Or are most men just disgusting?

[Falalalalaa]

Works Christmas party last night. Around 20 of us, pretty equal mix of men and women.

The men are field based so live all over the country, we only really see them at events like this. At least half of them, all married or with long term partners or children, were trying it on with a couple of the single girls from the office. They all had hotel rooms and we’re inviting them back, hands everywhere, making disgusting comments, it was just so seedy and sadly predictable.

I know it’s not all men, but still, it’s really fucking depressing. Is it the same at all Christmas parties or do I just work with scumbags?

Probably the most useless comment I’ve ever seen on MN.
A lot? 12? 28,000? 630 million?

Not where I work this definitely would not happen.

My dad though witnessed some of his partners being like this to female employees at his Christmas party and it was shocking. Apparently one of them said he’d buy one girl a drink only if he could have a peck on the lips! He’s a married man with kids!

Fortunately it was only 2/8 partners who were being like this so it was raised at a partner’s meeting and they looked very sheepish and have since managed to reign in their behaviour!

I agree. It absolutely would not be tolerated anywhere that I've worked.

I've never experienced this and I've been in construction for over 20 years.

The blokes at the site Christmas parties, so operatives/trades rather than corporate - who I imagine a lot of MN would look down their noses at and expect this behaviour from, would be appalled. And I was going to those at the end of the 90s/early 2000s. Never experienced any sexism or harrassment at all.

So it must the culture where you work/your industry, op.

Mine aren’t: they’d go home. You work with a very dodgy bunch.

I was at a mixed workplace party last night (companies book tables) so there were 12 of us (all female and one man) but on the dance floor there were a number of older men all over very young ladies and awkward drunken snogging between couples who didn’t look like couples (iyswim). My work place isn’t like that so it was a new experience. And gross.

We had our Christmas Do last night, same mix of men and woman and I didn't see any of this behaviour. . Sounds like it's a good job you're leaving. I sounds like a shitty work culture

It was my works Christmas party last night too & I considered writing a thread about one of the men. I see him in the office but haven’t really spoken to him much & I noticed a wedding band so I was making conversation and asked how long he’s been married, if he had children etc.

We had a lovely conversation where he told me about his wife & son, about his wife’s previous miscarriage & how they’ve another on the way. He was showing me pics of his recent holiday to Crete & he seemed lovely.

About 10 minutes later I saw him chatting up one of the new women in the office at the bar & his wedding ring was off!! I went over and asked where his ring was & he denied ever having a ring on. Honestly I felt enraged! I told the woman & she was livid too!

He was also staying in a hotel last night so I’d put money on him taking anyone back to his room. Ugh 😩

@Startingagainandagain you’d be surprised. One prospective partner just starting a probationary period was hired in the full knowledge that he was a sex pest at his old firm, proceeded to publicly assault a female partner in front of clients (that’s partner in a firm, not his DP) and the firm’s response was to email around saying “if you’re asked by the press about this, say no comment”. He was hired as a full partner a few weeks later. It is a company culture issue but men run these companies and firms for the most part.

Thanks @Falalalalaa btw.

You work with scumbags but it's not like that everywhere

Well I am mid 40s and have worked all my adult life and have never seen anything like you describe.

Urgh. Makes me glad to work in a female dominated profession. These men need hauling before HR and management.

It's just your environment. None of the men I know are this type and they would call this harassment out. However some men are obviously predators and perhaps some environments attract the fuckers for that reason. They knew they'd be away from home and alcohol would flow. Gross.

I was also at my work Christmas party last night. I don't like work socials so left fairly early at about 9pm. One of the colleagues who is almost completely remote was suggestive with me saying I was welcome in his hotel room if I was uncomfortable going home alone in the dark. He's married with a little kid.
When I was actually going home, there seemed to be quite a few work parties going on around town. The amount of lechery and street harassment directed at me and I presume other random women too was unbelievable. Hazard a guess- not one episode of harassment came from a woman (it never has) and I sincerely doubt that every last man was single, not that that excuses their behaviour.
Very happy to be a lesbian.

Id like to say no but some definitely are.

When I was a teen men use to always say 'its not cheating if its a different post code'. I don't know where that saying came from but I swear to god the second its uttered I seal shut like Alladins cave and have the overwhelming urge to retch on them.

Like why do they think I would have such little self respect for myself and no respect for another woman?

A lot of what happened at the party was men showing off to other men . Look at me I've still got it . I bet they would make up excuses if one of those girls said yes !

I remember reading in one paper the copier smashed and the fire brigade had to come out as the bloke could not move and risk his Crown Jewels being ripped to shreds.

A lot of affairs started or one night stands happened after some of my old workplace Christmas parties.

I work in quite a male dominated industry and our work parties are huge ~800 people. There's often a number of "stories" the day after the Christmas party but not the types of thing you're describing. On the whole it's a really nice environment, I would be incredibly shocked to see that sort of behaviour at one of ours. Even more shocked to see no one say anything at the time. And would 100% expect HR to be on top of it the following week after it's reported.

I had the same thoughts as PPs though. I wonder if field work (where you presumably spend a lot of time away from family) attracts a certain type of person? But regardless that sort of behaviour only persists if company culture enables it.

Women would be absolutely horrified beyond belief if they knew what many many men would do if they knew they wouldn't be caught.

YANBU.

Sounds very much like a throwback to the 80s when I worked in Central Government. The fun we had

Oh, you saying fieldwork has reminded me of something my nana once told me, which means things have at least improved. She basically said it was completely expected for the younger employees, interns etc to have to sleep with the older men. Often university age. Her tone was sort of “we just had to get it over with even though it was shit” and it was so standard she was mildly surprised at things like MeToo (although not judgy, more taken aback that it was even an option to object to it). This was in the scientific profession about 50 years ago.
It’s not always men and it’s not all men. It is some, though.

This is up there with the one's who circle the dancefloor at the end of the night hoping for a leg over.

Haha! I’ll be told off but I sort of miss those types of party… it is much more boring now.

I think you have a bad bunch to be that blatant at an office party.
Poor show that should not be tolerated.
Mind you, it never fails to amaze me how many people, male and female who have affairs. Where they get the mental and physical energy is beyond me.