Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister is a Sugar Baby

206 replies

MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 16:40

NC for this one but I promise I’ve been around for a while. Sorry it’s a long one too!

My younger DS (27) told me a few months ago that alongside her corporate job she is a sugar baby. When I questioned it (in a non judge way, just “are you safe” kind of way) she defended it with “it’s fine because I don’t have sex with any of them”.

she has both men and women who regularly buy her lavish gifts, send her money etc.

but this is where I am worried now:

1- she lets them have her actual address and meets up with them. Doesn’t have a PO Box or anything.

2- most of them she has met over social media and is quite quick to let them send her stuff, she meets up with them alone and with friends, but often asks them to send stuff before meeting in person. How does she know they are who they say they are?

3- the big one. she has now quit her job (good for her, she hated it) and moved back in with my parents. In January she is going travelling alone for six months predominantly funded by her main “sugar mama”. What if someone wants something more in return eventually?

I am worried about this going badly somewhere along the line. What if she comes across a weirdo and they have been given my parents address. Her and my parents will be at risk.

my parents don’t know about this they just know about someone who is her “wealthy friend”

I have tried to talk to her but have very little social media presence, and she seems to think I’m really out of touch. According her this is totally normal. It’s not is it?

I’m so worried, I have such a bad feeling about the whole thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 20:33

She’s not going to Dubai, she’s off to Canada/USA. She’s saved up a lot of money for the travel (from gifts and from her actual job) and one of her SDs has paid for her flights.

and I don’t know about the most expensive gift but a recent one was a very gorgeous pair of Manolos (which I may or may not be very jealous of)

they range from getting her weekly shop paid for, hair appointments paid for… to designer items, flights..

she is very naturally gorgeous, no fillers or fake boobs!

OP posts:
Fannyfiggs · 27/11/2023 20:34

I love mumsnet

I'm only on page 3 so far and your sister is 'pathetic', a cam girl, a sex worker, a drugs mule, a drug dealer, a drug user, a blackmailer, 'sad' and you're being urged to report her to HMRC 😂

Just be there for your sis, make sure she's safe and get her to set up a PO Box.

Original poster
MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 20:35

I mean it wouldn’t be something I would do myself, but I can see the appeal.

I just really worry that she’s not putting the right things in place to keep her as safe as she can

and also that by sharing my parents address she is unfairly putting them at risk without their knowledge. This is my main issue.

OP posts:
BlowDryRat · 27/11/2023 20:39

Ye gods, I feel sheltered. I thought you'd made a typo and was interested to read about your sister's time in the Sugarbabes and to find out if she did the O2 concert in September.

Original poster
MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 20:41

Fannyfiggs · 27/11/2023 20:34

I love mumsnet

I'm only on page 3 so far and your sister is 'pathetic', a cam girl, a sex worker, a drugs mule, a drug dealer, a drug user, a blackmailer, 'sad' and you're being urged to report her to HMRC 😂

Just be there for your sis, make sure she's safe and get her to set up a PO Box.

I stepped away for a bit and now I’m back I can appreciate this post and some of the more bonkers replies 😂

also the “asking for a friend” posts.

still worried about her but a few of you have made me smile, thank you xxx

OP posts:
RedSalad · 27/11/2023 20:42

The finpigs always want more in the end. I knew a woman who did this, encouraged her daughter to as well.
It didn’t end happily (revenge prn).

Charlize43 · 27/11/2023 20:43

3- the big one. she has now quit her job (good for her, she hated it) and moved back in with my parents. In January she is going travelling alone for six months predominantly funded by her main “sugar mama”. What if someone wants something more in return eventually?

This is your biggest worry: This sounds like the classic sexual trafficking scenario where once your sister is in a foreign country she could be vulnerable to be forced into heavy duty prostitution, especially if she's already involved in it but in a minor way. It wouldn't surprise me if this 'sugar mama' will be there to meet her or will have her meet a 'friend'. Once she's out of the UK away from family and friends, she's really putting herself at risk.

This could be the main reason behind why this 'sugar mama' is paying for her to travel.

Another scenario is that the 'sugar mama' is actually a 'madame' and this will be a 'working holiday' - maybe she feels that she can make more money being a sex worker abroad.

Of course as others have pointed out she may be used as a drug mule.

Realistically nobody is going to hand you money and say, 'Here, have a lovely holiday on me!' There's money involved and the relationship will be transactional.

VelvetVoice · 27/11/2023 20:47

she definitely has sex with them and lots of it

Novelhelp · 27/11/2023 20:50

Many years ago when I was travelling, I met an English girl who never seemed to work. One evening when we were all sitting around chatting, we asked her how she funded herself. She laughed and said she had an old sugardaddy who sent her money. Every now and then he'd fly her to his city and they'd spend the weekend together. We were naive and didn't believe her at first but she was telling the truth.

This post has reminded me of her. Maybe she is even on MN herself these days.

LuluBlakey1 · 27/11/2023 20:52

SurprisedWithAHorse · 27/11/2023 19:54

Surely even the most naive of us realise it's called the world's oldest profession for a reason. As to why: because sex is a major, powerful, complex human drive.

Save your moral outrage for the customers. If there's a sin here, it's theirs. Demand is what drives supply.

Show quote history

No, the problem is with both sides. Demand for drugs also drives supply- should I only be critical of users and not dealers? Anyone who earns a living as a Sugar Princess has seriously warped values, as has anyone who wishes to be a Sugar Daddy or Mummy. Of course prostitution is age old, so slavery - doesn't make it ok.

This is about people who just fancy doing this, as a means of living in luxury without working, doing it or about people who have weird sexual power fantasies being prepared to pay money to feel powerful. It's not decent, has no integrity or good moral value to it and the world is going to shit over thus kind of exploitation- women choosing it because it's easy money and men and women doing it because they're wealthy enough to and weird. It's a step up from street-walking, brothels, sexual-slavery, web-cams but that's what it is. It's not smart /clever of the girl, it's not generous of the payer- it's skanky, seedy and a grubby way to live. Can't believe we live in a world where people shrug it off as ok.

Lovelyjubbbly · 27/11/2023 20:56

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣 omg

Lovelyjubbbly · 27/11/2023 20:57

Why would u report her to HMRC 😂😂😂😂😂😂

mrboombasticwhy · 27/11/2023 20:57

F

Blueskiesforecast · 27/11/2023 21:16

I dont know why people think she is a prostitute . People pay thousands to online scammers who they never actually meet.
Some people just want a transactional flirtation with some-one attractive/ a power trip/are besotted.

Lifeomars · 27/11/2023 21:30

A former friend of mine was embroiled in something like this, met a guy in a coffee bar, and then over a time scale I never got to know about obtained a new car, driving lessons, a Rolex, got set up in a rather nice flat, and then of course came the request for sex. At the same time she met a man she really liked, so dropped the sugar daddy. Then when she fell on hard times she got back in touch with the sugar daddy and started sleeping with him for cash, she had a child with partner by that time and sugar daddy paid the nursery fees so he could come round for sex while little one was in nursery and partner was at work. It all came crashing down when partner found condoms in her bag. Stuff like this never ends well,

PhantomOps · 27/11/2023 21:33

This reply has been deleted

This is a previously banned troll so we've removed their posts.

porridgeisbae · 27/11/2023 21:36

Save your moral outrage for the customers. If there's a sin here, it's theirs.

To be fair, any sexual stuff with randoms is a sin too. And being a sex worker is probably worse. But she can stop doing it anytime and turn things around.

Saschka · 27/11/2023 21:48

Blueskiesforecast · 27/11/2023 21:16

I dont know why people think she is a prostitute . People pay thousands to online scammers who they never actually meet.
Some people just want a transactional flirtation with some-one attractive/ a power trip/are besotted.

I’m not sure saying “maybe she’s just a scammer” is any better! Grin

MrsHarrisAParis · 27/11/2023 21:53

Your DB probably isn't getting involved because, to be blunt, your DSIS is telling you a load of rubbish.
The fact you're somehow focused on a PO Box being the answer to whatever she has going on - when she has clearly told you that she meets up with people in RL - reinforces that you're taking at face value a story that absolutely doesn't add up.
She doesn't listen to you. She doesn't trust you (because what she has told you isn't the truth). And that means you can't have any influence or effect on any of this.

SurprisedWithAHorse · 27/11/2023 22:10

LuluBlakey1 · 27/11/2023 20:52

No, the problem is with both sides. Demand for drugs also drives supply- should I only be critical of users and not dealers? Anyone who earns a living as a Sugar Princess has seriously warped values, as has anyone who wishes to be a Sugar Daddy or Mummy. Of course prostitution is age old, so slavery - doesn't make it ok.

This is about people who just fancy doing this, as a means of living in luxury without working, doing it or about people who have weird sexual power fantasies being prepared to pay money to feel powerful. It's not decent, has no integrity or good moral value to it and the world is going to shit over thus kind of exploitation- women choosing it because it's easy money and men and women doing it because they're wealthy enough to and weird. It's a step up from street-walking, brothels, sexual-slavery, web-cams but that's what it is. It's not smart /clever of the girl, it's not generous of the payer- it's skanky, seedy and a grubby way to live. Can't believe we live in a world where people shrug it off as ok.

Show quote history

No. Bodily autonomy - or even simple desperation, which is the reason for many people who do it - is one thing. Purchasing a human is another.

If sex work is sinful, it's on the punter.

Floppyelf · 27/11/2023 22:20

I’m sure we will see her as another of those tourists caught by a foreign government with drugs up her arse on the front pages of all the newspapers.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 27/11/2023 22:22

Yanbu. No such thing as a free lunch.

MrsHarrisAParis · 27/11/2023 22:24

Prostitution isn't about 'sin'. It's about normalising an industry that relies upon trafficking and is linked to every kind of organised crime including drug and gun running. Anyone who thinks their bodily autonomy is more important than a sense of collective responsibility to end such an exploitative and abusive trade is talking shit.
Desperation or trafficking are quite different.
But middle class Western women saying their right to be paid for sex means they can ignore the industry they're supporting and whitewashing - is bullshit.

CagneyAndLazy · 27/11/2023 22:34

Amazing how many people are stating as fact that OP's sister is a sex worker.

Some have "guaranteed" it. Others have said she "definitely has sex with them".

Where do MNers get their misplaced confidence from?

Cupcakekiller · 27/11/2023 22:40

Where can I apply? Sadly I don't think they'd be interested in a knackered droopy size 12 43 year old! 🤣🤣 🥺