DH struggles with my lack of affection especially towards children but it's just who I am?

[bigappler]

As the title says this has always been a niggle for DH but I think he's unfair.

I am not a hugely affectionate person, except with my children. Anyone else and I don't really do lots of cuddling or expressions of love. It's just not me and never has been. DH could cuddle to sleep, I can't stand it and have to sleep not touching at all. He likes to say lots of lovey things and I just find that a bit awkward. I will say small things and make little gestures but I'm just not a hugely affectionate person.

He struggles with this mostly when it comes to his children. We've been together now 7 years and he doesn't like that in his eyes I'm "cool" with them. I've never hugged them or told them I love them, it has never felt appropriate in my mind and I don't think it makes me cold, its just not who I am. We get on really well and have a good time together but no I don't cuddle them or anything. It would feel weird to me.

Am I really the odd one or does anyone else just not really do displays of affection much?

I cuddle and kiss my own DC a lot and am affectionate with them in a way it just feels weird to be with other people.

I think he is unreasonable because he knew this was how I am. Trying to force me to be more how he wants won't make me a different person.

I'm exactly the same, wasn't that keen on being hugged even as a child, and I get irritated by the assumption that children are at risk of growing up emotionally stunted if they're not being smothered in huggly wuggles every single day. Some kids genuinely aren't that keen on hugs and there's a ton of other ways to show affection and love. Hugging really isn't the only way.

As has already been pointed out, surely kids this age aren't really going to want to be hugged by an adult who's unrelated to them anyway (or any adult at all, where a lot of teens are concerned 😄). And even for a younger kid, provided they are treated with genuine affection and interest, I don't think it does any harm for them to be given an understanding that some people are less tactile and 'huggy' than others.

This probably marks me out as cold and unnatural for many MNers but I do think the blanket assumption that all kids need a ton of hugs is inaccurate.

I've got 3 children between 13 and 29. It's rare I hug any of them. When they were young I used to all the time, as they get older it feels less right. However, if I had grandchildren I'm sure I'll be much more tactile with them. I do however say "love you" all the time at the same time as saying goodbye. I think you could do that. My dad started saying it to me and it felt awkward to start with but now i say it all the time. My mum was very loving (she always said actions speak louder than words) but completely not tactile and when she died I realised that my dad was much more tactile and expressed feelings quite readily but when growing up he was often at work and our mum was our main person.