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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnant with a boy and upset

524 replies

Globenew · 04/12/2023 19:25

I know IABU but I just don’t know how to stop feeling this way! I need some home truths and some advice if anyone else has felt this way.

I have a daughter already and have recently found out that pregnant with a baby boy. I feel awful about feeling this way but I am really upset. I have only ever wanted girls and so decided to stop at 1 when I got pregnant with a girl frost time.

This pregnancy caught us by surprise. I know that logically I am very lucky. But I don’t feel this way. My sister in law (we are married to brothers) has 2 daughters and we saw them at in laws on Saturday and it brought all the feelings back up again. (I have been trying to think positively and get over myself but now can’t stop thinking about it again)

I feel short changed. And like she has had it fall perfectly for her. My nieces were talking about how they’re Elsa and Anna and I felt so jealous for my DD. I also feel embarrassed because I made no secret of how happy I was to have a girl and that I didn’t want boys. So now I look a fool.

No one seems as excited about my pregnancy and I feel like if it was a girl they would be.

I am not sure if I’m making much sense but it has helped to write it out.

How can I stop feeling this way.

OP posts:
Letsgotitans · 04/12/2023 22:00

And if she was complaining once the baby was here about, say, the colour of his hair or colour of his eyes because they weren't what she wanted, would you also be saying well she can feel how wants to feel?

Ploctopus · 04/12/2023 22:01

It’s always boys that aren’t wanted 😢

uncomfortablydumb53 · 04/12/2023 22:01

Wow
I have 3 sons... They are more than what's between their legs!

TickyBooo · 04/12/2023 22:01

I have a boy, and it's honestly great.

PinkyFlamingo · 04/12/2023 22:01

bakewellbride · 04/12/2023 19:32

One of each is the best.

Is it? Says who?

JANEY205 · 04/12/2023 22:01

Tiredalwaystired · 04/12/2023 21:48

Not sure if anyone has said this already but no one is EVER as excited about the second baby - whatever the sex is.

Don’t let that play any part in your feelings. Once that baby is in your arms I’m almost certain these feelings will melt away.

PS Boys can like Frozen and girls can like Marvel.

I’m pregnant with my second now (second boy) and VERY excited actually!! I wouldn’t have had another otherwise as I hate pregnancy and childbirth 😂

Tinkerbyebye · 04/12/2023 22:03

You just need to grow up and be grateful you have two healthy children

Wetblanket78 · 04/12/2023 22:03

Me and older sister can't stand the sight of each other. I get on ok with my younger sister and brother though. I have a son and daughter my daughter adores her younger brother since the moment she seen him and he does her. I dread to think of what having two hormonal girls with autism at their time of the month would be like.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 04/12/2023 22:03

JANEY205 · 04/12/2023 22:01

I’m pregnant with my second now (second boy) and VERY excited actually!! I wouldn’t have had another otherwise as I hate pregnancy and childbirth 😂

Show quote history

I think the PP means no one else. Of course YOU are excited!!

Cappuccino17 · 04/12/2023 22:04

Isn't having one of each counted as lucky? You get to experience 2 genders and it has it's perks.
I know gender disappointment is a real thing though. My aunty had it and when she birthed her 5th girl ( she wanted a boy) she bawled her eyes out. I don't know if it is hormonal because most people are really happy with what they have after the hormones all settle.

olivialennox · 04/12/2023 22:04

It’s interesting reading different experiences of sister relationships

I do know a few sisters with a very close bond who are pretty much like close friends rather than sisters. I also know of an equal amount who have really difficult and strained relationships or who haven’t spoken in years and barely see each other or who constantly fight. I’d say most are somewhere in the middle.

Guesswho88 · 04/12/2023 22:05

Honestly? By growing up.

Wetblanket78 · 04/12/2023 22:05

Exactly my son is more into Disney than my daughter. Don't dare buy my daughter something pink without getting one for my son. 🤣🤣🤣 It's his favourite colour.

PieAndLattes · 04/12/2023 22:05

I have a girl and then a boy and they’re great friends, love each other, and have always played well together. You may not have Elsa and Anna but you might have Elsa and Batman, or Anna and Lionel Messi, or Dorothy and Todo, and that, arguably, is even better fun.

LongLostTeacher · 04/12/2023 22:06

I completely resonate with your “gang” idea, that’s what I thought of when I was pregnant with my second. My DH is one of three boys and I am one of three girls. I thought whatever the sex of my first, I’d just keep having that and they’d all be close. Fast forward a few years and I had to encourage DS and DD to remember to play with others people at the playground.

Elfontheshmelf · 04/12/2023 22:07

Go shopping for baby boy clothes
Look through a baby name book
Talk to your daughter about her little brother, all these little things will help you bond.
I have a boy and if I got pregnant again, I'd honestly want another one!

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 04/12/2023 22:08

Feeling upset is common. Sometimes you have a vision of how your life will be and it can be hard to realise that it might not go that way.

But your are not just having a boy, you are having a whole human. His own identity, likes dislikes, personality and so on.

He may be close with his sister or he may not. Just as any girl you might have had could have been close or not.

Heck my sister and I pretty much hated each other growing up and don't really talk as adults. My dc are not adults yet but my youngest boy would dress up in his sister's dresses to be a princess while she kicked any dolls out of the doll house to replace them with dinosaurs. These days they geek out to star wars and Dr Who together and are completely on the same wavelength.

astarsheis · 04/12/2023 22:08

My daughter and my son love each other to bits. They have lots of common interests. Tomorrow I'm having a long Christmas shopping and dinner date with my boy. He's a lovely and interesting young man. He wasn't planned either but we are so happy that we had him.
Your reaction to the "Anna & Elsa" is immature. You are very unreasonable and need to wise up. This is a little human being you're talking about.

ZoeCM · 04/12/2023 22:08

Ploctopus · 04/12/2023 22:01

It’s always boys that aren’t wanted 😢

Not always. I'm sure plenty of fathers are horribly disappointed with their daughters.

God help the OP's son. Poor little boy.

CheshireCat1 · 04/12/2023 22:09

Hopefully you’re feelings will change towards your baby, I do hope that you’ll be overjoyed once you’ve got your beautiful baby son in your arms. Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy.

WomensRightsRenegade · 04/12/2023 22:09

Boys are lovely. But no more or less so than girls. And this sexist trope re boys ‘loving their mums more than girls/ being more cuddly’ is bullshit. It’s not true in any of the families I know. My own DD was waaay more loving and affectionate when she was small. Actually still is!

Weddingblues23 · 04/12/2023 22:10

I don't know if this helps, because I have two girls, but I wasn't excited about my second at all, mainly because I'd had a terrible first birth, but also because i couldnt imagine loving anything as much as my first and was sad that our relationship would have to change when the baby arrived. I looked down at my second when she was born and thought hmm... you look like a boxer 😁. But I soon fell in love with her and she's the most adorable little thing and totally different to her sister - by which I mean, it's hard to imagine how you will love anything as much as your first, but then they come, and you do, even though they are a completely different little creature - and I'm pretty sure that extends to havubg a baby of the opposite sex too. I'm sure it will be the same for you and your little boy.

MargotBamborough · 04/12/2023 22:11

The reason people aren't as excited about your pregnancy is because it's your second child, not because you're having a boy.

YABVU. Most people would love to have one of each.

Little boys are wonderful.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 04/12/2023 22:11

My lovely little boy is aged 5 and a half, and a wonderful, very sweet child. Yes, he will talk about bums, wee and willies all day if he could, but he is so affectionate, always there for a hug, and a real softie.

I worried about having a boy after I'd already had a daughter, but he's really lovely and I wouldn't change or trade him for anything.

Boys are as good and equal to girls, and you are extremely fortunate to have a healthy baby, when many can't. ❤️

Youdirtysonofagun · 04/12/2023 22:12

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