Love, darling, sweetheart etc.

[monsteraa]

I hear these words regularly from men, day in, day out - bus drivers, tradesmen, shopkeepers, etc.

I don't like it when men I don't know call me these things, I find it patronising.

Sometimes I want to say 'I'm not your sweetheart' (but of course I don't, I'm too polite).

AIBU?

It’s just normal, nice human interaction in my opinion…..something that is being snuffed out in society at the minute.

It’s just friendly, and warm and I’ve never experienced it in a patronising way.

Yeah, but a lot of people on here are
making things up to show how very professionally unoffended they are.

Of course it's ok! Whyever not?

Seriously? That’s unbelievable. The sexism and ageism on MN never fails to astound me.

In my home town, it's usual for people to call each other "Duck". Men and women say it. I can't see anything wrong with any of those terms, they're just friendly

I'm not crazy about endearments from strangers, but I don't mind that much. Love, honey, darling, sweetheart, pet, petal, babe, me babber, etc. Depends if it's friendly or belittling. DH, just plain hates being called 'mate'. He wants to say 'I'm not your fucking mate'. Women do it now, he says they never used to.

How on earth do you know they are making things up? Again, you don’t get to tell other people what to think or how to think. You have your opinion and that’s fine, I completely disagree and that is also fine. Just because people have a different opinion it doesn’t mean they are making things up about their experiences. That is insulting accusation but I’m not surprised really. To be honest I find your posts far more patronising than a stranger or work colleague calling me love.

God you'd hate it oop north lol love at one side and cock at the other regardless of sex of speaker or receiver!

Isn't everyone's reply their own opinion though?
I didn't say I had the right to dictate to anyone.
I'm not really sure what you think you are trying to say.

In Dorset I’ve been called ‘lover’ or even ‘my lover’ which threw me the first time, but it’s all meant kindly

What really grinds my gears, and I've had it happen more than once, is when I'm in an environment where the men are called sir and the women love. Happened on a train to me when tickets were being checked, and the second time I challenged the conductor and asked why the men were sir but I was love? He was a bit flummoxed. Posted on here and there was a 50/50 split between YANBU well done and YABU you cowbag. Such is life!

It's a manner of speaking that's arisen from habit, local custom, vernacular, and upbringing... most of these are harmless, innocuous and frankly meaningless. The speaker means nothing by them other than trying to be friendly.

I agree that people look for things to be offended by these days.

I miss being called "hen" as a girl or young woman in Scotland. "Right, hen?" rather than "Can I help you, young lady" in shops!

@buffyajp "How on earth do you know they are making things up?"

Well, for a start, men do not call other men "love" in "the North" So, when anyone says they do, I know they are making things up.

I absolutely hate being called Duck. It really infuriates me.

I’ve heard a man call another man “love” in Yorkshire on several occasions. And I’m not making it up.

Bloody hell what's going on. Somebody else on here complaining about being referred to as a girl.
The eternally offended need to get a grip.

Cock or cocker or in my late granddads case cockbird are very common where I'm from. I say it very often and I love it:

I call lots of people things like that and I have no problem with other people calling me those things either.
Although I was a little at being called "babe" by the girl on the checkout at Superdrug, who was approx 25 years younger than me

I think the crux here is that while these terms are mostly friendly greetings, they are also occasionally used as ways of undermining one group or promoting another.

If you've had a term used in a patronising/undermining way a few times then of course you're more likely to not enjoy it being said to you at all, than someone who hadn't experienced the patronising/undermining.

The sir/love example given by @harriethoyle fits the patronising/undermining narrative quite well. There was perhaps no intentional ill meaning but it was still there.

@DejaVoodoo I was called hen a lot too in my childhoood, often by a Glesga Granny about to embark on telling me her life story while waiting for the number 62 bus! Fond memories of different times.

The sir/love thing is interesting.
Men quite like being called "Sir" it sounds respectful and gives them a certain elevated status.
But I've never met a woman who likes being called "Madam".

I live in Lancashire and they absolutely do

I find it endearing. It wouldn’t occur to me to get upset about it.

It is part of the British vernacular. There is no offence meant by the user. Both male and females use these expressions.
Some expressions change in various parts of the country.

I find it rather endearing and friendly.

Maybe you would prefer if people ignored you or gave you sullen service.

It's of my absolute favourite things about the UK. It's lovely. It's a class thing rather than regional. My Nan was a working class Londoner and called everyone love/sweetheart/darling. I live in a northern city now and it's the same. Middle class people tend not to do it, but upper class people do. We have upper class family friends who are very 'hello dahhhling'. I once saw a young female ticket inspector work her way through a carriage of rowdy drunken football fans, she called them all sweetheart and darling and by the time she'd got to the end of the carriage they were putty in her hands as she'd completely charmed them all. It's a lovely way of addressing people and I hope it doesn't die out.

I'm in Yorkshire and men call each other love here. Everyone calls each other love.