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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My sister is a Sugar Baby

206 replies

MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 16:40

NC for this one but I promise I’ve been around for a while. Sorry it’s a long one too!

My younger DS (27) told me a few months ago that alongside her corporate job she is a sugar baby. When I questioned it (in a non judge way, just “are you safe” kind of way) she defended it with “it’s fine because I don’t have sex with any of them”.

she has both men and women who regularly buy her lavish gifts, send her money etc.

but this is where I am worried now:

1- she lets them have her actual address and meets up with them. Doesn’t have a PO Box or anything.

2- most of them she has met over social media and is quite quick to let them send her stuff, she meets up with them alone and with friends, but often asks them to send stuff before meeting in person. How does she know they are who they say they are?

3- the big one. she has now quit her job (good for her, she hated it) and moved back in with my parents. In January she is going travelling alone for six months predominantly funded by her main “sugar mama”. What if someone wants something more in return eventually?

I am worried about this going badly somewhere along the line. What if she comes across a weirdo and they have been given my parents address. Her and my parents will be at risk.

my parents don’t know about this they just know about someone who is her “wealthy friend”

I have tried to talk to her but have very little social media presence, and she seems to think I’m really out of touch. According her this is totally normal. It’s not is it?

I’m so worried, I have such a bad feeling about the whole thing.

OP posts:
MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 16:42

She has always been very money oriented and is a big instagram person. I’m really worried she’s getting swept up in the glamour/excitement without thinking it through… but I can’t really say that to her without upsetting her I don’t think

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/11/2023 16:42

I don't blame you for being worried, and your sister sounds very naive and immature. That said, there's not a thing you can do about it. All you can do is hope she comes to her senses before this all goes terribly wrong.

Qwertyyui · 27/11/2023 16:43

I mean its her life and if you can let me know how to do the same I am down for free gifts!

Aquamarine1029 · 27/11/2023 16:44

MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 16:42

She has always been very money oriented and is a big instagram person. I’m really worried she’s getting swept up in the glamour/excitement without thinking it through… but I can’t really say that to her without upsetting her I don’t think

Why would upsetting her be so terrible? If she is telling you about all of this, you are well within your rights to give your opinion.

ChampagneCommunist · 27/11/2023 16:44

How does one find a wealthy person who wants to give gifts? Asking for a friend

Anyfeckinusername · 27/11/2023 16:45

Jesus. I have zero point of reference for this as / whoever the sugar daddies and mammies are out there I don't know anyone who is one? Who are these people ? - its pure mental. I'd be crazy concerned too as I can't imagine anyone who is a SD/SM is particularly normal.

MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 16:45

Aquamarine1029 · 27/11/2023 16:44

Why would upsetting her be so terrible? If she is telling you about all of this, you are well within your rights to give your opinion.

As in will it make her even more blasé about it OR make her feel like she can’t tell me. I worry that if it seems like I’m really disapproving then she might do risky things and no one will know where she is/who she’s been seeing

OP posts:
Anyfeckinusername · 27/11/2023 16:46

ChampagneCommunist · 27/11/2023 16:44

How does one find a wealthy person who wants to give gifts? Asking for a friend

And my friend too!

glarnaire · 27/11/2023 16:46

So she's a sex worker?

Cookiecrumblepie · 27/11/2023 16:46

A request for sex will come. There is no such thing as free money.

MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 16:47

glarnaire · 27/11/2023 16:46

So she's a sex worker?

She says she doesn’t sleep with them but I don’t know what else she might do

OP posts:
Bobbotgegrinch · 27/11/2023 16:48

I very much doubt she's "just" a sugar baby, she's like on Only fans or some camsite.

At the end of the day though OP there's not much you can do about it other than talk to her again and try to point out the dangers. I wouldn't push it too much though otherwise you'll just push her away.

MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 16:48

ChampagneCommunist · 27/11/2023 16:44

How does one find a wealthy person who wants to give gifts? Asking for a friend

Instagram/dating apps apparently!

OP posts:
PosterBoy · 27/11/2023 16:48

More likely she is drug dealing and this is the cover for the £££.

Sugar baby with no sex indeed 😂

Aquamarine1029 · 27/11/2023 16:48

MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 16:45

As in will it make her even more blasé about it OR make her feel like she can’t tell me. I worry that if it seems like I’m really disapproving then she might do risky things and no one will know where she is/who she’s been seeing

She 27, I seriously doubt she tells you everywhere she's going as it is. Do you even know the real names of the people she's cavorting with? Personally, I would not sit by and allow her to think I agree with what she's doing.

BMW6 · 27/11/2023 16:51

Sorry but I really don't believe people will give her gifts for nothing in exchange.

She may not have sex with them, but is she doing things to camera to give them their moneys worth?

Seedy as fuck but her life I guess

MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 16:52

Aquamarine1029 · 27/11/2023 16:48

She 27, I seriously doubt she tells you everywhere she's going as it is. Do you even know the real names of the people she's cavorting with? Personally, I would not sit by and allow her to think I agree with what she's doing.

She does send me some of their details - I’m not on SM but I can have a limited view of their profiles by following the links. Usually when she is excited about someone who seems to be really glamorous.

OP posts:
PostItInABook · 27/11/2023 16:53

Your sister is stupid, immature and pathetic to think this lifestyle is in any way glamorous and sustainable. What is her plan when her looks can no longer carry her through life?

MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 16:53

BMW6 · 27/11/2023 16:51

Sorry but I really don't believe people will give her gifts for nothing in exchange.

She may not have sex with them, but is she doing things to camera to give them their moneys worth?

Seedy as fuck but her life I guess

I think she sends them pictures etc. she told me a few details but I didn’t want to know all of it.

I also highly doubt there is no such thing as free money - they will obviously want something in return in the future if not now

OP posts:
tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 27/11/2023 16:54

Qwertyyui · 27/11/2023 16:43

I mean its her life and if you can let me know how to do the same I am down for free gifts!

Sadly very little in life is truly free

CatamaranViper · 27/11/2023 16:58

Does she have a plan for then this dries up?

If she's no longer working, she'll be royally screwed in the future when she's been pied off

Jl2014 · 27/11/2023 16:58

no such thing as a free lunch, op. I suspect she just doesn’t want to tell you what it is she is doing.

MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 16:59

GarlicMaybeNot · 27/11/2023 16:57

Yeah because that’s going to help 😂🙄

OP posts:
Lilibert456 · 27/11/2023 17:00

There will be a sexual exchange of some sort. No point wrapping it up in ribbons...she is a prostitute.

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