To just ask for the money?

[Lizsrss]

I feel like I probably am being unfair. My parents never really worked full time or with any need due to inheritance. They have two homes owned outright and two mortgages buy to lets which are income for them now they are officially retired. They do not have a lot of income and I understand the inheritance has always gone into the properties.

Anyway I’ve had a tough year. They’ve helped me out in the past and I do have the odd 500 quid every so often which I know is very generous. I have recently gone through a separation and my mortgage is 1,100. I could look at moving but obviously comes with it’s own issues like being near dc school and having stamp duty ready which I don’t. I was going to ask if they would give me an amount to reduce the repayments as mortgage is coming up for renewal. Around 50k would reduce then to 780 a month which would be a big help. I’ve checked new interest rates etc.

would this be insanely cheeky? Is it unfair to even ask? I am struggling with the mental stress of being single with dc (yes I have maintenance). It just feels so stressful. What would you do?

@soemptyinside please don't hate yourself for not doing more. It sounds like you do absolutely everything you could. I've seen it happen several times in my family now. There is a point where love and desire to do it yourself just isn't enough. And professionals are needed x

I would ask maybe from a early inheritance perspective?

But be prepared they may say no and it would be unreasonable to be resentful of that.

My parents are boomers have 8k sat in their current account. 150k + in isas etc.

If I ask they will lend me money and have occasionally gifted me £500. They don't owe me anything but I think if they knew how tight things can be sometimes they would absolutely help out. They just don't realise.

OP could you ask them for a loan? I think it may be a bit of a shock to ask for the 50k as a gift but opening the conversation in terms of a loan might be easier.

Can I ask though (if you don’t mind) how you’ve ended up in the house on your own? Did you buy your ex out? It may be worth considering selling up and downsizing, I know this is not the first choice solution but unless you get a gift/loan from your parents you are setting yourself up for a lot of stress trying to keep on top of payment.

OP isn’t struggling. She’d just like an easier life.

similar to PP who gave money to save sons business. The OP int losing her house, she just wants to pay less.

@Lizsrss have you started divorce proceedings yet? You and your parents need to get legal advice before they hand over any large sums to you. You have to check whether your ex could claim a part of it.

Ah that makes more sense. Yes the reply function that doesn’t make any link whatsoever to the post or poster you’re replying to is worse than useless.

I think you've got a real cheek coming on here at a time like this when people are having to explain to their kids why Santa isn't coming this year, talking about £50k as an insignificant amount of money.

You're an adult who has clearly already had a lot of handouts, sort it out yourself.

Surely parents want to help their children if they can afford to? We have given 6 figure sums to each of our sons to help with house buying and renovation. Why wouldn’t we? Giving away money is also a sensible means of defraying inheritance tax. You can give away considerable sums each year provided you can show is from your income and does not come from savings etc.

TrickyD · Today 10:54

Surely parents want to help their children if they can afford to? We have given 6 figure sums to each of our sons to help with house buying and renovation. Why wouldn’t we? Giving away money is also a sensible means of defraying inheritance tax. You can give away considerable sums each year provided you can show is from your income and does not come from savings etc.”

We help ours as much as we can, voluntarily. If they were in OP’s position and asked/expected it, I imagine we’d think again.

Very few people have to worry about inheritance tax.

What makes you think they can afford to?

It sounds like the OP's parents have the majority of their wealth locked up in income-generating assets (the four houses). The way to realise cash would be to sell a house, but that would reduce their income - and that's the money they're living on. They're retired.

Are you missing the point that the parents are retired?

The four houses are funding their retirement - the passive rental income is effectively the equivalent of a pension.

Also, once an inheritance is inherited... it becomes that person's money. People choose who to leave their money to, and that's OK.

If the person who died wanted the OP to have the money, they'd have left the money to the OP.

Thank you. I had a little cry at your kindness. Putting someone in care knowing they'll die in care is the hardest decision I've ever made in my life. No one makes that decision lightly. x

MrsSkylerWhite

‘Very few people have to worry about inheritance tax’

Actually quite a lot do, including us.

Depends on your relationship. I could happily ask mine and they wouldn't resent it. They'd feel comfortable to say no with no issues, similarly if they had access to it they'd want to help.

I don't think you can ask for them just to give you £50K if they don't have much income themselves, as they'd be better off investing that so they do get some income from it, but maybe an interest free loan?

If they've got tons of cash, I'd ask for the money. But having said that, I've never asked for money so actually I probably wouldn't! When I split up with my husband, I applied for (and got) a better, higher paying job so that I'd have more money. Is that an option?

You can talk to them about your situation and what you can do. You really cannot ask for 50k which they may not have (i.e. asset rich, cash poor). It is their money and they are entitled to help you or not, as they choose. But if you ask for 50k and they say no, for whatever reason, that is going to sour your relationship. You are a grown up and need to sort your own finances. If your mortgage is unaffordable then you will have to move - or take a lodger, perhaps? As you say, moving is a real hassle so another option is to talk to your lender about the financial situation, there are ways to reduce your payments by deferment, for example. Things will improve.

Retired from what??? They’ve never worked! 2 houses are funding the retirement leaving them with just the 2 homes they haven’t earned for themselves. Fair enough if that was the intention of the original person who earned the money and left it to them, but I think it would be pretty hypocritical of the parents to insist the OP makes her own way when they didn’t.

They have already provided you with a deposit

Their savings are probably there to be their rainy day funds while using their BTL income to live off day to day. If they are still mortgaged as mortgage isn't deductible anymore and they will pay tax on the full amount of rent that doesn't generate much income.

The fact they take £5k only for their holidays suggests they have planned sensibly for their retirement and that there isn't just spare cash around.

Finally stamp duty is only payable upon completion so in theory you could borrow to cover this if you are downsizing or moving to a cheaper area.

We have been generous with our own kids by way of deposits too but having paid these in our minds that is now done and any other money is earmarked for us for potentially 25 years plus of life post retirement and the expenses that will inevitably arise.

That's true enough but most of us cannot dish out 6 figure sums (that's anything over 100k) to their DSs out of income. We would have to sell property. You are being a little patronising here, because the houses owned by the OP's parents are their retirement nest-egg and selling any of it to the benefit of the OP (who is not in dire straits, but just unhappy to have to pay out a high mortgage and essentially is asking for a cut of what they assume will be their inheritance anyway) will reduce their income. They are entitled to do whatever they wish with what they inherited and what they invested, including not leaving it to the OP but to Battersea Dogs' Home. The OP does not appear to understand this, sounding as if they feel entitled to this money and that they have a right to know what their parents did with the 'inheritance' as if blowing it on world cruises would have been inappropriate!

I agree. If it could be possible to maintain stability for the children (especially after a divorce), why not even ask?
Fwiw, my own parents were never in the position to give me such amounts of money, but I know other families where parents paid off their adult children’s mortgage (both children working, so definitely not entitled or lazy) or offered 100 grand towards a deposit.
My MIL is financially more than stable without having had worked since getting married. She helps us and my husband’s siblings out occasionally - not with huge sums, but it’s still very welcome.

I agree, very much depends on your relationship.

You wouldn't have to ask my father twice, not that I ever have or have needed to, but there would be no point speaking to my mother. She would just go into one on being irresponsible and stupid.

Please ask them. The worst thing that can happen is that they say no.

They have already given you 40k. It is not your money but theirs'. I wish I lived in social circles where giving a DC 50k was normal. How do you think the rest of us manage?

I do not think it's unreasonable to ask your parents for help if they are well off and you are not. I would do anything to help my children out, within reason, and would feel sad if they felt they couldn't talk to me about it.

Myself and most of my friends have been helped out by our parents in one way or another, be it small or large. My mum would do anything to help me if I was in a difficult situation.

They might not have the money of course, and I wouldn't just go right in and say 'can I have 50k?' but absolutely talk to them about it. Ask what they can do to help.

Good luck xxx

Pointless to ask on here. British people can be extremely tied to the idea that they are a super independent lone wolf type and never had a penny of help so you have to do the same or you are a loser - this attitude seems to be super intense on Mumsnet.
I always find those types are the most likely to conveniently forget help they have had, like free childcare from relatives, private schooling or a relative doing most of the DIY on their house at cost price, or winning £20k - nope they'll tell you they did it all themselves. 😂
I agree with the posters saying that inherited wealth should be looked after for the next generation, ideally not frittered away on luxuries or by not working.
And also with the posters who say family should want to help each other where they can financially to make life better for all.