Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think spending £400 on a 4 year old at Christmas is too much?

217 replies

user6776 · 04/12/2023 20:55

Not a bragging post before I begin and I appreciate we are lucky to have the money to spend.

We've already bought DS an iPad which cost £180. This was the "main" present and he will get his use out of it, as he's ASD and it helps to regulate him so I didn't mind forking out for that.

Anyway, I was thinking of then setting a remaining budget of £100 for some other bits that he can open - toys, clothes etc. DH was shocked and thought I was being "tight" and suggested we increase the budget to at least £200. He's of the opinion that whatever we see that we think DS might like, that we should buy it and not really have a budget. I told him that's ridiculous and there's no need to buy so much for such a small child!

AIBU to think this is too much?

OP posts:
Littlecatonthefence · 06/12/2023 13:09

00100001 · 06/12/2023 13:03

Ok calm down. It's just seemed unlikely they don't receive a single toy, big or small throughout the year. Because people who know kids (aunts uncles, parents of friends etc) usually buy children toys for birthdays or special occasions or whatever.

So,.if you meant "we don't buy them toys" then fine... It wasn't clear.

Show quote history

We dont buy toys.

Grans and papas, aunts and uncles defo buy at birthdays. The older girls dont have toys anymore.

We dont do Easter toys or any other "events" in the year that would warrant presents

We defo go to sofplay/trampoline parks days out.

But physical toys or Christmas stuff type buys are purely at xmas

I think it was the way i was brought up, mum and dad were the same, large pile of presents at christmas and just the essentials/what was needed throughout the year.

ginandtonicwithlimes · 06/12/2023 13:09

Derdiedasdie · 06/12/2023 12:58

Jeez how depressing. I’m one of 5 from a not wealthy family and we never got hand me down gifts from older siblings. We always got something new for Christmas that was our own.

Show quote history

You have just presumed I never buy anything new for my youngest. I am one of seven and at times my mum starved herself to give us food. I imagine I wouldn't have noticed if a present wasn't new at the age of the child we are talking about. I would have been grateful. My one year old is getting some new things but if everything I got for him was second hand or hand me downs I don't see that as any issue? Good for the environment and my bank account. They don't care.

toddlermam · 06/12/2023 14:05

I've probably spent around that on my 3 year old tbh. I don't think it's excessive

PastelHouses · 06/12/2023 14:10

This reply has been deleted

This is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

Fightarealfire · 06/12/2023 17:18

00100001 · 06/12/2023 11:24

Again.... the lists were just examples in response to "what does £150 even get you these days?" as if you couldn't get a good amount of decent presents for that much - when you can.

And also - the golf thing, again, I was just saying there's nothing mandating that the PP absolutely had to buy all three things...

Show quote history

obviously you mean those lists as an example, but I still don’t see the sense in knowing what your children want and will use, and buying something else just because it’s cheaper.

Obviously you have to work to the budget you have, but if the kid asks for 3 sensible things for his hobby, and you can afford them and know he will use and value them I don’t see the sense in buying 6 other things instead because it’s a bit cheaper.

Fightarealfire · 06/12/2023 17:27

ginandtonicwithlimes · 06/12/2023 12:47

Don't have you have hand me downs? My son will get the Duplo my daughter was given. He has the dolls she was given and plays with a pram that I bought for her. Each to their own but at three she won't be bothered yet. Is there big age gaps?

Show quote history

Surely hand me down toys are just there in the house? Not hidden to be wrapped up and re gifted to younger kids… who would be like “oh there’s older sisters doll that I’ve played with a load of times before, why is it wrapped up like a present?”.

00100001 · 06/12/2023 17:42

Fightarealfire · 06/12/2023 17:18

obviously you mean those lists as an example, but I still don’t see the sense in knowing what your children want and will use, and buying something else just because it’s cheaper.

Obviously you have to work to the budget you have, but if the kid asks for 3 sensible things for his hobby, and you can afford them and know he will use and value them I don’t see the sense in buying 6 other things instead because it’s a bit cheaper.

Show quote history

I mean that no-one is compelled to spend £400+ on stuff just because the kid wants it. Whether it's one thing or 3. Child might want a new iPad... doesn't mean he's getting it.
I was just showing how there's plenty of other things that can be bought for £150 that he might like as well.

If people want to spend £400+ its nothing to do with me, no skin off my nose. but to imply that you can't get kids anything for £150 just isn't true and leans into the idea that Christmas must be expensive because "everyone spends £400" and "what can you even get for £150?" It just puts pressure on this people who can't find huge sums of money and perhaps makes them feel guilty for not being able to.. or worse getting in to debt so their kids have a massive pile of presents/latest tech etc because "that's what everyone else is getting".

00100001 · 06/12/2023 17:46

This reply has been deleted

This is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

But surely they won't "love" every item that's piled under the tree? You're just buying them stuff you think they'll like and that's fine... but let's not pretend all those gifts will be treasured items to them, and not just another toy in the pile of consumerism under your tree.

Ragwort · 06/12/2023 17:52

Parents who spend large amounts on presents ... do you also put money into your DC's savings accounts? A young relative of mine used to get the 'whole room full of presents' ... literally a sea of plastic tat toys, Barbie house, toy prams, dolls, dressing up clothes etc etc ... you could not move in the room. However her DPs put no money aside 'for the future'. They seemed obsessed with the 'magic' of the experience. We gave our DS nice - but modest - gifts, he is into sport so using the example of the teenager who was interested in golf we would give one item eg: a golf bag. We put money aside for our DS and also encouraged him to save financial gifts he was given.
Both DC reached their late teens ... my DS had enough to pay half the cost of his first car, 'extras' at Uni, decent travel, lap top etc etc ... the other DC has nothing ..
yes, the memory of all the toys but nothing to help to them into adult life ...

We all make choices about how we spend our money but £400 on a four year old seems completely OTT (in my opinion).

somewhereovertherain · 06/12/2023 17:54

Never spent more than £100 on our kids - it's one bloody day - it just gets madder and madder every year.

Comedycook · 06/12/2023 18:02

somewhereovertherain · 06/12/2023 17:54

Never spent more than £100 on our kids - it's one bloody day - it just gets madder and madder every year.

Agree....I consider us reasonably well off and I've never spent hundreds and hundreds. One year my ds asked for an Xbox ..we got it for him but apart from his stocking gifts from Santa, the Xbox was his only gift from us. I explained it was an expensive present so that would be it. He was perfectly happy. I'm amazed when I hear of kids getting iPads and bikes and phones...my kids would only get one big present.

Fightarealfire · 06/12/2023 18:04

00100001 · 06/12/2023 17:42

I mean that no-one is compelled to spend £400+ on stuff just because the kid wants it. Whether it's one thing or 3. Child might want a new iPad... doesn't mean he's getting it.
I was just showing how there's plenty of other things that can be bought for £150 that he might like as well.

If people want to spend £400+ its nothing to do with me, no skin off my nose. but to imply that you can't get kids anything for £150 just isn't true and leans into the idea that Christmas must be expensive because "everyone spends £400" and "what can you even get for £150?" It just puts pressure on this people who can't find huge sums of money and perhaps makes them feel guilty for not being able to.. or worse getting in to debt so their kids have a massive pile of presents/latest tech etc because "that's what everyone else is getting".

Edited
Show quote history

If the child wants it, and the parents can afford it, why shouldn’t they buy it? Yes, I could have bought a kindle for my son instead of a top of the range iPad, but he didn’t want a kindle and couldn’t use it for a whole load of stuff that he can use the iPad for.

I don’t see the need to say no for the sake of it.

Yes, obviously you can buy things for £150. You could buy 1500 penny sweets for example. But you couldn’t buy the golf things the previous poster was talking about, or a ps5 or millions of other things that children ask for- that’s what they mean, they presume you realise that they are talking within the context of high street prices and children’s wish lists.

00100001 · 06/12/2023 18:14

She could have bought one of the golf things... probably 2 for the £150...?

Again so what if a 8yo wants a PS5? Doesn't mean you have to buy it... They can have plenty of other decent gifts.

Also plenty of kids don't demand high priced items.

Since when was a Christmas list a list of demands instead of an ideas list?

Soed what you like, makes no difference to me. But £150 buys a child plenty.

Fightarealfire · 06/12/2023 18:14

Ragwort · 06/12/2023 17:52

Parents who spend large amounts on presents ... do you also put money into your DC's savings accounts? A young relative of mine used to get the 'whole room full of presents' ... literally a sea of plastic tat toys, Barbie house, toy prams, dolls, dressing up clothes etc etc ... you could not move in the room. However her DPs put no money aside 'for the future'. They seemed obsessed with the 'magic' of the experience. We gave our DS nice - but modest - gifts, he is into sport so using the example of the teenager who was interested in golf we would give one item eg: a golf bag. We put money aside for our DS and also encouraged him to save financial gifts he was given.
Both DC reached their late teens ... my DS had enough to pay half the cost of his first car, 'extras' at Uni, decent travel, lap top etc etc ... the other DC has nothing ..
yes, the memory of all the toys but nothing to help to them into adult life ...

We all make choices about how we spend our money but £400 on a four year old seems completely OTT (in my opinion).

Yes we put money into savings specifically for him every month and he also saves from his pocket money each week. His grandparents also save for him.

We also give to charity each month, donate food to the food bank, buy the big issue and donate toys at Christmas.

We aren’t devoid of good sense or a sense of duty to the community or environment (we don’t buy a lot of plastic stuff that gets chucked out, money goes on good quality things that will last and be valued)- we just enjoy ‘spoiling’ our son.

Fightarealfire · 06/12/2023 18:16

00100001 · 06/12/2023 18:14

She could have bought one of the golf things... probably 2 for the £150...?

Again so what if a 8yo wants a PS5? Doesn't mean you have to buy it... They can have plenty of other decent gifts.

Also plenty of kids don't demand high priced items.

Since when was a Christmas list a list of demands instead of an ideas list?

Soed what you like, makes no difference to me. But £150 buys a child plenty.

🤦‍♀️

If they want it, and you can afford it, it’s fine to buy it. Other people couldn’t or wouldn’t, that’s fine too… you don’t have moral superiority because you spend less. It’s literally a matter of personal taste!

00100001 · 06/12/2023 18:31

I agree.

But I disagree with the PP who implied you can't get anything for £150... That's all...

Luxell934 · 06/12/2023 18:32

If money isn’t an issue for you I’d just consider buying 2/3 presents for him to open, whether they cost £100 each or £30
each just buy stuff you know he will like/use. He doesn’t need 20 things to open, it’s too overwhelming and he won’t truly appreciate it. I assume he will he given presents by family too?

Sugarfree23 · 06/12/2023 18:32

somewhereovertherain · 06/12/2023 17:54

Never spent more than £100 on our kids - it's one bloody day - it just gets madder and madder every year.

You might see it as one day, I generally buy things that will be used for much longer than one day!

If I was only buying for the day it would be a bundle of chocolate 🍫 and zero hassle.

Sugarfree23 · 06/12/2023 18:35

@Ragwort of course money goes into kids savings. And to my car fund every month. I don't do debt excluding my mortgage. The thought of it scares the shit out of me.

00100001 · 06/12/2023 18:46

Sugarfree23 · 06/12/2023 18:32

You might see it as one day, I generally buy things that will be used for much longer than one day!

If I was only buying for the day it would be a bundle of chocolate 🍫 and zero hassle.

Show quote history

...she didn't mean that the stuff she buys lasts one day... Just that it's a lot of money to spend "for Christmas" which is one day.

Wisenotboring · 06/12/2023 18:54

It seems on rhe higher side, but it does include a more expensive item which I assume he wouldn't get every year. At that age I don't think they have many expectations so just do what suits you. If you have the money to spend maybe spend some of your budget on a nice theatre trip or something?

Sugarfree23 · 06/12/2023 18:58

00100001 · 06/12/2023 18:46

...she didn't mean that the stuff she buys lasts one day... Just that it's a lot of money to spend "for Christmas" which is one day.

Show quote history

So youvd never spent more than £100 on your kids at Christmas. What about birthdays?

Most kids seem to end up with big ticket items, bike's, consoles, phones. Did yours never have them?

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/12/2023 19:00

Ragwort · 06/12/2023 17:52

Parents who spend large amounts on presents ... do you also put money into your DC's savings accounts? A young relative of mine used to get the 'whole room full of presents' ... literally a sea of plastic tat toys, Barbie house, toy prams, dolls, dressing up clothes etc etc ... you could not move in the room. However her DPs put no money aside 'for the future'. They seemed obsessed with the 'magic' of the experience. We gave our DS nice - but modest - gifts, he is into sport so using the example of the teenager who was interested in golf we would give one item eg: a golf bag. We put money aside for our DS and also encouraged him to save financial gifts he was given.
Both DC reached their late teens ... my DS had enough to pay half the cost of his first car, 'extras' at Uni, decent travel, lap top etc etc ... the other DC has nothing ..
yes, the memory of all the toys but nothing to help to them into adult life ...

We all make choices about how we spend our money but £400 on a four year old seems completely OTT (in my opinion).

Yes, we are fortunate enough that we are able to do both.

Pipistrellus · 06/12/2023 19:02

Fightarealfire · 06/12/2023 17:27

Surely hand me down toys are just there in the house? Not hidden to be wrapped up and re gifted to younger kids… who would be like “oh there’s older sisters doll that I’ve played with a load of times before, why is it wrapped up like a present?”.

Show quote history

Some people say they buy a lot at Christmas because their children get nothing in the year. If there are no hand me downs that makes sense as children like a choice of things to play with, and things for outside and inside, quiet and noisy, constructive, creative and so on. If they have many of those things already then a few new things would be fine.

Ragwort · 06/12/2023 19:06

That's great if people can genuinely afford to buy expensive presents and save for their DC's future ... but let's be honest, a lot of people don't/can't and prioritise buying the 'big ticket items'. You only have to look at the threads on Mumsnet in the New Year about how people have got into debt due to over spending at Christmas... (yes, I've been here a long, long time Grin).