Or are most men just disgusting?

[Falalalalaa]

Works Christmas party last night. Around 20 of us, pretty equal mix of men and women.

The men are field based so live all over the country, we only really see them at events like this. At least half of them, all married or with long term partners or children, were trying it on with a couple of the single girls from the office. They all had hotel rooms and we’re inviting them back, hands everywhere, making disgusting comments, it was just so seedy and sadly predictable.

I know it’s not all men, but still, it’s really fucking depressing. Is it the same at all Christmas parties or do I just work with scumbags?

Males are biologically programmed for this ie sleeping around and socialised to be more caring / responsible so it depends on the latter and how they were raised IMHO. Some women buy into the permissiveness so the work place culture is important to deter such behaviour but will never eradicate it

I've not really seen this with quarter of a century in male dominated workplaces, but it may well have gone on in other departments. Also, back in the '90s, vendors saw it as acceptable to take the team out to a lapdancing club, which wouldn't happen now.

I worked in big corporates, and I suspect that the thorough training we had on harassment in the workplace with one employer didn't just come out of nowhere - so the fact I didn't see thongs doesn't mean it didn't/doesn't happen.

The backstory is that Dolan used some American stats in his research and discovered that women were most unhappy when they were recorded as 'spouse absent'. Dolan took that to mean something like 'married woman whose husband was not present in the room when wife was asked how happy she was.'

He then followed this up with a public speech about his book in which he said married women were "fucking miserable" if asked when their husbands weren't present. The inference is that women are unhappy if married and lie to please their husbands.

The thing is, Dolan got it wrong. 'Spouse absent' actually referred to women who were separated, which supports the opposite conclusion to the one he drew.

The man is a twit for being so careless and, because of that, I wouldn't rely on anything else he says. Unfortunately his inaccuracy will be stuck in the public mind for many years to come, and yes, that does annoy me because the subject really isn't one to make careless, sensationalist claims about

About cheating in general, Yougov conducted UK research on this. It's easily found on Google.

About 21% of men reported cheating at some time or other, and about 19% of women. I could be a little out.

I don't recall their being any stats on attempts at cheating. I guess they might differ.

Sadly it’s also my experience but even worse my partner is one of these men - every December becomes a battleground as his company (of which he’s a director) take their customers out for a series of parties in flash restaurants and hotels in London. It’s mostly women and I’m totally sick of it. The owner of the company is a pervert who’s used prostitutes in the past. When I complain (bitterly) I’m told it’s business, his hands are tied and should he just give up work? He’s been there 27 years and worked his way up!

my partner has cheated on me (over 15 years ago now) but it never leaves my thoughts when he goes out on these nights out. Once a cheater always a cheater!

I work in a female dominated environment and there is no Christmas party. A number of us will go for a few drinks but I’ll give that a miss. The guys seem to enjoy themselves a lot more but they keep it to just themselves. When I asked why , they said it was easier.

I have worked at many Christmas parties (and other corporate functions over the last 20 years) and have seen a lot of this. In my 20’s I would regularly be propositioned by older men wearing wedding rings whilst working- it doesn’t happen now I’m 40, but I was always shocked at the high % of married men who would be giving me their room numbers, asking me to go and drink with them after work, making lewd comments etc. I’d say there is still a fair amount of that happening from what I see/hear particularly towards younger women.

I’m sorry. This is shit. I have to ask: why are you still with him? I know it’s often not that simple but you do know, right, that you don’t need to tolerate this?

In my experience, it was ONLY women doing that.

OMG! And how awkward to manage it successfully! 😱🤣

Is it the same at all Christmas parties or do I just work with scumbags?

I think you do work with scumbags, I'm afraid. Over my many years of going to office Christmas parties, there certainly might have been the odd, ahem, liaison between two staff members, which would be gossiped about afterwards, but not large numbers of married men trying to get off with colleagues.

Women tend to be more articulate, better able to use flattery and more subtle innuendo - men are usually more clumsy and direct. Otherwise there might be more young men claiming sexual harassment at Christmas parties.

Sitting on the glass plate generally - the repair crew must have been very busy during the festive season. I remember the post-room (1990's) having a rogues gallery of boobs, bums and worse pinned to the wall - all retrieved from broken office equipment.

But if you're subtle and flattering, it's far less likely to be harassment. You can show your interest in someone without being an annoying creep, especially if you drop it when they don't respond.

That women know how to do this better than men actually means they don't harass men to anything like the extent that men do to women. This is one of the weakest attempts to make women "just as bad" that I think I've ever seen on here.

That women know how to do this better than men actually means they don't harass men to anything like the extent that men do to women.

Hmm, I'd say it's more that most women expect men to make the first move so aren't as likely to be in the position of being deemed as giving unwanted attention.

Which amounts to the same thing: they're not harassing men anywhere near as much as men harass women.

Some people really don't like this fact. "Hmm" at why that is.

Not in my experience ( work in science) but a good friend works in marketing and her works Christmas do's are like this. Lots of affairs and men looking for a shag. I went to one of her work Christmas parties when I was younger and remember it was a very flirtatious atmosphere and people getting off with each other .

But it's not really the same at all.

There's a difference between not being seen as a harasser due to your tactfulness and alternatively not being seen as a harasser because you rarely initiate encounters with the opposite sex.

If women are so much more tactful than men why sit back and insist that men make their clumsy attempts and then moan about it?

No because you can still be a harasser even when you do it rarely, and it doesn't actually matter how you manage not to be a harasser as long as you're not a harasser.

The fact you can't grasp this and are so resentful of women suggests you're probably a harasser. If nobody wants your advances, there's probably a reason.

Seriously disturbing that someone can’t see the difference between putting out feelers and sexual harassment and seems to be suggesting that men are so socially inept that they’re incapable of the former and must be excused the latter 🙈

Fucking grotesque!

@Hardtime , @SharSharBinks there is a world of difference between engaging in a dialogue with a man that you fancy to find out if he is A) a nice person and if the answer is Yes, B) if he is interested, and a man cornering you because, regardless of your interest, or lack of, he is hoping for a quick sexual encounter with no strings attached, and doesn’t take your “no” as a real boundary (I.e. Harrassment)