Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or are most men just disgusting?

222 replies

Falalalalaa · 02/12/2023 09:59

Works Christmas party last night. Around 20 of us, pretty equal mix of men and women.

The men are field based so live all over the country, we only really see them at events like this. At least half of them, all married or with long term partners or children, were trying it on with a couple of the single girls from the office. They all had hotel rooms and we’re inviting them back, hands everywhere, making disgusting comments, it was just so seedy and sadly predictable.

I know it’s not all men, but still, it’s really fucking depressing. Is it the same at all Christmas parties or do I just work with scumbags?

OP posts:
Changingplace · 02/12/2023 10:01

I would be making a formal complaint about that kind of sleazy behaviour at a work event where I assume your company has paid for accommodation/drinks etc, it’s unacceptable these days for men to behave like that and for women to think they have to put up with it.

DonnaBanana · 02/12/2023 10:03

Back in the 90s and earlier it was pretty much expected along with sitting on the photocopier and copying your genitals and getting drunk and having weird flings no one would talk about ever again but we live in more enlightened times although more boring too

JaxiiTaxii · 02/12/2023 10:04

I think it's dependent on the workplace culture & unfortunate mix of characters.

One place I worked was comparable to your example (also 20 years ago).

Subsequent workplaces, not so much.

Original poster
Falalalalaa · 02/12/2023 10:05

Changingplace · 02/12/2023 10:01

I would be making a formal complaint about that kind of sleazy behaviour at a work event where I assume your company has paid for accommodation/drinks etc, it’s unacceptable these days for men to behave like that and for women to think they have to put up with it.

To be fair, the big bosses were there and from what I’ve heard this morning weren’t impressed and are going to discuss on Monday.

OP posts:
ALightOverThere · 02/12/2023 10:07

That’s gross. Not typical in my experience.

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/12/2023 10:11

I think sadly a lot of men have the capacity to behave like this. Whether they actually act on it depends partly on their own code of behaviour and also the workplace culture.

Until fairly recently this sort of thing was tolerated, more or less, in a lot of work environments. Probably because until recently many workplaces were dominated by men (many still are).

One of the very many reasons to be happy about the fact that there are more women working these days than in the past is that this sort of thing is increasingly frowned upon because working women are more senior, have more power at work and increasingly don't have to put up with this shit.

Another reason why I find it exceptionally irritating when people bang on on here about how awful it is that women are forced to work instead of being at home raising their kids. Having more women in the workforce is a massive positive for those of us who are forced to work. I wouldn't want to wind the
clock back to a time when low level sexual harassment was de rigeur thanks very much.

Quickredfox · 02/12/2023 10:14

Perhaps a particular type of person is drawn to a job based in the field?

DatingDinosaur · 02/12/2023 10:16

Ahh yes. The office Xmas party. The place where people show their true colours after a few drinks.

bombastix · 02/12/2023 10:16

Well, I am not surprised by it if that's what you mean. Not all workplaces are like this but oddly the ones that are have a collection of sleaze bags.

Not normally a great place to work either so have you considered a move in the new year?

JaneyGee · 02/12/2023 10:18

Pretty much all of my married friends seem unhappy. The happiest women I know are single or divorced (or gay). Didn't Paul Dolan (the professor who wrote a book on happiness) say that, statistically, childless, unmarried women are the happiest group in society?

ManAboutTown · 02/12/2023 10:20

Workplace culture I would suggest rather than all men

How would feel if I described all women as shallow self centred types who are obsessed by TOWIE and I'm a Celebrity

Original poster
Falalalalaa · 02/12/2023 10:22

bombastix · 02/12/2023 10:16

Well, I am not surprised by it if that's what you mean. Not all workplaces are like this but oddly the ones that are have a collection of sleaze bags.

Not normally a great place to work either so have you considered a move in the new year?

Thankfully, I am actually leaving!

OP posts:
IveOnlyEverHeardOutwithONHere · 02/12/2023 10:22

I don’t know what proportion, but certainly a lot are.

bombastix · 02/12/2023 10:23

JaneyGee · 02/12/2023 10:18

Pretty much all of my married friends seem unhappy. The happiest women I know are single or divorced (or gay). Didn't Paul Dolan (the professor who wrote a book on happiness) say that, statistically, childless, unmarried women are the happiest group in society?

You say this and people explode. Personally I believe it

WeightWhat · 02/12/2023 10:23

Those men’s wives will be on here saying ‘Not all men’. But yeah, it’s a lot of them.

Tbf, I work in a big corporate with a big HR and lots of regulation about behaviour and what you describe would never, ever happen at a Christmas party. It would be considered so naff for any of the men to behave like that. Senior male staff would be really snooty about it.

Original poster
Falalalalaa · 02/12/2023 10:24

@ManAboutTown I did say most men in my title and “not all men” in my post.

One man actually called out the behaviour and the disrespect being shown towards women so I acknowledge that there are some very decent men in my workplace too.

OP posts:
CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 02/12/2023 10:25

I was assaulted at a Christmas party. Massive lightweight here and in and out of blackout all night. One man took me to a more secluded location and made out with me quite aggressively. I had bruises on my breasts when I woke up, and when I say secluded it was just outside in an alcove on a public street. Another colleague scooped me up - also a man - and took me to a female colleague’s house when I eventually stumbled back in. He immediately forgave my ridiculous drunken behaviour the next day and continued to be very decent. As is frequently said, not all men. But most of them. I’ve even had a job somewhere where the first-day induction included someone pointing at some glass stairs and saying “don’t walk up those if you’re wearing a skirt”.

Original poster
Falalalalaa · 02/12/2023 10:26

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau I am so sorry that happened to you, I don’t really have any words but I hope you’re ok.

OP posts:
LePanthere · 02/12/2023 10:27

V

MsRosley · 02/12/2023 10:38

This is a company culture problem, and entirely down to management to sort out.

Startingagainandagain · 02/12/2023 10:38

I truly hope the women who were targeted by these sleazy men complain to HR on Monday and that these men get the sack.

I think the only way things change (or at least behave better) is when people see there are consequences to their actions...

Also how stupid can these men be to do this in full view of everyone including their bosses....

Draoicht · 02/12/2023 10:44

Not in any workplace I’ve ever had (academia).

Having said that, several of my senior male colleagues (I work at an institution where I was an undergraduate in the 1990s) who were married to women of their own age when I was a student, are now married to former postgraduate students of theirs who are a generation younger.

Yousay55 · 02/12/2023 10:45

I sadly think that a lot of men behave like this, especially if they think they can get away with it.

ConspiracyFeary · 02/12/2023 10:45

Everywhere I've worked has taken a very dim view of this sort of behaviour. One place a very senior man got fired as a result of it, do complain.

Toomuchcawfee · 02/12/2023 10:50

Nowhere I’ve worked has this been normal at a work party. People would get dragged over the HR coals if they did this. People need to complain if they want it to change.