Pregnant with a boy and upset

[Globenew]

I know IABU but I just don’t know how to stop feeling this way! I need some home truths and some advice if anyone else has felt this way.

I have a daughter already and have recently found out that pregnant with a baby boy. I feel awful about feeling this way but I am really upset. I have only ever wanted girls and so decided to stop at 1 when I got pregnant with a girl frost time.

This pregnancy caught us by surprise. I know that logically I am very lucky. But I don’t feel this way. My sister in law (we are married to brothers) has 2 daughters and we saw them at in laws on Saturday and it brought all the feelings back up again. (I have been trying to think positively and get over myself but now can’t stop thinking about it again)

I feel short changed. And like she has had it fall perfectly for her. My nieces were talking about how they’re Elsa and Anna and I felt so jealous for my DD. I also feel embarrassed because I made no secret of how happy I was to have a girl and that I didn’t want boys. So now I look a fool.

No one seems as excited about my pregnancy and I feel like if it was a girl they would be.

I am not sure if I’m making much sense but it has helped to write it out.

How can I stop feeling this way.

Seriously?

Henry the eighth?

All babies are fabulous and there is nothing absolutely nothing between boys and girls for their utter wonderous joy. Little boys are fantastic. Enjoy your baby when he arrives. He’ll be a gift.

These threads always make me so sad. I would hate for anyone to think my son was some sort of second best. He's amazing, just like my daughter is. They both delight and infuriate me in equal and yet very different ways. I couldn't imagine feeling disappointment when I found out the sex of either of them.

Sorry, I know you mean well but the comment above is ridiculous:

Children don't only bond well with parents of the same sex/gender/whatever!

Boys aren't any more likely to be 'sporty' than girls. They might well be arty, musical, into cooking, gardening, computing or fashion. Any of a zillion categies we needlessly put each other and our children into.

I have both boys and girls and none of them have conformed neatly to stereotypes. That's because the stereotypes are just that and all children are individuals.

If that is really how you feel, why are you going ahead?

Seriously, this thread is in such poor taste. You should be ashamed of yourself. 😡

I found this post so sad to read, for two reasons. The first is that one of my close friends is trying to conceive and struggling and would give almost anything to have a healthy pregnancy. Secondly I have one of each and my DS is just amazing and it's sad that people genuinely would be upset to be having a boy when I think he's just wonderful.

But you knew the chance of a boy was 50/50. Many people don't get the sex they want. You just have to get over this disappointment. And count your blessings.

My first DC was a girl and I didn't realize how much I wanted another until I gave birth to ds. DS wasn't an easy baby and those first few weeks were very difficult as between my disappointment, his crying and a touch of baby blues. However, very quickly I absolutely adored him to the point that by his 1st birthday I was suggesting to do that we have another child even though ds was supposed to be our last. We did have a 3rd DC. I can 100% say that I didn't care whether we had a boy or a girl that time. So, yes, be a bit sad but know that you won't feel this way forever

There are many positives and it’s actually good to have one of each.

Men are viewed so negatively it doesn’t surprise me that women are reluctant to raise boys. There’s a thread going at the moment called ‘I find men so disgusting’ or similar. You can’t hold such views then be faux surprised that women prefer to have baby girls.

I was disappointed when I learned I was having a second boy. I knew it was probably my last pregnancy so was sad about the daughter I’d always imagined having but knew I’d never meet. That feeling lasted around a week, but after that initial feeling of loss, I adjusted and as the cliche goes I couldn’t now imagine my family any other way. He’s brilliant (most of the time!).

I’m sure this feeling will pass and the excitement will come.

What's wrong with a boy? In my family boy's were preferred as a girl I felt a bit unwanted. Just enjoy what you have and be grateful he is healthy.

I was an only child and was desperate to have a sibling. Now in my 60s and childless.

I'll be honest - I dreamt of having a girl, but a wee boy would have been a blessing.

He might decide he's a girl in a few years time

I am so very sorry.

You need to step back from what you thought having 2 daughters would be like. A girl does not guarantee a love of Anna and Elsa anymore than a boy guarantees a love of football. My middle son doesn't like football, favourite colour is pink, loves Disney and used to get genuinely upset when his granny kept buying him dinasours and what she thought he liked as they were "boy toys". My 2 friends dd who are the same age love football, blue, dinasours, Spiderman etc. Me and a constant fought as we had nothing in common.

You will absolutely love your son. Imagine a newborn baby, holding him, cuddling him, dressing him and watching him grow. I have 3 sons and it doesn't bother me I don't have a DD because my boys are little humans with there own thoughts, feelings and interests and I have never and will never pigeon hole them into a category because of there sex.

I started reading some of the comments and they made me very sad. I think you’re being given a very hard time. Yes, some people have had awful, terrible things happen to them and their babies but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have feelings about your situation. I think the fact that these feelings aren’t sitting well with you could be a sign something else is amiss. Please speak to your midwife as these sorts of thoughts and feelings could indicate antenatal depression.

Also, to put your mind at ease, boys totally rock. I’m my little boy’s favourite person and he’s an absolute diamond.

I was told at an NHS pregnancy scan that this is the reason why they don't tell you the gender until 5 months.

Or maybe OP’s dd will decide she’s a boy. ;)

Unbelievable. I can’t believe you’ve come on here to admit that. You should be ashamed.

Do you come from a female dominated family? Do you know what it is that makes you want a girl over a boy? Can you relate to girls more for example?

Many people feel this way in pregnancy but it's taboo to talk about it. It might be worth speaking to your midwife just to see if it's something that often goes once baby is born or if its a potential sign for anxiety or anything.

When I fell pregnant I really wanted a boy. The reason being I struggled to be friends with or stay friends with girls but always got on well with boys. The kids I had most fun with were boys. I don't fully know why but it carried through to pregnancy

oh that is so sad 😞

I am going to say something that I said to someone else on here under a different name.

Do a thought experiment.

Imagine that when you go to hospital to have DS, the woman in the next bed is having a girl. She desperately wants a boy. You are similar ethnicity and colouring. She suggests that as soon as the babies are born, you swap. She gets your boy, and you get her girl. You each lie to your partners and the world that the scans were wrong, these things happen. (I know it wouldn't really work irl, but we are just imagining).

Would you do it? Would you even seriously considering swapping YOUR boy for HER girl?

How about if you were offered to terminate this child, and have a baby girl embryo implanted instead. Would you say yes?

If you can't say an unequivocal yes to both of these theoretical scenarios -

Then the truth is, you don't want "a girl" more than you want this baby.

I have a 14 month old little boy. He is perfect. He is giggly, sweet, affectionate, kind, beautiful and an all round absolute wonderkins. Your little boy will be too, and when he's here you'll look back at this thread and wonder how you could ever think such things about your beautiful boy.