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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think spending £400 on a 4 year old at Christmas is too much?

217 replies

user6776 · 04/12/2023 20:55

Not a bragging post before I begin and I appreciate we are lucky to have the money to spend.

We've already bought DS an iPad which cost £180. This was the "main" present and he will get his use out of it, as he's ASD and it helps to regulate him so I didn't mind forking out for that.

Anyway, I was thinking of then setting a remaining budget of £100 for some other bits that he can open - toys, clothes etc. DH was shocked and thought I was being "tight" and suggested we increase the budget to at least £200. He's of the opinion that whatever we see that we think DS might like, that we should buy it and not really have a budget. I told him that's ridiculous and there's no need to buy so much for such a small child!

AIBU to think this is too much?

OP posts:
Quickredfox · 04/12/2023 22:41

user6776 · 04/12/2023 21:04

My parents never spent more than £150/200 each on me and my brother as loads and I was always grateful for what I got. I suppose that's what I'm used to. DH on the other hand was always bought loads, so I think he feels like he has to do the same for DS

£100 in 1985 is close to £300 today. I’ve held on to the £100 figure for years but it doesn’t buy much any more.

Fizbosshoes · 04/12/2023 22:42

I think the only time I've spent that much on my kids was last year because teen DD wanted a "new" phone (and that was 2nd hand).... because I generally didn't have £400/child to spend.

I think though at that age, children are largely unaware of the monetary value of presents. So a 4 year old is likely to be just as happy with an ipad and a couple of other things whether those cost £50 or £200.

Maryamlouise · 04/12/2023 22:46

This year spent £75 per child on two presents each and a bigger joint present and bits for their stockings. They will get presents from family and friends and have plenty to open. I think we all enjoy it more without an overwhelming amount to open. I agree with the PP who said it was more about what the present was (with example of a bike) and not buying for the sake of it.

Fightarealfire · 04/12/2023 22:52

GuitarGeorgina · 04/12/2023 22:33

i think it’s a ridiculous amount for a 4 yo, regardless of whether or not you can afford it. They best thing you could do would be to put the extra £200 in a savings account for when they’re older and really need the money for driving lessons, university, clothes and shoes that cost a fortune, etc

Why is it a ridiculous amount? You could by a Barbie house, a couple of Barbie’s and a bike and £400 would be gone. £400 in B&m buying stuff that will break in a week and means they have 200 things to unwrap would be a bit daft maybe , but £400 on quality stuff that will last and be used regularly is fine if you have the money.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 04/12/2023 22:56

Tbh I've probably spent similar.

He needed a new tablet, he uses it for communication as he's autistic with speech delay, and he uses it to regulate.

He has also seen those ride in cars with the parental controls and every time we walk past them he would try and contort himself out of his pushchair to get to them.

He's also a physical stimmer, and our poor new sofas are getting a hammering from all the bouncing so he's got a trampoline to try and prevent these sofas from sagging like the last ones.

And then because that's just 3 things and other kids in our family are exceptionally spoiled and will come and rub it in his face he's just got some little nick nacks from tiktok when I've seen them throughout the year and saved them.

I think it's easily done these days. But for my LO I feel like he misses out on so much anyway that on special occasions if I can afford it I will absolutely go OTT.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/12/2023 22:58

If you can afford it and it's thinks you think he'll genuinely like then I don't see an issue, especially considering he's got the ipad already.

Mine is 1 on Thursday and we've spent about £400 in total for birthday/Christmas but it means that he won't need any toys or other bits now until probably this time next year.

Blessedbethefruitz · 04/12/2023 23:02

I spent about that last year on ds who was almost 4 - mainly on a nintendo switch for him and his dad to play together, they're mario fans! This year I think the kids have cost less than £200 each, no big ticket items as we've gotten a fair amount second hand, including a bike. I aim for stockings plus 8 or so quality items - not necessarily expensive, dd has a musical frozen book and ds a minecraft puzzle that they'll be nuts about - and since they have no real sense of money value, it works out well (for now...). Any more than that leads to overwhelm I've found, and we have very little family so it's mostly us.

I don't budget, I just look for good deals on things they'll absolutely love and that will last (or get eaten). Top of ds list this year is a little live pets lamb that I was looking at with his sister in mind. He's been begging for months now for his lamb 😅 So they have 1 each, to care for and race etc!

Mummyofanonly · 04/12/2023 23:04

I’ve spent about £250 on my 3yo DD and hadn’t thought I’d be spending that much. Having a budget isn’t a bad idea but if you’re just spending it for spendings sake then that’s different. I know my daughters just getting into a variety of things so we’ll start the collection of Barbies and Squishmallows off, by the time I’ve chucked in a marble run, domino rally and a few other things I know she’ll enjoy- it soon adds up- and some bits were second hand! If I’d had a budget of £400, I wouldn’t have spent it all as she now has enough. Wait til he’s old enough to have a list totalling £1000s before spending it!

TheMaryBones · 04/12/2023 23:04

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WildflowersInAMasonJar · 04/12/2023 23:10

We probably spent more than that once they were that age and enjoyed their toys. We just bought them things they asked for and things we knew they would like, it soon adds up. We were both on the same page though.

Ittastesvile · 04/12/2023 23:14

Even £100 on top of the iPad seems like loads to me!

We've spent about £80 on dc(3), which is five gifts, four of which are second hand. I can imagine next year we'll buy a bike but we won't get much else in that case.

Even then dc is overwhelmed by the ridiculous number of gifts bought for them by family and friends.

TheUsualChaos · 04/12/2023 23:24

Personally I don't like the idea of tech like iPads being the main gift of Christmas for younger children. I would just give the iPad anyway if you feel he needs it but not for Christmas day. Keep Christmas presents as toys, books etc

jakesmommy · 04/12/2023 23:37

Could you buy things that he needs such as clothes, underwear, umbrella, boots but with a favourite character theme, that way it still looks like generous pile

mrshenny · 05/12/2023 09:51

I wouldn't spend that much personally, my 4 year olds gifts come to about £130 plus she'll get some from family. She has more than enough for her age imo

00100001 · 05/12/2023 11:52

Booboocars · 04/12/2023 22:09

Not crazy IMO

my daughter (5) got a new £500 ipad last week for homework - we don’t consider this a present as it’s for school / travelling.

Christmas will be a £200 barbie dream house - add Barbie’s, games, Maileg mice, stuffed toys and we are well over £400.

If you are spending £400 on piles of cheap tat from temu etc but quality toys don’t come cheap these days!

What homework are they being set at 5 that requires a dedicated iPad? Confused

Surely it's just things like reading books and stuff like... Help make a sandwich... send a card to someone ... count how many red things you can find on a walk ...

Daisies12 · 05/12/2023 11:56

Yes way too much. An iPad on its own is more than enough. Teach your kid to be grateful for what they have and make a £200 donation to a charity

littlemissmagic · 05/12/2023 12:02

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 04/12/2023 21:33

I wouldn't go overboard.......not because he's 4 or the amount of money. But because he has Autism and too much can be extremely overwhelming for kids who have ASD.

Keep it simple, he'll be a lot happier for it.

I totally agree with this.

ManateeFair · 05/12/2023 12:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

OK, but that's not really relevant to what the OP buys her son, is it?

Ihatemondaymorning · 05/12/2023 12:10

I don’t get why people assume that 400 must equal a big amount of presents….
i have spent 400 on a 4 year old this Xmas
he also had 400 for his birthday

birthday - he got brio train set with extension and some extra trains, books and stepping stones.

xmas -
iPad, bike and some number blocks figures / activity sets and a Spider-Man busy book.

not an over whelming amount.

JustMarriedBecca · 05/12/2023 12:19

I'd probably buy some pajamas on top, a new hat, a tube of sweets, something to read, a boardgame to play as a family. So he has something to open but also equally, not for the sake of it and stuff that will be used.
We always bought a fair few toys when ours were younger. Almost always with an educational bent. They sell on for a decent amount (not that am organised enough to do that).
Our kids are 7 and 9 now and aren't in to stuff at all. Last year my 7 year old wanted a personalised ruler (eBay £3) and my 9 year old wanted to learn a new craft. They get money into savings from grandparents (plus one new book). They never ask for toys anymore.
This year my 7 year old has new football boots, a computer game and a subscription to a magazine.
9 year old has theatre tickets, books, some fashionable boots she liked and a onesie.
We've really struggled for ideas.
If they needed new iPads / computers / bikes we'd get them but they don't.

ManateeFair · 05/12/2023 12:25

There's no right or wrong answer to this. People just have vastly different ideas about what's a reasonable amount of money to spend at Christmas, and often it doesn't even correlate that much with income. You'll have very well-off middle-class posters on here who'll insist that he should just get a book and a satsuma and you'll have people who put themselves in debt every year at Christmas telling you to spend £1,000 per child.

Then you'll get the people who bang on meaninglessly about the evils of 'screens', the people who think you must be terribly common if you stray beyond the 'want, need, wear, read' rule, the people who think they've failed if they don't purchase every single item on their child's 97-piece Christmas list and the people who think the very notion a toy that isn't made of wood is beyond the pale.

All I would say is that, at the age of four, most kids don't have the faintest idea how much things cost. Provided he gets things he likes and will play with, he's not going to be disappointed, whether they cost £5 or £50.

Skyblue92 · 05/12/2023 12:31

Honestly OP you’ll have people who will say spending any more than £50 will make your child a spoilt brat (not true). And others who say unless you spend thousands you’re tight. You spend whatever you can afford to and want to. I’ve spent more than £400 but we don’t buy constantly during the year; I’ve also brought clothes, shoes and toys and will probably pick a few more things up.

like PP said, £400 doesn’t necessarily mean 100s of presents it could simply be 10 presents at £40 each for example. Thats not necessarily a lot.

Not spending a lot doesn’t make anyone a better parent same as spending a lot, nor does it make them a crap parent.

I wish people would stop bragging about how little or much they spend and leave others alone, gloating works both ways

Fightarealfire · 05/12/2023 13:01

Daisies12 · 05/12/2023 11:56

Yes way too much. An iPad on its own is more than enough. Teach your kid to be grateful for what they have and make a £200 donation to a charity

I couldn’t disagree more.

GotMooMilk · 05/12/2023 13:47

Daisies12 · 05/12/2023 11:56

Yes way too much. An iPad on its own is more than enough. Teach your kid to be grateful for what they have and make a £200 donation to a charity

Really 🙄

The 4 year old has been given the iPad. So on Christmas morning you’d say ‘look you’ve got an iPad be grateful for that’ and give £200 to charity.

You’d actually do that?

DragonFly98 · 05/12/2023 13:56

Ragwort · 04/12/2023 21:13

What 'real world' do you live in where £400 is a 'perfectly ordinary amount' to spend? Hmm

If you genuinely have such a generous budget I would hope you are putting adequate savings aside for your DC?

It's a pretty average amount to spend per child. Mumsnet often had competitive under spending. That being said you spend what you can afford and if that's £50 that's fine too. But please stop with the faux surprise.