtful.

While I appreciate the gesture, I can't get enthusiastic about it - and I'm very bad at disguising my feelings too.

Are you my mother? No matter what I do, and I have tried everything, nothing is ever good enough. She has made gift giving events a fucking misery for decades. You really can pretend to be grateful for five minutes?

TheShoulder · 19/12/2023 13:19

If he is an adult and the gift can be returned, I would tell him in a lighthearted way that I love it and I am really touched by his thoughtfulness and that he has got your taste spot on... so much so that you already have a copy 😂Then ask him if he would like to return it and get his money back but reiterate that you love the thought and will think of him every time you hear the album.

Then some time in the future tell him that you are getting rid of your vinyl and CDs so he doesn't buy any more.

Mamoun · 19/12/2023 13:20

Two words: thank you

shepherdsangeldelight · 19/12/2023 13:20

captaincalamari12 · 19/12/2023 13:11

Just say thank you, what is wrong with people.

If I buy a present for a close family member/friend then I want to get them something they will like and want.

If I get it wrong and they don't want the item I've bought them, then I would want to know so that I could try to make this right - by swapping it for something they will like.

If my close family member/friend thought I expected them to pretend they liked something they didn't out of some sense of politeness, I would actually be quite offended and would question our relationship.

So I say to you "what is wrong with people that they feel they have to lie, rather than being honest, to people who care about them?"

It's perfectly ok to say "I really appreciate that you thought of me, but I don't like the gift". You are rejecting the gift ... not them.

ihavespoken · 19/12/2023 13:21

TheShoulder · 19/12/2023 13:19

If he is an adult and the gift can be returned, I would tell him in a lighthearted way that I love it and I am really touched by his thoughtfulness and that he has got your taste spot on... so much so that you already have a copy 😂Then ask him if he would like to return it and get his money back but reiterate that you love the thought and will think of him every time you hear the album.

Then some time in the future tell him that you are getting rid of your vinyl and CDs so he doesn't buy any more.

^^ This

LilyLemonade · 19/12/2023 13:21

SquirrelRed · 19/12/2023 13:15

This is exactly what I was thinking!

Show quote history

Me too.
you don’t have to love every gift you get but ‘it’s the thought that counts’ so just warmly thank him, keep it for a while, and then if you wish just pass it on.

bridgetreilly · 19/12/2023 13:21

“Thanks, that was really thoughtful of you.” No need to mention the actual gift, just his kindness in sending it.

dudsville · 19/12/2023 13:22

Just say "how sweet and thoughtful, thank you". This isn't a big spend and it does sound like he was being thoughtful.

Tinkerbyebye · 19/12/2023 13:22

Wow arent you a peach of a mother

just say thank you, it takes up little space just add it to the collection, then if you must get rid of it do it in 6 months.

your son is far more thoughtful than you, I assume he got that from his father

Clarich007 · 19/12/2023 13:23

Flipping heck.It's not like he bought you a stuffed elephant.
It's a cd ! No wonder people have family problems.He sounds thoughtful.

Tweedledumdedum · 19/12/2023 13:24

He gets you a gift he's thought about.

You want to throw it back in his face.

Don't complain when he doesn't bother visiting.

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