My sister is a Sugar Baby

[MiniMinn]

NC for this one but I promise I’ve been around for a while. Sorry it’s a long one too!

My younger DS (27) told me a few months ago that alongside her corporate job she is a sugar baby. When I questioned it (in a non judge way, just “are you safe” kind of way) she defended it with “it’s fine because I don’t have sex with any of them”.

she has both men and women who regularly buy her lavish gifts, send her money etc.

but this is where I am worried now:

1- she lets them have her actual address and meets up with them. Doesn’t have a PO Box or anything.

2- most of them she has met over social media and is quite quick to let them send her stuff, she meets up with them alone and with friends, but often asks them to send stuff before meeting in person. How does she know they are who they say they are?

3- the big one. she has now quit her job (good for her, she hated it) and moved back in with my parents. In January she is going travelling alone for six months predominantly funded by her main “sugar mama”. What if someone wants something more in return eventually?

I am worried about this going badly somewhere along the line. What if she comes across a weirdo and they have been given my parents address. Her and my parents will be at risk.

my parents don’t know about this they just know about someone who is her “wealthy friend”

I have tried to talk to her but have very little social media presence, and she seems to think I’m really out of touch. According her this is totally normal. It’s not is it?

I’m so worried, I have such a bad feeling about the whole thing.

Theoldqueen

Not illegal to have as many boyfriends as you like of course - but being paid for sex makes it income from a Trade or Profession.

You were a tax evader. If you had been subject to an enquiry you would have had to prove that income WASN'T in exchange for sex - you are not "innocent until proven guilty" under tax law.

BTW illegality isn't relevant in any way.

Do they? Do you have a link? Not being snarky, I was very much under the impression that most women selling sex are not educated, middle class call girls earning thousands a night from rich men and in any position to be declaring it to the taxman, even if they are the ones who get the salacious book and TV deals. Am I wrong?

I agree. I thought the responses on that thread were ridiculous. If the sister was doing coke and dealing with vulnerable people (some of whom would have addiction issues) I thought that was highly reprehensible. I also feel for the OP on this thread and think that her sister is highly naive at best, but I don't get the double standard either.

I used to deal with their accounts and tax assessments SurprisedWithAHorse

Not all the ladies declared their professions of course - we used to visit the local Red Light area under surveillance and "make enquiries" .

As I outlined above, if we had no record of them they'd be called in for interview.
If no response we'd start issuing estimated assessments to get the ball rolling.

Any income, from anything, whether a legal activity or not, is liable to income tax. It's just a question of finding them.

Well, that would have been easily done. I had extended relationships which included many of the nice facets of a relationship, including having sex.

@BMW6 But she bought a flat with that money. How was that possible if it should have had tax paid on it?

I imagine she is having some sexual interaction with them, just not admitting it to you.

Were they the majority of women selling sex? My impression was that whilst Belles de Jour/Dr Brooke Magnantis definitely exist, most women in the profession are vulnerable, often with mental health/drug issues and not securely housed, and the taxman is the last thing they're worried about (and probably the last person who'd ever find them). And of course, a fair number of online workers (not selling actual sex but related services) are men posing as women.

So she is showered with gifts yet no expectations of sex in return?
Where do I sign up?

@Ethylred the ins and outs fade, but I obviously discussed it at length with banks and mortgage brokers, and I couldn't use it as income (e.g. to get a huge mortgage) but noone objected to 'rich boyfriends' as a source of deposit (I don't think that's exactly what went on the form 😂)

@MiniMinn If you think she's not giving out ''services'' to these 'wealthy' people of both sexes, you are being incredibly naive..{But I think you have your suspicions}

There is no such thing as a free lunch.
Or free gifts.

Sooner or later the gift giver wants 'paying'.
Usually sooner, rather than later.

When I was younger, I had men offering to buy me things- I always politely declined. ''No such thing as a free lunch''.

She's probably an 'escort', but is in denial.

What do you mean Ethylred?

She bought a flat with the income from prostitution that she hadn't paid tax on when she should have, but what's to stop her buying a flat with it?

She can afford one, she just doesn’t want one

Most sugar babies and escorts don’t like to admit to having sex with clients because people generally don’t like to admit to being prostitutes. Very few people are so amazing that you’d pay just to speak to them or be in their presence. If she had a head on her shoulders she wouldn’t meet up with any of them. Why do they need to pay someone large amounts of money in return for attention?

I imagine it's not difficult when you're young, pretty and open to potentially dangerous situations 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

Travelling, uhuh! Sounds like she progressed to a Dubai Portapotty (you may have to look that one up). A lots of these girls work out from the Gram & SM.

It sounds like your sister takes you for a fool if she want you to believe that people are just handling over their money because she's such a delightful scintillating conversationalist.

Some of these girls are paid for photographs inserting things into their bodies or doing things with dogs. It's all quite revolting. You can find out more about it online (I did... after an ex work colleague threw in her career to become an 'influencer' on instagram, then started the underwear shots and now several years later is selling pics of herself playing with her frangipane on OnlyFans). She's 26. It's quite sad and horrific that women choose to go down this route. I haven't seen her for years so can't say if she has a substance abuse problem... I discovered all this being a bit of a nosy Sherlock online trying to find out what happened to her. At first it looked like glamour modelling (bikini shots on yachts) but I can def, say now that she's probably what most people would call a Sex Worker.

@BMW6 Her lawyer. Who should have satisfied him/herself that the money had had tax paid on it.

Yes, all prostitutes. Not all vulnerable and addicted though this was back in the 70's when the drug scene wasn't as prolific as now.

We did try to get the Pimps but we never could nail down where they were to serve letters, so that was a dead end.

These girls all operated from a house or room, hence "Furnished Lettings" as a description of the income source (until a group of ladies came to the office and asked us to rename it "Personal Services"

@Theoldqueen I congratulate you on your choice of boyfriends :)

One of my daughter’s friends did this in her early 20s. She got one of them to fund an expensive trip to a European city where he turned up at her hotel, took her out for food and tried to rape her. She escaped to the airport and waited for the next available flight home. She’d met him lots of times in the UK and thought he was fine.

My first thought is sex work

my second is drug mule

People actually selling sex are rarely like their two dimensional representations in film and TV. For some, it's a minor part of their life when they are short of money or are particularly attracted to someone who wants sex with no strings.
The last time I met someone who had sex for money, they were so discreet that it didn't dawn on me and my friend until the following day.
The Suffolk Strangler murdering Ipswich sex-workers was apparently preying on women addicted to Class A drugs. With more carelessness than malice, the police demonstrated their skill and sensitivity at the time:
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-suffolk-60127414
Insp Domenic Mann: "We had about 10 females that were down here working on a fairly regular basis. We are happy that we've got it down to about five who are working here sporadically."

Five women had been murdered.

Do you mean her Conveyancing Solicitor?
Do they check that you've paid tax on all the income that you should?

I never ever had any request to state a person was fully compliant with their income tax in all the 33 years I worked there!

And when we bought our house I had to show that we had the deposit and it's source, but I wasn't asked to prove I'd paid the tax on it.

Do you have a different experience?

It’s high risk behaviour. You’ve mentioned her love of money and glamour, has she been involved in mental health services? She may have a personality disorder

Lots of people go to a cafe, pub or bar where the staff have a good line in patter and will cheer you up or not mind you venting about the irritations of modern life.

I used to sugar and it's common in the industry to tell loved ones and friends that there's no sex involved, it's also a sort of self cope with alot of girls as they like to feel like it's quite spoiled and glamorous. No matter how attractive you are, there's no free ride - I would be almost certain she is having sex or sending sexual content or providing some type of gratification to these men and women