To just ask for the money?

[Lizsrss]

I feel like I probably am being unfair. My parents never really worked full time or with any need due to inheritance. They have two homes owned outright and two mortgages buy to lets which are income for them now they are officially retired. They do not have a lot of income and I understand the inheritance has always gone into the properties.

Anyway I’ve had a tough year. They’ve helped me out in the past and I do have the odd 500 quid every so often which I know is very generous. I have recently gone through a separation and my mortgage is 1,100. I could look at moving but obviously comes with it’s own issues like being near dc school and having stamp duty ready which I don’t. I was going to ask if they would give me an amount to reduce the repayments as mortgage is coming up for renewal. Around 50k would reduce then to 780 a month which would be a big help. I’ve checked new interest rates etc.

would this be insanely cheeky? Is it unfair to even ask? I am struggling with the mental stress of being single with dc (yes I have maintenance). It just feels so stressful. What would you do?

You’re an adult right? Why is your first thought to go running to the bank of mum and dad ?

I can’t believe how you’re talking about them and their holidays etc, it’s their money they can spend it on whatever they want!

why can’t you increase your earnings? Downsize? Increase the mortgage term? Suck up the increase and move on like the rest of us??

My parents have a tonne of cash and I have never asked them for a penny, despite divorce etc. I can stand on my own two feet and they should enjoy the money they have!

@Passingthethyme they wouldn’t offer, I had to ask when I was looking to buy my first house. They are the boomer generation and definitely didn’t understand why I needed help with a deposit! But they helped when I explained. For context I am a massively hard worker and always have been, when they contributed 40k I had already saved 35k and I was 22.

Given they've had a MASSIVE step up due to a generous relative, I think it's fair enough to ask if they're willing to pay on the favour and help you out a little (and a lot less than they received).

If they say no, then they say no, but it's hardly cheeky to ask, especially when they've had a huge helping hand in the past that's enabled an easy lifestyle.

50k?! YABU. That's a hell of a lot of money.

@Youcannotbeseriousreally literally never said they shouldn’t spend their money on things, I was trying to explain the context of their savings.

I work hard thanks, but not ashamed to admit I would like an easier life as a single parent, who wouldn’t?!

@WhichIsItWendy this is how I feel about it, I know it’s not ‘my’ money, but they were gifted hundreds of thousands a long time ago so have never experienced money worries ever.

You'd ask your elderly parents for £50k ?!?

I guess you can ask. Equally they can say no.

Mortgage companies aren't overly generous with their loans so I assume the mortgage is affordable for you. Why do you need the extra? I'd look at cutting back on everything else first?

Are you getting all the CM you are entitled to? Can you work more hours or find a better paying job? Or you could extend the term of your mortgage. Go interest only for a year.

How old are your dcs? Are you still paying childcare? Will that end soon?

I would speak to them about your situation and ask if there’s any way they could possibly help (if they can afford it comfortably) and consider it an early inheritance. If you have siblings offer to have this money taken out from your portion of the inheritance in the will. Don’t go in asking for or expecting anything but I suspect if they can afford it and you have a good relationship, they’ll offer something to try and help.

Most would love an easier life, I just wouldn’t want one given to me on a silver platter because I mistakenly thought I was entitled to it! I just can’t imagine thinking like you - sorry!

Rather than asking for another large handout, why didn't you mention the initial 40k in your OP. Would it be an option to sell your house and move into one of their rentals? Your outgoings would be less and you wouldn't be just taking but paying them rent

I think it’s fine to ask OP. My parents wouldn’t have 50k to give to us but there is a long multi generational history of older more well off family giving younger family members a leg up like this, often with housing or higher education costs. And it’s very much done on a pay-it-forward basis rather than pay-it-back. It sounds like your family works this way too. If they have the money spare they may be happier doing this and avoiding you paying a chunk of interest to the bank, rather than needing to drip feed you 500pounds every couple of months for the next few years of which a higher proportion will be going directly to the bank.

@Youcannotbeseriousreally fair enough, you’re probably a better person than me!! 🤦‍♀️ I just want the best for my dc and know this would make a massive difference

If you've already had 40k, asking for another 50k is absolutely a huge amount of money.

Yes, I'd help my kids if they desperately needed it. Equally, I'd expect them to be adults and not run to Mum to make their lives easier by making other peoples harder.

Your parents are entitled to spend their money on holidays or keep it in savings etc. You don't get to decide that you want their money more than they do ..

They’ve already given you £40k so they have already been incredibly generous and. I think you should be able to survive , or do you intend to keep on going back to ask for more and more every time you don’t fancy making it happen yourself?

Not helpful I know but how the other half live...sigh

I'm still aghast that some people on MN seem to believe that teaching your child that adults have adult responsibilities, including financial ones, is the wrong thing to do @IdealisticCynic

Child benefit stops aged 18, lessening the household income. That income can be make or break for some families. If an 18 year old is working full time, why on earth would you not take the life learning opportunity to teach your child that they need to pay their way in life, because their contribution could be the difference between keeping their home or losing it.

You're in a very privileged position if you don't have to ask your child to contribute to the household income when they're earning. Recognise this @IdealisticCynic and stop being "aghast". These teetering finances are real life for many many families.

@Lizsrss You know your parents best. Some parents would prefer to be asked outright so they can say yes/no. Some parents would like you to discuss finances with them, so they can decide if they'd like to help. Some parents don't ever want to discuss money and you'll dent your relationship with them by even mentioning it. Only you know which of these your family fits into. I hope you find the right solution for you.

Sorry why do you think you are you entitled to their savings? Your “pretty sure” they have 50k lying around which you seem to think you deserve somehow. I hope they tell you to suck it up and grow up.

So this isn't an emergency OP? You haven't been made redundant and struggling to keep a roof over your child's head?

This is just because you fancy an easier life and want what they have.

Where is your self-respect?

Perhaps asking if they could help each month with a £100 or a good shop to help you cover the mortgage because your not going to be able just to move immediately

@IdealisticCynic not everyone has pots of money to dish out from or can afford to subsidise adult children, and it's quite naive not to understand that concept.

Give your DC the best on your own metit then.

If a child’s income is needed because a family relies on child benefit to run the household, then yes, I understand it. But there are myriad stories on here of people charging their children rent even when they don’t financially need it. That’s what I’m aghast at.

The idea that someone can’t learn to be an adult if not forced to pay their parents an income is utter nonsense. My parents let my DB and I live with them rent free after we finished uni and started work. It allowed us to pay off our debts, build up a deposit and buy homes. We are both financially independent, professional, functioning adults, despite - or perhaps because of - that help. I will do exactly the same for my children. Why wouldn’t I, when I can afford it?

Yes it’s a very lucky position compared to some. But the OP’s parents were lucky too because they inherited the majority of their money. Why on Earth wouldn’t they help their children and grandchildren?

I think only you know your family’s situation. From your responses you seem to feel entitled to it, possibly even resentful that you don’t already have it, with reference to your boomer parents, how they have never really had to work, and their expensive holidays, your lucky brother who’s in-laws have done more for him than your parents have done for you, etc.

Just because they were given money it doesn’t mean you are entitled to it. I can hardly believe you asked them for 40k and now want another 50k.
The way you speak about how they came by the money and their lack of work is off. Their circumstances are different and you haven’t lived their life. Maybe some day you will inherit from them and you will be better off financially. In the meantime live your own life. If they wanted you to have the money, surely they would offer.

So you want them to either give you probably all their savings or perhaps sell or remortgage one of their properties?

That's a very big thing to ask.

You say they don't offer but do hand over money if asked. Do you think this means they don't really want to but feel put on the spot?