Telling DS I don't want his gift

[QueenofClutter]

I know he's trying to be thoughtful, and all things considered we're not talking much money, but he's just bought me something I really don't want. How can I let him down gently without seeming ungrateful?

Bit of a longwinded back story.

I'm decluttering prior to a house move. Sold most of my vinyl records, and I'm having a clear out of CDs. (Keeping plenty, I might add, just being ruthless with stuff I haven't played for years.) Some of the vinyl is 50 years old, and anything of sentimental value or that i particularly like has already been replaced by the CD version.

Not exactly sure how, but some particular titles got mentioned while we were talking music. He's now sent me a CD of something I've already got - and is also in the recycling pile.

I've no idea how he came to think this particular CD is something I wanted! ( ps it's not a Christmas gift)

While I appreciate the gesture, I can't get enthusiastic about it - and I'm very bad at disguising my feelings too. I don't want to encourage him to buy more cds for me either!

Help!

Just accept with good grace. I really can't imagine doing anything else with a gift from my son!!. Really don't know what the fuss is about?
And, definitely not say I reject the gift, etc as others are saying! That's nuts and so disrespectful!!

I really only see this sort of hyperbole about gifts on mumsnet.

OP it's a gesture, if you don't want it the gesture remains the same and you can pass it on. There's no need to micromanage it by letting him know ahead of time you don't want it and the history of why/you have it/any other thing. You just say thanks, and then pass it on.

I try to get everyone something they'll like and I hope they do but I don't inventory friends and families property ahead of every gift giving nor do we know everything about a person. If they like it great, if not then hopefully they can pass it on or donate it, I'm not bothered either way as long as they appreciate the gesture.

Stop being so ungrateful fgs.

Did no one ever tell you that you say thank you for a present?

It's not like he's spent thousands or it won't fit in the house, it's a CD. Quite a thoughtful gesture at that. Tell him thank you, sincerely.

Because that would be wholly proportionate and deserved. Bloody hell, unclench.

If he is an adult then say (in a nice jokey manner) "Errr thanks darling but remember I'm trying to declutter. Not only have I already got this CD but it's on the get rid of pile. Did you have a senior moment buying me this?"

Don't tell him you don't want it. That's really mean. He's probably really proud he found something he thought you'd like. It really is the thought that counts. Just be grateful and thank him. Surely his feelings are more important?

I’d be inclined to reply “No, I didn’t have a ‘senior moment’ - I have an actual life and haven’t memorised the list of CDs my mother is giving to Oxfam. I’m sorry I bothered; you can have bath cubes next year.”

No, I wouldn't do this! He has bought you a gift. Thank him. How is this so difficult!?!

Charming

@CherryShirt yes but surely he is aware she had been sorting through and decluttering her music selection.
I would think he would have enough common sense to think "mum doesn't want anymore CDs".

I would find it hurtful if someone thanked me for a gift and then said....blah...

You just thank someone for a gift because...you're thankful for the gift and they thought about you not because of any other circumstances!

You say thank you. Be grateful you have such a considerate son.

Mumsnet is weird.... everyone seems to hate clutter and 'things" and their kids have far too many toys blah blah blah but no one is capable of having an adult conversation with another adult about unsuitable gifts.
Just talk to each other once in while 🙄
(this is assuming the OPs son is a grown adult)

I have a feeling you’re going to drip feed & now tell us you have ASD.

I would find it hurtful if someone thanked me for a gift and then said....blah...

Why?
If they've thanked you and appreciated your thoughtfulness, why is it hurtful if they don't actually like it? Is giving a gift about doing something nice for someone else or about you getting validation as an amazing gift giver?

It’s only a bloody CD. You don’t need to say anything other than “Thanks love, that’s sweet of you” and then just quietly recycle it with the others. No need to tell him you won’t it. It’s not like it will have cost him a lot of money.

I am 50+ and I would find this terribly hurtful.
There's no need. Just say thank you.

Why? She’s decluttering generally because she’s moving - he’s not going to have memorised the list of exactly what she is and isn't keeping. Does your mother call you to tell you every time she gives some cardies to the jumble sale?

If he bought her a coffee table or a sewing machine when he knows she’s going somewhere with less space, then yes, it would be pretty daft. But it’s a CD. What kind of mother would make her son feel shit for buying something that takes up barely 3 square inches of space when “I’m trying to declutter!!!”?

How much it cost is all relevant.

If he's 12 and it represents 2 weeks pocket money or if he's 30 and he's earning big bucks and it's less than an hours wage.

How bizarre that you’d actually contemplate telling him you don’t want it. How awful.
It’s a CD, it takes up barely any space whatsoever.
What harm is it doing?

It's only a CD, and of music you've already heard. He's not going to keep asking about it or demand you play it at all hours.

It actually sounds like a thoughtful gift. Just keep it and get rid of the old one. Why upset your DS over a small thing like this.

Thank you. It’s not that deep, don’t tell him you don’t want the present, it’s one cd, he’s unlikely to buy you hundreds just say thanks that’s nice you remembered we were talking about that one and move on.

I'd definitely say thank you and nothing else. I'm teaching my kids that they need to say thank you even if they don't want/need a present.

I thought everyone did this.