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AIBU?

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Original poster

Or are most men just disgusting?

222 replies

Falalalalaa · 02/12/2023 09:59

Works Christmas party last night. Around 20 of us, pretty equal mix of men and women.

The men are field based so live all over the country, we only really see them at events like this. At least half of them, all married or with long term partners or children, were trying it on with a couple of the single girls from the office. They all had hotel rooms and we’re inviting them back, hands everywhere, making disgusting comments, it was just so seedy and sadly predictable.

I know it’s not all men, but still, it’s really fucking depressing. Is it the same at all Christmas parties or do I just work with scumbags?

OP posts:
FreshFromTheSinBin · 02/12/2023 12:02

@DonnaBanana Ah yes, photocopying your genitals. I'd forgotten about that one! (definitely popular in the 80s).

It's a shame - it now seems that there's nothing between "sleazy lech" and "woke", when in fact there is plenty of fun to be had in between.

I think I'd find a workplace very po-faced nowadays.

Naptrappedmummy · 02/12/2023 12:02

doriszinkeisen · 02/12/2023 11:39

I was also at my work Christmas party last night. I don't like work socials so left fairly early at about 9pm. One of the colleagues who is almost completely remote was suggestive with me saying I was welcome in his hotel room if I was uncomfortable going home alone in the dark. He's married with a little kid.
When I was actually going home, there seemed to be quite a few work parties going on around town. The amount of lechery and street harassment directed at me and I presume other random women too was unbelievable. Hazard a guess- not one episode of harassment came from a woman (it never has) and I sincerely doubt that every last man was single, not that that excuses their behaviour.
Very happy to be a lesbian.

This is the thing, I’m attracted to men but don’t like them very much. Which is unfortunate Sad

swallowedAfly · 02/12/2023 12:07

YANBU. Grin at those saying it' work culture. I don't think work culture was what was letching over the young girls. It was men.

Disturbia81 · 02/12/2023 12:13

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 02/12/2023 11:57

Oh, you saying fieldwork has reminded me of something my nana once told me, which means things have at least improved. She basically said it was completely expected for the younger employees, interns etc to have to sleep with the older men. Often university age. Her tone was sort of “we just had to get it over with even though it was shit” and it was so standard she was mildly surprised at things like MeToo (although not judgy, more taken aback that it was even an option to object to it). This was in the scientific profession about 50 years ago.
It’s not always men and it’s not all men. It is some, though.

Fucking depressing.
Older men sleazing on young women is grim. But it still happens
When I was 20s I felt sick when older men came on to me
Still happens now at 39
Shitty men with their tiny egos

theduchessofspork · 02/12/2023 12:15

You work with scumbags.

OneMorePlant · 02/12/2023 12:15

It's not all men but it's pretty damn close.

It didn't used to be so bad but most men now grew up on porn or watch too much porn and society no longer puts pressure on people to follow etiquette and good behaviour. So men are ruined.

Scruffington · 02/12/2023 12:16

I don't think I'd be particularly shocked to hear any man had cheated. Even that nice quiet homebody guy who always seems so devoted to his wife.

theduchessofspork · 02/12/2023 12:17

FreshFromTheSinBin · 02/12/2023 12:02

@DonnaBanana Ah yes, photocopying your genitals. I'd forgotten about that one! (definitely popular in the 80s).

It's a shame - it now seems that there's nothing between "sleazy lech" and "woke", when in fact there is plenty of fun to be had in between.

I think I'd find a workplace very po-faced nowadays.

You really wouldn’t

Because people manage to have fun fine

Stop reading the daily mail, etc

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 02/12/2023 12:19

Disturbia81 · 02/12/2023 12:13

Fucking depressing.
Older men sleazing on young women is grim. But it still happens
When I was 20s I felt sick when older men came on to me
Still happens now at 39
Shitty men with their tiny egos

Show quote history

Yep. Luckily that level of it isn’t considered normal any more. But it happens all the time anyway. My ex, in the year after he left me, developed close friendships with girls ten years younger and while I’m pretty sure they weren’t sexual, he’s very flirty and arrogant even now he’s married. That made me feel ill though. He was 29.

bombastix · 02/12/2023 12:26

Hastheslotharrivedyet · 02/12/2023 11:47

Sounds very much like a throwback to the 80s when I worked in Central Government. The fun we had

I've met some of these remnants and honestly they don't get better with age. One insidious lecher was still at it approaching 60 in the pub. He was absolutely grim to women, and his reputation as a lech started when young, and never stopped. The women who had been working with him over the years had somehow tuned it out, but he was awful and it amazed me he had survived more "enlightened" times.

funbags3 · 02/12/2023 12:27

The workplace is boring now because men who letch after women is no longer tolerated?
When I was working in the early 90s, it was absolutely fine for my boss to talk about my body and specifically my tits. For me at the time, this was the norm, I thought that because this made me feel uncomfortable then I must be a prude.

TravelInHope · 02/12/2023 12:30

OneMorePlant · 02/12/2023 12:15

It's not all men but it's pretty damn close.

It didn't used to be so bad but most men now grew up on porn or watch too much porn and society no longer puts pressure on people to follow etiquette and good behaviour. So men are ruined.

Edited

Yes, practically every human male in the universe is a scumbag.
Except all the ones I know.
But hey, you choose your company.

Disturbia81 · 02/12/2023 12:31

These men never grow up.

TravelInHope · 02/12/2023 12:32

Scruffington · 02/12/2023 12:16

I don't think I'd be particularly shocked to hear any man had cheated. Even that nice quiet homebody guy who always seems so devoted to his wife.

I don’t think I’d be particularly shocked to hear any woman had cheated. Even that nice quiet stay at home wife who always seems so devoted to her husband.

lljkk · 02/12/2023 12:32

It's good to know that at OP's workdo all the women turned all the men down & told them off for being sleazy.

DPotter · 02/12/2023 12:35

JaneyGee

Pretty much all of my married friends seem unhappy. The happiest women I know are single or divorced (or gay). Didn't Paul Dolan (the professor who wrote a book on happiness) say that, statistically, childless, unmarried women are the happiest group in society?

The Camberwell studies, admittedly back in the 60s has married men as the happiest, single women next, then unmarried men and married women least happiest. Lot of societal changes since then but still rings true.

Scruffington · 02/12/2023 12:35

TravelInHope · 02/12/2023 12:32

I don’t think I’d be particularly shocked to hear any woman had cheated. Even that nice quiet stay at home wife who always seems so devoted to her husband.

Show quote history

I presume this is meant be a gotcha.

Why take offence at my personal opinion? It's based on my life experiences. If your experiences are different then good for you. Is that okay?

TravelInHope · 02/12/2023 12:37

I’m not taking offence. I’m just sick
of the assumption that most men cheat and most women don’t. How does that even work?

nonumbersinthisname · 02/12/2023 12:40

I don’t see predatory or harassment behaviour at the conferences/events that I go to any more*, but I do see a number of consensual one night stands between colleagues who are married (to other people). It does leave me with a disappointing feeling and I do think there is a large percentage of people (men and women) who do it if they think they can get away with it.

*when I was a new graduate back in the dark ages was in the office as a matter of routine. Men seemed to have got the hang of the idea that touching a female colleague’s bottom or breasts was unacceptable but there was tons of innuendo, unnecessary physical closeness and leering. We thought we had it good because we weren’t actually groped. Fun times (not).

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 02/12/2023 12:43

It’s not universally true that being raised on porn makes you a cheating sex-mad bastard.

tkwal · 02/12/2023 12:43

Not all men are like this. Not all women are delicate flowers who will clutch their pearls at an uncouth utterance. Some men appear to need to validate their masculinity especially when in a "pack" situation with others they are unsure of. I also know of groups of women who totally lose the run of themselves at a dreamboys (other troupes are available) show.
We all need to support others if they appear to be in a vulnerable position regardless of how they are dressed, how they act or how much of their drug of choice they have consumed.
Those of us who are parents should instill a healthy dose of assertiveness ,empathy and responsibility in our children and Bosses need to draw an indelible line under standards of acceptable behaviour because everyone at a Christmas "do" represents their company

Bobbotgegrinch · 02/12/2023 12:45

Was it the sales team by any chance? I've worked in a few places and it's always the salesmen that get like this. I think because they spend a lot of nights away from home they tend to get the opportunity more, so it becomes second nature.

OhComeOnFFS · 02/12/2023 12:48

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 02/12/2023 12:00

I think you have a bad bunch to be that blatant at an office party.
Poor show that should not be tolerated.
Mind you, it never fails to amaze me how many people, male and female who have affairs. Where they get the mental and physical energy is beyond me.

Well people like that are often really shit partners, who don't give much emotionally or physically to their marriage, so I suppose they save their energy for their flings.

OhComeOnFFS · 02/12/2023 12:50

TravelInHope · 02/12/2023 12:37

I’m not taking offence. I’m just sick
of the assumption that most men cheat and most women don’t. How does that even work?

Older married man, younger single woman?

Fionaville · 02/12/2023 12:53

I think men on the whole, make more of an effort to hide that side of themselves now. What you described sounds like a lot of the Christmas parties I went to pre 2000. I was a young woman then and looking back I though it was fun for the most part (I never did anything with a married man) Even when I got older, the scandal of it all was entertaining. Now I'm older still, married with growing children, I can see how damaging it is.
So what's changed? Just that women and some men have taken a stand against it. Society on the whole has moved on, but the nature of men hasn't. So to answer the OP, as much as I believe my DH would be a perfect gentlemen in these situations, I do think men on the whole think with their knobs and are quite disgusting deep down.