To think spending £400 on a 4 year old at Christmas is too much?

[user6776]

Not a bragging post before I begin and I appreciate we are lucky to have the money to spend.

We've already bought DS an iPad which cost £180. This was the "main" present and he will get his use out of it, as he's ASD and it helps to regulate him so I didn't mind forking out for that.

Anyway, I was thinking of then setting a remaining budget of £100 for some other bits that he can open - toys, clothes etc. DH was shocked and thought I was being "tight" and suggested we increase the budget to at least £200. He's of the opinion that whatever we see that we think DS might like, that we should buy it and not really have a budget. I told him that's ridiculous and there's no need to buy so much for such a small child!

AIBU to think this is too much?

I personally wouldn't spend £400 on a 4 year olds Christmas gifts.

There comes a point where they can become a bit overwhelmed by all the presents. Especially if other family members will be buying him gifts too.

I'm with you OP.

I agree with you. Too many presents is often overwhelming anyway and they actually enjoy fewer ones.

@Scruffington Exactly! We know family have already bought him gifts so it's just going to be too much. DS can get quickly overwhelmed anyway, but having so many toys at once will probably make him worse. I really don't think I am being tight by not wanting to buy so much.

Not to mention we already have 2 toy boxes full. Most of it ends up in the charity shop/tip anyway eventually

Way way too much IMO. I have friends that spend hundreds and hundreds and their children have not grown up happier because of the excess.

I've spent more and I've spent less. I tend not to have a set budget for any of my kids (within reason) I don't buy for buying's sake or to make it up to a certain amount. Equally the years they've had an ipad or gaming console, they've still had a fair few more presents to open. Toys, board games, books, clothes etc. Has your 4 year old not made a list? Mine usually have about 8 items on them and I'll guide them on if it's too much or not. If they haven't asked for much, then I'll get them more surprises to open that I know they'll love and/or use.

In my opinion it depends what each present will cost and what you can afford. An iPad, and two other presents regardless of the cost doesn't seem OTT to me if it's affordable to you. An iPad and 10 other presents is, regardless how much they cost.

My parents never spent more than £150/200 each on me and my brother as loads and I was always grateful for what I got. I suppose that's what I'm used to. DH on the other hand was always bought loads, so I think he feels like he has to do the same for DS

Not at all. It's not something I want to brag about as I think it's a ridiculous amount of money to spend.

Well then stop buying stuff. God how wasteful

🙄 can anyone mention having money on mumsnet without being accused or bragging- at least add a useful comment.

I don't think there's a right or a wrong way to do it, it's just preference. Could you meet in the middle? Money on toys doesn't go that far, everything seems to add up really quickly

For a four year old I would have set a budget of £50. If you have already bought too much and can’t take it back, I would put most of it away and bring out a present each month. Four year olds get bored quickly.

Yes, it is too much. Too overwhelming. He won't get a chance to play with it all as he'll try each thing for 5 minutes then want to try the next thing rather than persisting with any one activity.

Also, you set a precedent. If next year you lose your jobs and can't afford £400, or further down the road you grow your family and have 5 kids to buy for then he will feel hard done by if he isn't getting tonnes of expensive stuff in subsequent years.

If money is no issue, put the money towards an annual pass for a local attraction or something instead. Or get DS to select a toy from a hospital/charity wish list and share the wealth.

Well you set a precedent. You could see it that you enjoy the Christmases where you have the money , as you may not always. Or you could think that you shouldn’t spend so much now as there’ll be an expectation, and if you can’t do it in future there’ll be disappointment.

I think it’s important to remember you are setting a standard that they will come to expect every year. Only do what you are willing to maintain for many years - and it gets much harder to do when they’re older.

We never set a budget , my kids ( now adults) always got what they wanted within reason and neither of them are spoilt and both prefer the buying for others part of Christmas .

Meanwhile, in the real world £400 is a perfectly ordinary amount

I find it weird when people say I wouldn’t spend more than £30 or £50- you can barely get anything these days for that amount!

We don’t have a budget as such but try not to go mad. We buy stuff they need (eg new scooter as one broke) and some new toys and games. I think it partly depends how much you buy all year- we never buy them new toys so they are due a restock!

I always find it weird when people say 'meanwhile in the real world' as though other people commenting are storybook people.

What 'real world' do you live in where £400 is a 'perfectly ordinary amount' to spend?

If you genuinely have such a generous budget I would hope you are putting adequate savings aside for your DC?

It is way too much, you have to spread the gifts out a bit, they are just going to get bored of everything and not appreciate the value of things at all. Plus you need to keep your options open on what to buy them on other occasions and in the coming years, don't splash out on everything now and run out of stuff to give them when they already have everything they could ever want now. Like surely you are not going to buy them a new iPad or bike or something like that every year, those are expensive mile stone gifts not a done in a dozen, unless you want a spoiled child? The average 4 year olds I come into contact with are over the moon with a colouring book and a doll and some bits like that and the occasional mile stone gift. And then all the additional bits from the rest of the family is almost too much already. But that's just my opinion.

Good luck when he asks for a quad bike at 8 and a Jet Ski at 14

I don’t think it’s too much to spend, we spent a similarly large amount one Christmas on a trampoline and then they also had plenty of presents under the tree. They ended up getting about 8 years of joy out of the trampoline, money well spent imo.
It’s all about the after value.