Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF Sister in Law

283 replies

DailyMailHater · 17/12/2023 21:04

SIL has been having a hard time recently, end of long term relationship and made redundant and is struggling for money , she called DH yesterday to say she has no food in the cupboards and no money.

Dh and I each pay 50/50 on household bills etc and then all other finances are separate , DH said he didn’t have much to help her at the moment, but I said I could as I have some extra this month due to Xmas bonus… so suggested we do an online food shop for her to be delivered this week, (she lives 3hrs away) , my view is she is family and if you can help out, you help out.

DH spoke to her and she said that would be really appreciated and then proceeded to send an extensive list through (first hint of CF!)

I managed to get a delivery slot with her local supermarket for Tuesday afternoon and added everything off her list - mostly tins and frozen foods so long lasting and should keep her going for a while, I then added a few extras like her fav biscuits, a bottle of wine and some flowers just to cheer her up as she is really down at the money in total it came to almost £200

DH text her and confirmed delivery date and time etc (was surprised to get a slot - Xmas week!) all good.

She has then called today and asked if we can see if we can change delivery to Tuesday morning as she has booked a last minute 2-day spa break (about 1.5hrs away from her home) to relax and de-stress from all the recent upset and needs to leave at lunch time on Tuesday to “make the most of it”

I am shocked that she feels it is ok to do this after pleading poverty - i said DH should ask where this money suddenly came from considering I have just done her food shop for her he says it is none of our business….

I am happy to help family out but this is totally taking the piss isn’t it?

OP posts:
KenAdams · 17/12/2023 21:26

Wtf. A two day spa break would cost loads more than £200. Cancel the order.

momonpurpose · 17/12/2023 21:26

BananaPyjamaLlama · 17/12/2023 21:11

I would be cancelling the delivery.

Absolutely this. And if cf sil wants to talk about it you can't you are at the spa!

tescocreditcard · 17/12/2023 21:27

Yep. Another vote here for cancelling the food order.

10HailMarys · 17/12/2023 21:28

This CANNOT be real but if it is, absolutely cancel it

Awrite · 17/12/2023 21:35

Cancel the order is the new Mumsnet warcry.

Snowdogsmitten · 17/12/2023 21:36

cockadoodledandy · 17/12/2023 21:06

Yes, it is. I think I'd tell her it can't be moved, only cancelled so that's the best thing to do.

Nailed it.

FlamingoQueen · 17/12/2023 21:36

Cancel the delivery. Appalling!

Itsbeginingtolookalotlikexmas · 17/12/2023 21:38

Call her. Maybe a friend has paid for her or she has it free for some reason. If not I would definitely cancel.

DontListenToWhatYouveConsumed · 17/12/2023 21:39

So really what she meant when she pleaded poverty was she didn't have money for food BECAUSE she'd booked a 2 day spa for herself.
She will still be hungry but maybe a bit more relaxed about it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Xmasisoffsantahascovid · 17/12/2023 21:39

Obviously cancel. Unless you are stupid...

neeep · 17/12/2023 21:45

Phone her up ask her how she's paying for the spa

Morechocmorechoc · 17/12/2023 21:47

Wow you both fell fir that one. Obviously cancel it.

Fuzziduck · 17/12/2023 21:47

Reduce the amount to the minimum - prob £40. Defo remove all the treats.

willingtolearn · 17/12/2023 21:51

I'd be more pissed off with DH saying it was none of my business.

Easy for him to say when he 'had no money' to help his sister out and instead let you use your bonus.

Canonlythinkofthisone · 17/12/2023 21:52

Maybe, she's not paid for the spa. If she has then obviously she's the cheekiest CF going.
I'd be furious at my DH too saying it wasn't my business. Wonder if he'd be saying that had he fronted £200.
Some families are batshit

BarkHorse · 17/12/2023 21:52

its unlikely someone has just booked a spa break this close to Christmas

so either she paid for it earlier in the year or someone else did.

Snowdogsmitten · 17/12/2023 21:54

BarkHorse · 17/12/2023 21:52

its unlikely someone has just booked a spa break this close to Christmas

so either she paid for it earlier in the year or someone else did.

I’m not sure you can rely on that logic. I’ve just booked a night at Chewton Glen as a last minute present. 😬

HMW1906 · 17/12/2023 21:55

Confirm that she has paid for the spa day and it wasn’t gifted.

if she’s paid for it then cancel the delivery, if your husband has a problem with that then tell him he will be paying for it so items will need to be removed to suit his budget instead of yours.

daisybe · 17/12/2023 21:55

Wow. I'd cancel the food shipping since she clearly does have money. That's an awful thing to pull right before Christmas.
Spa breaks are not cheap, esp this close to Christmas.

Jesus. I'd be so ashamed to even think of doing something like that. Especially when someone went out of their way to get me so much food.

EmmaEmerald · 17/12/2023 21:56

BarkHorse · 17/12/2023 21:52

its unlikely someone has just booked a spa break this close to Christmas

so either she paid for it earlier in the year or someone else did.

Nope

my friend is on a bunch of mailing lists and just told me she's got a good offer this week

just looked at a website out of curiosity...lots of availability this week.

colette1970 · 17/12/2023 21:57

Amend the order to a loaf of bread and 6 tins of cheapest spaghetti/ baked beans and leave her to it if she can book a spa she can afford food etc

daisybe · 17/12/2023 21:57

2jacqi · 17/12/2023 21:23

@DailyMailHater if you cancel do you get your money refunded?? if so i would cancel and tell her that perhaps she should cancel her spa day and put the money towards the food she needs! bloody cheek she has!!!

Generally they don't actually charge you until its the day of delivery in case there are out of stock items/substitutions etc so technically the money hasn't left ops account

Greenpolkadot · 17/12/2023 21:59

Another vote for cancelling the shopping

TempyBrennan · 17/12/2023 22:00

We’ve bought a spa day at a basic but lovely place for MIL and it’s cost us £200 for just 7hours day access.

id be telling her you’ll cancel and I don’t give a flying foot to those who say it’s none of your business. If it’s legit a gift from another then it’ll be an easy conversation and the order stands. If it’s not, it’s cancelled.

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/12/2023 22:02

If you can't cancel, then I would redirect that order to my own house. She is really really cheeky.