To think spending £400 on a 4 year old at Christmas is too much?

[user6776]

Not a bragging post before I begin and I appreciate we are lucky to have the money to spend.

We've already bought DS an iPad which cost £180. This was the "main" present and he will get his use out of it, as he's ASD and it helps to regulate him so I didn't mind forking out for that.

Anyway, I was thinking of then setting a remaining budget of £100 for some other bits that he can open - toys, clothes etc. DH was shocked and thought I was being "tight" and suggested we increase the budget to at least £200. He's of the opinion that whatever we see that we think DS might like, that we should buy it and not really have a budget. I told him that's ridiculous and there's no need to buy so much for such a small child!

AIBU to think this is too much?

A three year old doesn’t need that many toys in one go, it’s very overwhelming for them. The less toys they have the more play value they get out of them if they are chosen carefully.

Maybe pop a couple of those in the salvation army collection for kids with no toys.
and sorry IPads for that age group is just ridiculous and very harmful to developing brains.

I think it depends on what they're having rather than the cost. I wouldn't buy my daughter who's 4 loads and loads of presents. I think we have spent about £400 on her though and she probably has less than 20 presents and some of them are small things like playdoh, new felt-tips etc, it just all adds up.

Feels excessive but depends on the child I suppose. And when their birthday is/what you are planning to do on the day. The cost of the iPad skews things and I’d say that’s worth considering as it seems that it is a toy as much as a learning tool?

DS is 3 and has a birthday near Xmas. He is well loved (spoiled) by us and family alike. He is the ‘bonus baby’ that no one thought was coming 😂 It was a lot on his birthday so I kept things back and will us at Christmas or when he’s off nursery ill etc. I thinks it’s fine to do that to stop them getting overwhelmed-the Xmas holidays are long!! I also have asked specifically for things he needs and wants so he is getting lots but from different places / people etc but in a more controlled and planned way that also includes pyjamas and socks and pants alongside very specific toys and no tat. I hate the random extra bits that end up broken or in the bin so ask for what he actually wants and will play with-no extras so no extra expense. I’d rather the money was spent on 1 amazing toy that will last than many random daft things that break and can’t be passed on.

I may be in the minority but I do enjoy spoiling DS and also enjoy playing with him and his new toys. What I would say is that he genuinely plays with and cares for all his toys so perhaps what’s needed is more intentional choosing ? I have this conversation a lot with my mum friends who’s children always want to come over and never want to leave. They feel my DS lives in a toy palace and they couldn’t spoil their child like that. My response is that I have chosen and designed his room and playroom. He is never bored and looks after each and every toy. He loves playing at home! 💯 worth the money if they are used, liked and propagate fun and appropriate play. Don’t regret a single penny.

I suppose what I’m saying is, it’s fine to spoil them but there’s different ways to do it-check what he’s getting elsewhere first, spread out the toy giving, don’t buy ‘fillers’, focus on what he’ll love. I find this cheaper in the long run and the toys give me peace over the holidays.

I don’t think £400 is too much.
But the iPad wasn’t really for fun, he needed it and he’s already got it so won’t be opening it on Christmas, so really it’s £220 being spent on him not £400. Definitely not too much. I wouldn’t buy things just for the sake of it though.

Price wise it’s fine. For me it’s not the price but the amount.
So in your case the iPad is already given. That’s not a Xmas gift for a 4 year old if he’s already had it weeks beforehand

So £200 is actually budget. That could buy 200 £1 pieces or 1 item for £200. Something like a bike would use all budget up in one item.

We have bought similar age child tonie for Xmas. So tonie box, a few tonies, plus a Tonie shelf to store and charge easily in one place. And that’s basically €200 gone. Plus he will get a stocking with your regular stuff in

i think many people are out years by prices now new. Someone said a board game was £10 more standard board games would be £25-40+ now. £10 lego would be a mini stocking toy, it’s £50+ for most standard lego sets now if not on offer. My old Nokia basic phone as a teenager was £120! That was 20+ years ago.

Normally I’d agree with you. However, although your dd will get a lot of use out of the iPad, a hundred pounds isn’t a lot to get fun toys to open on Christmas Day,unless you spend carefully. I agree you don’t have to be reckless though, and keep within your means.

Personally I would not spend more than £100 pounds on a child under 10 at Xmas. I'd spend more as they got older. I can afford to spend more but would rather give a few toys at Easter and in the summer. I wouldn't be giving a tablet to a pre schooler especially if ASD as they become addicted easily.

You have answered your own question

Yes, but that was 20-30 years ago, I assume? That's prob £300-£400, in today's money, of course.

Yes it is too much. Little children often find too many toys overwhelming anyway and they have no concept of money so they certainly don't measure how loved they are or how magical Christmas was by the amount of money that's been spent on them or the size of the pile of presents on Christmas morning.

To be fair when mine were younger, we bought a lot second hand. You're right though if you're buying new you wouldn't get a lot for that.

@DoorPath Nope, I'm under 30 so wasn't that long ago

I'm with you though I also wouldn't buy an iPad either, 4 year olds with autism don't need them to regulate!!! My dd was diagnosed at 3 before they had been invented, she was screen obsessed, the last thing she needed was her own screen

The amount people seem to spend at Christmas on here is WILD!! Either I’ve stumbled upon a community of incredibly high earners or people need to address their consumerism. £150+ per child is madness when that’s more than a weekly food shop for family of 4!! How much are y’all earning or getting into debt!?

Sometimes you can’t help the overwhelm at Christmas no matter what you do.

My son is autistic with adhd, we have had Christmas Day where he cried because the wrapping paper was wrong and went back to bed, Christmas where he got up but refused to open presents or engage with Christmas morning at all, Christmas where he has been so manic he fell asleep under the dining room table during Christmas dinner…

He always has presents to open for days afterwards, and he opens family presents when we see them, be that a week before Christmas or a week afterwards.

We have found the best balance for him is to have a big stocking, then have the tree presents look like the end of home alone two- then to leave him to open them at his own pace, even if that’s one a day. That way he gets the ‘wow!’ Christmas morning moment (complete with traditional Christmas colours and all the presents in ribbon etc- he has this idea of what it ‘should’ look like from American Christmas movies) but doesn’t have any pressure to do anything.

Your autistic child is not every autistic child.

I think it depends entirely on what they want and need. I'd rather make a list and see what it comes to, rather than set a budget. A PP mentioned a budget of £50 - that could be blown on one gift easily! Or if they were interested in smaller things, there'd be a few..

I agree with @DoorPath, if your parents spent £200 on you 20 years ago (give or take), that would be more like £350 in today’s money due to inflation, which is closer to what your husband is suggesting. That’ll be why you remember feeling like it was plenty.

I think we’ve all agreed that every child/ family/ financial situation is different. OP, if I were you, if DS hasn’t asked for anything else then I would take your husband to Smyths and ask him what he thinks DS would like. If you can have a quick conversation about whether he will or not in Smyths then get what you both agree on and be done with it. The iPad by your own admission is something that helps him and if he ‘needed’ it in April would you wait til Christmas? I can’t remember whether you’ve said he gets overwhelmed but if so then just split them up over a few days, we’ve had to do that before, it’s fine! Rotate toys if you need to, have a declutter and sell if you want to recoup some money. Only you and your husband know what kind of Christmas DS would like.

Surely you should realise not every autistic child is the same. What works for one, doesn't work for another so please don't judge.

Has DS actually asked for anything else?

I’m with you- I put a lot of energy into choosing the right things- I never buy stuff just because it’s cheap or on offer.

At the moment my son is obsessed with rubix cubes- if he goes into hyper focus he can easily spend 4 hours doing nothing else (especially since he is home educated), so people might not think he needs the 10 different ones he has for Christmas, but they won’t be played with for 5 minutes and forgotten, he will play with them for hours, for days at a time. They will then go away and be revisited in a few weeks when his focus goes back to puzzles and logic games.

He has a lot of presents, but they are all chosen based on what is going to help his development as well as be fun. Pokemon cards for example (outrageously expensive) but he will a) be overjoyed and b) use them to actually socialise with other children at Pokemon club.

I often think budgets are impossible to compare. Some families big ticket items like consoles will be the only gift. Some it will be split between two or more children. Some big ticket items are birthday gifts rather than Christmas. I've even come across Grandparents doing the big ticket stuff and parents doing smaller things.

Some families include clothes and sports lessons as Christmas gifts to others they are monthly spends.

People have different income levels, family sizes and budget sizes.
But budgets are impossible to compare.

I’d have thought that even half that would be plenty. And if you’ve got the other £200 to spare, put it in a savings a/c for him, or a junior S&S ISA.

At that age they can often be just as pleased with something that cost a fiver, as with ditto for £50.

I'm surprised at how little some people spend.

When children are little is is easier to spend less but as they grow up the things they want become more and more expensive so it is hard to stick to a lower amount.

For example DS is 13 and has asked for anew golf bag - £170, a new golf club £60 and some other golf thing which is £70. So that's £300 on just 3 presents.

Then he needs stocking presents and other bits.

I reckon it will be £450.

With inflation the cost of presents has massively gone up. If you spend £150 what can you actually buy them?