My sister is a Sugar Baby

[MiniMinn]

NC for this one but I promise I’ve been around for a while. Sorry it’s a long one too!

My younger DS (27) told me a few months ago that alongside her corporate job she is a sugar baby. When I questioned it (in a non judge way, just “are you safe” kind of way) she defended it with “it’s fine because I don’t have sex with any of them”.

she has both men and women who regularly buy her lavish gifts, send her money etc.

but this is where I am worried now:

1- she lets them have her actual address and meets up with them. Doesn’t have a PO Box or anything.

2- most of them she has met over social media and is quite quick to let them send her stuff, she meets up with them alone and with friends, but often asks them to send stuff before meeting in person. How does she know they are who they say they are?

3- the big one. she has now quit her job (good for her, she hated it) and moved back in with my parents. In January she is going travelling alone for six months predominantly funded by her main “sugar mama”. What if someone wants something more in return eventually?

I am worried about this going badly somewhere along the line. What if she comes across a weirdo and they have been given my parents address. Her and my parents will be at risk.

my parents don’t know about this they just know about someone who is her “wealthy friend”

I have tried to talk to her but have very little social media presence, and she seems to think I’m really out of touch. According her this is totally normal. It’s not is it?

I’m so worried, I have such a bad feeling about the whole thing.

And my friend!

I never even thought of drugs 😳😳

anxiety spiralling now!

Tempted to just rent her a PO box myself

It's got to have a sexual element. It will spiral downwards badly and soon I would think. She'll get addicted to so called easy money and slide into full sex work. It's like drugs.

There is a subset of domination which involves effectively financially abusing people. FinDom I think its called. The donors get off on the shame and thrill of being effectively blackmailed.

How does one meet people with this fetish??

I have seen women like this on documentaries. Average looking women who are massively made up.... hair extensions, botox, collagen, fake tits, turkey teeth, high heels, skirt up to their vulva etc etc.

They claim that men come up to them in the street and hand over the keys and the ownership of their £70K mercedes to them. In addition, they buy them a 2 bed apartment in the city, and whisk them off to Rome/Paris/Stockholm etc for a romantic weekend. They wire £1000 two or three times a week to them too, to get some new clothes or perfume or make up.

In real life I have never ever met anyone like this. A woman like this, or a man like the ones they claim spend tens of 1000s on them.

It's all so weird.

I was a sugarbaby when I was younger. I'd still do it now if I had the energy-It isn't easy! I never had sex with any of them.

I don't blame you for being worried as it sounds as if your sister is quite naive? I never gave anyone my address and I am pretty savvy-of course there are always dangers but I trusted myself and had a good sense of what I was doing. And it doesn't seem as if your Sister is the same?

Ok, a massive element to "sugar baby" stuff is that they DON'T put out ie have sex. There is a massive draw to men (and some women I guess) when a woman doesn't automatically have sex - it's a game. They think the more they spend/gift, the more the chance they might "snag" the sugar baby and win them over. It's a big game. In my home country this is quite a known thing, and everyone involved knows that the woman/younger woman/teenager is very "no, I will not have sex with you....but....maybe?", so it's very popular as a concept with older men. They don't seem to mind gifting and spending at all. And if yuor sister is aware, and agreeing, she's an adult.

@Justcallmebebes 😂

There used to be a lot more people defining their occupation as 'solicitor' than the Law Council had on their books. I imagine that people describe themselves as 'holistic therapists' or 'life coaches' these days.

But yes she shouldn't be givng out her home address!

Can I ask what you were being paid for then, in gifts etc, if there was no sexual element at all?

That's not being a sugar baby and there's much less demand for it. But it does exist and someone somewhere must do it well.

Aren't these women known as 'rinsers' rather than sugar babies?

Is she posting lots of pictures of herself prancing around in her underwear or on Brighton beach with her tits hanging out of her bikini (even in November) on Instagram? So sad.

Free travel is likely to be as a drugs mule. This carries the death penalty in some countries. I remember two young Australians being executed in, I think, Malaysia. Your sister sounds naive enough to be used this way. Her ‘fans’ will disappear if she’s arrested.

In real life I have never ever met anyone like this.

How would you know?

They’re called finidoms

however women must be careful. It’s an addiction just like gambling for the men and can ruin entire lives. I met a man who lost everything due to this and whilst it’s not the woman’s fault. I couldn’t live with myself knowing I helped make someone homeless etc.

So a grown woman with agency (and enough smarts to get a nice corporate job) earns money in an unorthodox way, and people think that it’s any of their business?

Obvious name change for this but at about the same time I did something similar. I didn't pretend I wasn't having sex though but it was with the same 2 or 3 men over 2 years so not really any different to using a dating app (for me).

I maintained my professional job, didn't get any filler, didn't take drugs, did drink and eat a lot (in a lot of nice places). Didn't need reporting HMRC because it's not actually illegal to have a rich boyfriend (or two).

I had about 3 grand a month. Saved a lot of money. Brought a flat in London. Got married, had a child and lived happily ever after.

It was significantly nicer dating rich men than the absolute dross I was dating. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Way back in the 1970's we used to call Prostitution "Furnished Lettings" on tax assessments at HMRC

These gifts ... do they include bags .... and presents to take abroad for a friend? .....

Most professional sex workers pay tax.
But nice assumptions.
HTH.

enough smarts to get a nice corporate job

Funniest comment on here.

Hi I am concerned she may be having mental health struggles there is a situation of safe sugar babies etc. But this isn’t it from what I know from experiences. Her quitting her form of work for it is incorrect just check her health is okay and she isn’t stealing - thanks