Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss the class play because my son doesn't have a line (again)?

210 replies

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/11/2023 22:43

I have always made an effort to take time off work and go to class assemblies, plays etc. The same few children get the main parts, because they are reliable and do a good job. My son (8, Y4) gets the odd line but, like most of the class, is essentially stage furniture. He is used to this situation, and not that bothered.

This time he literally doesn't have one word in the entire play. I am happy to send him in dressed as a pirate so he can stand behind the boy who has all the pirate lines, but I am about to wipe out a lot of A/L over Christmas and I really don't want to book yet more time off to go and watch other people's children perform.

My friend says I will regret it and DS will be mentally scarred for life. Will I? Will he? Or does there come a time when you can say "If he doesn't have an actual part it's fine to skip it"?

OP posts:
RandomButtons · 30/11/2023 22:44

What does your son say?

MummytoAAandX · 30/11/2023 22:45

My DS only has one line but he's still so excited for us to see him. Every time we go you can see as soon as he walks through the doors he's looking for us in the audience. Even if your DS doesn't have a line he's still going to see a load of parents there watching and might be upset if you're not one of them.

WrongSwanson · 30/11/2023 22:46

I much prefer it when schools find plays where there is scope for fairly even participation.

It's dull to watch a handful of children stumble over their lines while the rest are just chorus. I like to see all my child's friends /friends children get a line or two .

I think you should go if you can. But I would also point out to the school that there are plenty of scripts around that are designed to ensure fairly even participation

7Worfs · 30/11/2023 22:47

Is it possible to use a flexible arrangement with work, don’t take A/L just make up your hours/complete your work later?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 30/11/2023 22:48

You should go. Seeing your parents in the crowd is so important, you see their faces light up when they spot you.

WhateverMate · 30/11/2023 22:48

This is a conversation you need to have with your son.

And no way did your friend say those words 🙄🤣

7Worfs · 30/11/2023 22:48

The school here does the nativity play twice - noon and 6pm, seems a good idea.

Ineedasitdown · 30/11/2023 22:48

YABU.
nativity plays can be a bit shit for kids too.
they are well aware of who is thought of as talented, by not going when every other parent (and their extended families) are there(usually filming in the front row) you run the high risk of your child feeling dejected and rejected.
it will come across as even his own mother doesn’t think he is good enough.

all mine were at the back, 2 never had a speaking part but it meant everything to them for me to be there.

Saz12 · 30/11/2023 22:49

Loads of parents have to miss dc plays etc. Is he enthusiastic about the play? Is he usually keen to see you there? He'd probably like you to see it, but would prefer to have you home an extra day in school hols or something!

PuttingDownRoots · 30/11/2023 22:50

DD never spoke. She didn't want to. But I knew it meant a lot we went to see her.

Onelifeonly · 30/11/2023 22:55

Your child will have been involved in rehearsals, needing a costume, acting of some kind, probably singing. The rest of his class (i.e. most of his world outside home) will be there. He is part of it. Of course you should go. There are always some parents who don't but I'm sure their kids don't feel great about it, though whether it scars them for life I doubt.

Createausername1970 · 30/11/2023 22:57

Not every parent can get time off. Tell your son you might not be able to come, especially if you want more time off nearer Xmas, and judge his reaction.
.

bestbefore · 30/11/2023 23:00

Mine never had big parts either and I was always a bit sad about it. But when they got older they said they don't care about that: some kids are more sporty, or good at spelling or showing people round the school or doing art for the walls or maths quizzes etc, your child's time may come!
But I agree go because they do grow up so quickly and one day there won't be a play to watch..Smile

VulcanVause · 30/11/2023 23:03

OP as a a child of two Working parents albeit a very long time ago -they were both always trying to get out of going to school events due to 1. Not wanting to use Leave 2. It was boring. Sometimes neither of them were there but other people parents were. this made me feel worthless.

minipie · 30/11/2023 23:03

YANBU if it’s genuinely going to be difficult to get time off work.

But YABU if you’d go if he had a line. Come on - what message would that send? He’s only worth your time if he’s one of the stars?

Agree by the way that it’s crap when schools choose such unevenly distributed shows.

Damonalbarnsbigtoe · 30/11/2023 23:04

Don’t miss it.

lanthanum · 30/11/2023 23:04

I remember that one year, one little girl, who had just joined in the songs like everyone else in rehearsals, suddenly sang at the top of her voice on the day - the motivation of parents in the audience made a huge difference, and she definitely made her presence felt!

Talk to your son. If you can explain the alternatives (eg you coming to watch means he does an extra day in holiday childcare, or you can do the play or sports day but not both), he may be able to give you an opinion.

Original poster
TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/11/2023 23:04

And no way did your friend say those words

Well she may not have actually used the words "mentally scarred for life" Grin, but the implication was definitely there!

The thing about discussing it with him is that he knows I work and can't attend everything, so he would probably say "It's fine if you can't", but then maybe be mentally scarred for life?

Oh I'll probably just go, but it feels such a poor use of time off, and there will be lots more such occasions if I'm not drawing a line under plays he is not really included in!

OP posts:
WrylyAmused · 30/11/2023 23:04

Ask your son what he feels about it.

Especially if it might impact on the possibility of him doing other fun things with you because you wouldn't have as much AL left.
Ask him if it's important to him and what he'd prefer.

In contrast to most of the pp, as a child I had no interest in having my parents at any of my school events, but evidently it was important to many, so it will depend on your child and his feelings, not anyone else's, no matter how vehement they are in relating and projecting their own feelings!

And no, I don't believe their absence from events scarred my parents, and it certainly didn't bother me!

aswarmofmidges · 30/11/2023 23:06

Op as a child of 2 working parents who had no chance of getting to see anything , I have to say I have no recollection of disappointment , no life long scaring , I truly believe my parents have always loved me

My parents were honest - they couldn't come because they worked

WinterNamechange · 30/11/2023 23:06

At my DC's school the children have to volunteer if they want a speaking part so if your son doesn't have one and you think this is a reason to miss the performance, then maybe encourage him next time to put himself forward? Also usually the non-speaking parts kids join in with the songs and dancing which is a nice thing to go and watch.

Umtydumpy · 30/11/2023 23:07

My ds never had lines either because he was shy and didn't particularly want them. Despite this he was always very excited to see that we had turned up to any performances. I know it's naff watching other people's kids and losing Al for it, but I think your ds will appreciate it if you make an effort.

FreshWinterMorning · 30/11/2023 23:08

Of course you should still go!

Ellie1015 · 30/11/2023 23:09

If you show up for your son in many other ways and have been to the previous shows you can absolutely get out of this one without scarring him for life.

I would absolutely go if i could, however I don't know that i would use my last bit of AL (unless i suspected son would be upset)

Is there a grandparent who may like to attend? Means he has someone in audience for him.

pocketblocket · 30/11/2023 23:09

You're conflating two different things here, I think.

You're pissed off that he's been sidelined (valid feeling)

and then taking that feeling to validate you not showing up for him (not a valid response).