Pregnant with a boy and upset

[Globenew]

I know IABU but I just don’t know how to stop feeling this way! I need some home truths and some advice if anyone else has felt this way.

I have a daughter already and have recently found out that pregnant with a baby boy. I feel awful about feeling this way but I am really upset. I have only ever wanted girls and so decided to stop at 1 when I got pregnant with a girl frost time.

This pregnancy caught us by surprise. I know that logically I am very lucky. But I don’t feel this way. My sister in law (we are married to brothers) has 2 daughters and we saw them at in laws on Saturday and it brought all the feelings back up again. (I have been trying to think positively and get over myself but now can’t stop thinking about it again)

I feel short changed. And like she has had it fall perfectly for her. My nieces were talking about how they’re Elsa and Anna and I felt so jealous for my DD. I also feel embarrassed because I made no secret of how happy I was to have a girl and that I didn’t want boys. So now I look a fool.

No one seems as excited about my pregnancy and I feel like if it was a girl they would be.

I am not sure if I’m making much sense but it has helped to write it out.

How can I stop feeling this way.

You're being ridiculous

I have a son, and he’s an absolute dream.
Given a choice I could never imagine choosing a girl, and I would be much happier having another boy if I ever had a second baby, so I sort of understand how you feel.

However, any child is a gift.
You ought to try and reframe your thoughts and focus on gratitude for what you have, rather than worrying about how ‘foolish’ you look.

The ‘Anna and Elsa’ thing is kind of immature, and it comes across as though you’re being quite selfish making this all about you and how you appear, where you should be focusing your energy on baby and his arrival.

My little boy is the light of my life, I love the bones of him. And I know I would feel the same about any future children we have. Every baby is a blessing, a healthy baby even more so.

Whats bad about having a boy? Is there something going on that you only wanted girls? I had two boys when initially wanting a boy and girl but actually I love my two kids to death (obviously) I wouldn't change it for the world. You've got a healthy baby to endure and you'll appreciate the unique differences between both your children. It'll settle, just got to shake the mindset

SoupDragon absolutely I've never seen any posts saying that about their sons or brothers. Please send a link.

But why did you only want girls? Maybe you should start by asking yourself that.

Not sure if anyone has said this already but no one is EVER as excited about the second baby - whatever the sex is.

Don’t let that play any part in your feelings. Once that baby is in your arms I’m almost certain these feelings will melt away.

PS Boys can like Frozen and girls can like Marvel.

I'm the youngest with two older brothers. I'm clearly the girl my mum finally got.

I have one DD and I never had any urge for her to be a girl. It was a complete surprise when I found out.
She just happens to be the girliest girl going at 4 and I do enjoy buying pretty dresses and doing her nails.

I do sort of get why women want girls not boys. I grew up with a house full of boys watching wrestling and going to football. My mum was glad of my company as she hated all that.

I know it's typical gender stereotypes but it's understandable I think.

Does it make it right? No. Especially on a forum with many people who can't have children at all, or would be happy with one healthy child, whatever the gender.

Genuinely curious why the prevailing view on this website is that not wanting a baby boy is awful and incomprehensible, but also that men are as a group horrible misogynists who are best avoided? Can anyone square that for me?

It sounds like you're falling into gender stereotype territory.

Your children are your children. They will be individual people. Not all boys or girls are the same, not all girls want to be Anna and Elsa.

Also come on, you even have a daughter already. You are being a bit silly, I mean that kindly.

I have one boy and two girls plus a bonus girl (DSD). They're all great in their own ways.

Boys are brilliant. I’m blessed with 2 and have just had a girl. There’s no difference between a boy and girl. You will love him all the same and when he’s here it won’t make any difference to you whatever the sex.

Enjoy the dinosaurs, oh how I miss them times🦖🦕

I would also say, that when I was pregnant with DD who was my first child, I didn’t find out the sex either and I wouldn't have minded if it was a boy or girl. My feelings about my second being a girl were connected to my feelings for DD and wanting her to have that sister experience. I realise now how silly that was.

Regarding telling people you wanted only girls, we had friends who were very vocal about wanting a girl while they were expecting. They had a DS and just never mentioned it again and of course, nor did we. I assume they had a similar experience to me and fell in love at first sight.

Maybe get some counselling to help you work through things as there are lots of things you sound like you need to work through.

It’s always boys 🙄

Look, he’ll be the only grandson by the sounds of it. How special. 2 of the same is so boring. I have a sister and we’re not close. I have 2 boys and they are soooooo much cuddlier than their sister. There is literally nothing to dislike about them. You can raise an amazing man. You can!

I think a lot of the replies you have had are awful, but mainly from people who clearly haven’t experienced what you are feeling. Your feelings are valid and you are more than entitled to them !

I felt the exact same as you but opposite way around, I have 4 miscarriages struggled for years to conceive, now currently a few days overdue with my little baby girl. Initially when I found out she was a girl I cried, it took me a while to come to terms, I never imagine having a little girl. Every scan I went to, every little picture of her face, those little kicks, hearing her heartbeat I forgot all about what I “ wanted “ and became so so grateful for what I have. Now I am stocked up with pink dresses, and picturing all the things I will do with my little bestfriend when she arrives.

I was brought up with brothers one a lot younger, who could have been my own child. Honestly he is the most loving, caring, funny little guy ( I think I just wanted a mini him ). Boys are honestly great ! Feel your feelings, but I promise they will pass. You will one day be so grateful for a little boy and all the love he will bring to your family. Good luck with your pregnancy. Please take no notice of some of the vile remarks ! Some people are just so ignorant to others feelings/reason or thought processes and think theirs are the only ones that should be held in the world. All the best x

You are not awful. Feelings are just that. You have insight and you don’t want to feel like this. It’s just a bit of a shock and you’ll come round to it. Your little boy will love you so much, honestly, you won’t care one bit. You’ll think he’s perfect.

OP, I think some people are being harsh- I do think you should speak to your midwife about your feelings. Disappointment is quite a normal feeling but it shouldn’t be impacting your pregnancy or making you feel low. There could be some pre natal anxiety going on. Worth having the conversation.

Please be reassured that boys are amazing. My DS is just the best, most loving little thing. All my friends with both boys and girls comment on how independent their girls are compared to their cuddly boys. I think boys need mumming a lot more and you will have an equally unique, special bond with your son as you do with your daughter. It’s not worse, it’s just different but it is so rewarding. You did sound like a dick saying you only ever wanted girls though! You will realise how blessed you are when you have one of each and you see that little boy’s personality growing.

Also, for what it’s worth, I used to dress my younger brother in all of the princess dresses and he never complained 😂 I also never felt that I missed out on not having a sister. My mum, on the other hand, has 2 sisters and a brother. She is much much closer to her brother and her sisters don’t speak to each other.

I really really wish mumsnet would consider limiting these posts. They are ALWAYS about boys and the disappointment of them. I’m pregnant with my second boy now and just hoping for a healthy birth outcome (my first was not born healthy and my perspective has of course shifted but I can’t imagine just not being grateful for the child being ok). It’s even worse that OP actually has a girl and so will have one of each and so I really don’t understand the feelings of disappointment?!

OP why oh why did you have another child if you didn’t want a boy?!

For people pulling me up on the Elsa and Anna thing.

It’s not that I believed the relationship between 2 girls would be like that. But that seeing my nieces talk about how they are Sisters like them etc made me feel even more upset. I already was upset about having a boy but now seem to notice people with only girls etc more and feel e jealous. I am envious of my SIL having 2 girls. They seem to enjoy spending time with my DD but it’s not the same. They naturally side with each other, want to sit next to each other etc. so I feel like my DD will be like the spare one and odd one out. They’re a gang and I wanted that.

@PerspiringElizabeth I thought this too. But when I mentioned it to MIL she just said “oh, they’re all just as special”. They all call my nieces “the girls”.

Light hearted but don’t forget that Anna and Elsa don’t speak to each other for half of 1 film and then Elsa spends the rest of the other film trying to get away from Anna to live somewhere else. Not the most idealistic sisterly relationship!

Why exactly can’t you have that gang with your daughter and son?! My husband is closest to his older sister (she is closest to him too and not their younger sister). Most families I know the brothers and sisters are VERY close. I fought non stop with my sister. You have a very Disney view of sibling sisters I think and I urge you to seek out other examples. My niece and nephew are extremely close!

I’m. Shook 😱

Please seek help this is beyond ‘gender disappointment’.

A baby is a baby, gender really doesn’t make any difference at all, I have one of each, love them equally. I really hope you will feel the same once the baby is here… if not that’s completely devastating.

Thats sweet I do all my theatre trips with DS because he shares my love of musicals so we have a lovely day trips together. DD is like DH and cannot stand them.

Wishing you all the luck in the world- it took me nearly 6 years, multiple ivf cycles and tens of £1000’s, but I’m now 16wks pregnant. Ignore twats like OP, some of us would be truly grateful for one healthy child and never take them for granted. I hope you get your miracle soon xx