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AIBU?

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Original poster

Telling DS I don't want his gift

211 replies

QueenofClutter · 19/12/2023 12:59

I know he's trying to be thoughtful, and all things considered we're not talking much money, but he's just bought me something I really don't want. How can I let him down gently without seeming ungrateful?

Bit of a longwinded back story.

I'm decluttering prior to a house move. Sold most of my vinyl records, and I'm having a clear out of CDs. (Keeping plenty, I might add, just being ruthless with stuff I haven't played for years.) Some of the vinyl is 50 years old, and anything of sentimental value or that i particularly like has already been replaced by the CD version.

Not exactly sure how, but some particular titles got mentioned while we were talking music. He's now sent me a CD of something I've already got - and is also in the recycling pile.

I've no idea how he came to think this particular CD is something I wanted! ( ps it's not a Christmas gift)

While I appreciate the gesture, I can't get enthusiastic about it - and I'm very bad at disguising my feelings too. I don't want to encourage him to buy more cds for me either!

Help!

OP posts:
inamarina · 22/12/2023 16:40

Redandpinkstripess · 20/12/2023 21:06

So rude to expect presents at all. I accept any present I receive with gratitude and wouldn't dream of commenting. Your son sounds lovely. Don't upset him by being so ungrateful.

I think, I agree. Especially when it’s adults handing out wish lists for themselves.
I get it when for example grandparents buy presents for their grandchildren and the kids’ parents might want to tell them what their children would want/ need.
As an adult though I can’t imagine getting all awkward with someone because their gift for me is not 100% right.

Pingu32 · 23/12/2023 06:52

Ooh, where have you been selling your vinyl, OP?

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 23/12/2023 06:53

captaincalamari12 · 19/12/2023 13:11

Just say thank you, what is wrong with people.

This - how hard is it? Surely you can give away the one you already have as planned and keep his. It's just a CD, not something which is going to take up a whole corner of the room! He sounds very thoughtful, embrace it.

Sweetnessoflife · 23/12/2023 09:04

4 sons...always last min gifts...
How thoughtful that your son has put some time and effort I to your gift.
Be happy for that and thank him x

Octowussy · 23/12/2023 10:01

I remember when I was younger (maybe 13) I saved all my left over change for the whole year (didn't get pocket money but did get birthday money from family) and bought my mom a versace perfume for christmas. I gave it to her and she said "this better not be the versace perfume". She opened it and shouted at me about how it wasn't what she wanted and that she didn't like it and told me I needed to return it, so I did. I didn't have extra money to get her the one she wanted. I remember sitting on the stairs crying and she yelled again that I had no right to be crying as "I knew" its not what she wanted. I hate buying her gifts.

As long as you don't do this, you should be fine, OP. 😅

Sugarfree23 · 23/12/2023 10:26

@Octowussy thats nasty to do that to a child. Really nasty. In fact it's nasty to do that to anyone.

This is a totally different situation this is an adult with poor money management, possibly shopaholic issues, buying gifts just because. It wasn't a Christmas or birthday gift it was just a gift.

Op should have been clearer in her opening post that it was a middle-aged adult with financial issues buying for the sake of it. Not a child buying their mum a Christmas/ Birthday/Mothers day gift

inamarina · 23/12/2023 10:32

Octowussy · 23/12/2023 10:01

I remember when I was younger (maybe 13) I saved all my left over change for the whole year (didn't get pocket money but did get birthday money from family) and bought my mom a versace perfume for christmas. I gave it to her and she said "this better not be the versace perfume". She opened it and shouted at me about how it wasn't what she wanted and that she didn't like it and told me I needed to return it, so I did. I didn't have extra money to get her the one she wanted. I remember sitting on the stairs crying and she yelled again that I had no right to be crying as "I knew" its not what she wanted. I hate buying her gifts.

As long as you don't do this, you should be fine, OP. 😅

Your mum’s behavior sounds awful... Personally, I wouldn’t be buying her any gifts.
Mind boggling to demand an expensive perfume from your child (who’s not even getting pocket money).

Barney60 · 23/12/2023 11:02

Do you have a CD player in your car? pop it in there, next time you see him thank him for the gift, say i already had it though so its in my car.

SwingTheMonkey · 23/12/2023 12:46

Sugarfree23 · 23/12/2023 10:26

@Octowussy thats nasty to do that to a child. Really nasty. In fact it's nasty to do that to anyone.

This is a totally different situation this is an adult with poor money management, possibly shopaholic issues, buying gifts just because. It wasn't a Christmas or birthday gift it was just a gift.

Op should have been clearer in her opening post that it was a middle-aged adult with financial issues buying for the sake of it. Not a child buying their mum a Christmas/ Birthday/Mothers day gift

No, she didn’t need to be clearer in her op - because the stuff about being concerned about her son’s spending habits has been conveniently drip fed after reading page after page of people telling her she’s being unreasonable.

The op clearly stated that she just didn’t want the gift and wasn’t able to ‘disguise her feelings’. Thats the truth - she just didn’t want it. The story about being worried about his money is likely a load of bollocks - or she’d have put that in the op as one of her concerns, not left it until she’d been piled on by countless posters.

Stuckinarut23 · 23/12/2023 13:27

Just politely thank him, maybe this cd will have a new sentimental meaning because your son brought it. But if it's really that awful then keep it for a bit and pass it on.

Annomynousnightowl · 23/12/2023 14:21

^^ this

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