Telling DS I don't want his gift

[QueenofClutter]

I know he's trying to be thoughtful, and all things considered we're not talking much money, but he's just bought me something I really don't want. How can I let him down gently without seeming ungrateful?

Bit of a longwinded back story.

I'm decluttering prior to a house move. Sold most of my vinyl records, and I'm having a clear out of CDs. (Keeping plenty, I might add, just being ruthless with stuff I haven't played for years.) Some of the vinyl is 50 years old, and anything of sentimental value or that i particularly like has already been replaced by the CD version.

Not exactly sure how, but some particular titles got mentioned while we were talking music. He's now sent me a CD of something I've already got - and is also in the recycling pile.

I've no idea how he came to think this particular CD is something I wanted! ( ps it's not a Christmas gift)

While I appreciate the gesture, I can't get enthusiastic about it - and I'm very bad at disguising my feelings too. I don't want to encourage him to buy more cds for me either!

Help!

@CherryShirt @TerribleWoman ok so - we see things differently.
In my family we are quite casual and honest with one another and this whole thing would be a laugh about it moment.
Everyone family is different I suppose.
I prefer openness and honesty really.

Write on it a special gift from DS and keep it. Bin the old one. You'll look at it in years to come and think what a thoughtful chap he was!

So rude, regardless of the giver and the present.

Say thank you. It's a present from your son. Saying thanking you is the polite and gracious thing to do.

How hard is it just to say thank you?

There are some truly ungrateful, ungracious human beings on Mumsnet. I'm looking forward to the annual Christmas disappointment threads next week when people clamour to list all their unwanted gifts, bought for them with love and affection (hopefully) only to be told that they have wasted their time and money.

@ColleenDonaghy as I said above in my family this would be the type of joke we would make and would laugh at this.
(obviously only if the son is a grown adult - a child would be a bit different).

I'd give anything to get any present from my son...

From someone who’s mother was always ‘honest’ about the gifts I got her, please just say ‘thank you’ and a hug.
Her not ‘needing’ any more bathroom/jewellery/fill in the blank stuff still hurts 40 odd years later!

❤

My mother could never hide her displeasure at gifts either. It has stayed with me all my life. We always tried really hard, too. They weren't shit gifts, and often something she had mentioned wanting or had an interest in.

Say thank you and recycle. Don't tell him that you don't want it.

It's perfectly possible to both say "thank you" and "but the present is not to my taste" when you are not in an over polite environment.

So by all means teach your DC to stick to saying "thank you" when great aunt has bought them talcum powder, but equally teach them that if you (their parent)'ve bought them something they really don't want then they can be appreciative of the thought whilst not liking the actual gift.

Though if people were actually honest about gifts, there would be a lot fewer threads on MN about bad presents ...

I feel this. I'm sorry, it cuts pretty deep.

That's not very gracious.

Marie Kondo says something along the lines of the function of the gift is to be given and received. You don't have to want to keep it or use it for it to fulfil that function. It's not like he got you a Trolls CD. Just say thank you, quietly get rid and try to appreciate it as an effort to buy you something you'd like.

And I'm 60+ and wouldn't give a toss, because I'm not completely up myself. But in our family we ask. Simples.

I'd just say 'thanks ever so much, put it in a pile to keep and throw it out next year. Tbh it's not worth hurting his feelings for the sake of what little space 1 cd takes up

And did either of you actually start asking what she wanted, or just nurse your grievances and resentment?

Honestly, how childish can one get? TALK. Ask what people would like. Stop being so fucking precious about ooh has to be a lovely surprise. No, it doesn't.

See, I would love this gift. Or any gift, almost.

I'm guessing it wasn't just gifts that your mother was unhappy about, though? More likely she wasn't happy about anything you did, so the gift response is a symptom rather than the reason. Otherwise the fact that she didn't like some of your gifts wouldn't have had such an impact.
(we possibly have the same mother)

I was thinking it was going to be something huge like a giant teddy bear!
It's just a CD. Stick it in the donate pile and forget about it. He sounds thoughtful at least!

I would just keep the CD, especially as you are particularly decluttering and still keeping CDs. It's an inexpensive gift, now if it was something expensive then I would suggest it being refunded...
we haven't had CDs in my house for years as we don't even own a CD player. Let alone vinyl!

Fwiw I wouldn't sweat it on this one occasion but some of the crap being spouted here when the future solution is bleeding obvious is exasperating

Get off your high horse. We always fucking asked. She made a list. We followed it. It still wasn't enough or good enough. Or expensive enough.

Good lord, I thought you were going to say he'd given you an enormous inflatable Santa to go on the roof or something. The appropriate response is just "thank you, how thoughtful of you". That's all.

I've got one of those!

The presents have stopped.

She's now started WWW3 over a fucking Christmas card 😂