Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just ask for the money?

213 replies

Lizsrss · 19/12/2023 07:42

I feel like I probably am being unfair. My parents never really worked full time or with any need due to inheritance. They have two homes owned outright and two mortgages buy to lets which are income for them now they are officially retired. They do not have a lot of income and I understand the inheritance has always gone into the properties.

Anyway I’ve had a tough year. They’ve helped me out in the past and I do have the odd 500 quid every so often which I know is very generous. I have recently gone through a separation and my mortgage is 1,100. I could look at moving but obviously comes with it’s own issues like being near dc school and having stamp duty ready which I don’t. I was going to ask if they would give me an amount to reduce the repayments as mortgage is coming up for renewal. Around 50k would reduce then to 780 a month which would be a big help. I’ve checked new interest rates etc.

would this be insanely cheeky? Is it unfair to even ask? I am struggling with the mental stress of being single with dc (yes I have maintenance). It just feels so stressful. What would you do?

OP posts:
Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 19/12/2023 07:44

You're going to ask them for 50 thousand pounds?!?

I think you really do need to look more actively at what your other options might be.

Scarletttulips · 19/12/2023 07:44

Well you can ask and they could say no.

Why not approach the subject in a health/stress related way and see where that gets you?

Luxell934 · 19/12/2023 07:45

No I wouldn’t ask for the money directly, I’m a grown adult. You could talk to your parents about your situation, the mortgage renewal date and how much your mortgage will increase by and see if they offer you the money but it would be unreasonable to ask for it. Do you have siblings? Do your parents even have 50k if they don’t have a lot of income and own their properties outright?

Mercurial123 · 19/12/2023 07:49

You've already stated they don't have a large income, and yet you want to ask them for 50K. YABU and be prepared for them to say no, which will be awkward?

BMW6 · 19/12/2023 07:50

Well they appear to be financially savvy having bought 2 BTL properties, so why not ask their financial advice rather than a hand-out?

That MAY lead to them offering to sell one of the properties to help buy yours, but if they don't offer I certainly wouldn't expect or ask them to do so.

They'd have to sell one as from your OP they don't have £50,000 lying in a bank account, so their rental income would be halved.

FiveShelties · 19/12/2023 07:52

How will you feel if they say no?

Is your husband paying the right amount?

Could you move to a smaller property in a cheaper area?

Jf20 · 19/12/2023 07:52

Where will they get this from?

kimchio · 19/12/2023 07:53

Ridiculously cheeky. They'll need that for their care home fees. If you can't afford your house do what you'd do without your parents input

Candleabra · 19/12/2023 07:53

Sorry, you want to ask your parents to give you fifty thousand pounds? That’s insane.

YeahIsaidit · 19/12/2023 07:54

Scarletttulips · 19/12/2023 07:44

Well you can ask and they could say no.

Why not approach the subject in a health/stress related way and see where that gets you?

Yes, manipulate people into handing over tens of thousands of pounds, lovely 🙄

mumguilt999 · 19/12/2023 07:55

Where would they get this 50 thousand pounds?

How much is Stamp Duty? I would be more inclined to ask for a loan to cover that because if you can't afford your current home, you'll need to move, same as anyone else would need to. Unfortunate re schools etc but these things can't be helped.

VisionsOfSplendour · 19/12/2023 07:56

Impossible to say without knowing your parents, I'm pretty sure that mine would do anything they could to help but I recognise that all families are different

Only you really know how they will react

RandomButtons · 19/12/2023 07:56

They don’t actually have that kind of money sitting about though from what you’ve written.

if they sell a property they will loose income, and you’ve made it sound like they don’t have income to spare. If they remortgage their expenditure would go up (and they’d be mad to remortgage at the moment).

So no, I don’t think you can ask them for that much.

nowordsforthis · 19/12/2023 07:58

From what you describe, they don't have 50,000 just sitting there to give you, and would lose their own income if they sell the BTL properties. I would be up front with them about your financial situation (and worries), but YABU to ask them to give you a massive lump sum. Unfortunately, you need to plan to live within your means, even if this means downsizing.

Jf20 · 19/12/2023 08:10

kimchio · 19/12/2023 07:53

Ridiculously cheeky. They'll need that for their care home fees. If you can't afford your house do what you'd do without your parents input

What??

BMW6 · 19/12/2023 08:13

Jf20 · 19/12/2023 08:10

What??

Show quote history

What do you mean by "what??"

The post you are referencing was perfectly clear to my mind!

kimchio · 19/12/2023 08:15

Jf20 · 19/12/2023 08:10

What??

Show quote history

What part do you need clarification on?

IdealisticCynic · 19/12/2023 08:18

They have 4 properties! I know my parents would be fine if I asked and would likely give me the money even if it meant selling one of their properties to help me and their grandchildren out. I know I would absolutely do the same for my DC. We don’t really understand the point of money, if not to help out your children.

But if I’ve learned anything from MN, it’s that not all families behave like ours - for us children, even adult children, are always the priority. Frankly, I’m still aghast at how many people ask their children to pay rent once they hit 18.

Only you know your parents and how they would react to you asking though. Given that they are in their excellent financial position as a result of inheritance rather than their own work, I would hope they would be more understanding.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/12/2023 08:22

Surely they’d have offered if they wanted to. Ask if you’re alright with them saying no. And plan as if they will so you’ve got other ideas. Do you have siblings?

Resilience · 19/12/2023 08:23

I don't think anyone can answer this for you @Lizsrss. It's so dependent on your individual family.

It's not remotely unreasonable to ask if your family can comfortably afford it and it's the type of behaviour that fits with their typical behaviour pattern. It's extremely unreasonable if it would be uncharacteristic or cause them hardship.

Camorra · 19/12/2023 08:24

Time to adult OP. Its hard but what do you think the millions of people without parental support do?

Original poster
Lizsrss · 19/12/2023 08:25

They definitely have at least 50k lying around, maxed out premium bonds and lots of savings account etc but what I meant was they have little income so can’t add to the savings if that makes sense? As for how much savings they have, I have no idea beyond the premium bonds and other general accounts that they use for holidays, which cost at least 5k a time. Regardless I know 50k is a lot and previously I was given 40k when I bought my first home 8 years ago. It is not unusual with our friends/relatives to hand over this sort of money so I don’t think 50k is an insane amount but I don’t want to put them in an awkward position either

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizsrss · 19/12/2023 08:27

@Camorra i don’t know but if parents have money they generally help dc? I know I would with mine

OP posts:
Passingthethyme · 19/12/2023 08:28

Surely your parents would offer as they will know your circumstances have changed? I'd try and figure someone out first, and only ask if I was desperate

Original poster
Lizsrss · 19/12/2023 08:28

@AnneLovesGilbert yes I have a brother and his in laws paid off their mortgage so my parents often say he doesn’t need their help etc however I would not be ok having 50k and that not being accounted for down the line as I believe he should have equal amounts to me. He couldn’t care less as he has lots but I feel strongly about it.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread