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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister is a Sugar Baby

206 replies

MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 16:40

NC for this one but I promise I’ve been around for a while. Sorry it’s a long one too!

My younger DS (27) told me a few months ago that alongside her corporate job she is a sugar baby. When I questioned it (in a non judge way, just “are you safe” kind of way) she defended it with “it’s fine because I don’t have sex with any of them”.

she has both men and women who regularly buy her lavish gifts, send her money etc.

but this is where I am worried now:

1- she lets them have her actual address and meets up with them. Doesn’t have a PO Box or anything.

2- most of them she has met over social media and is quite quick to let them send her stuff, she meets up with them alone and with friends, but often asks them to send stuff before meeting in person. How does she know they are who they say they are?

3- the big one. she has now quit her job (good for her, she hated it) and moved back in with my parents. In January she is going travelling alone for six months predominantly funded by her main “sugar mama”. What if someone wants something more in return eventually?

I am worried about this going badly somewhere along the line. What if she comes across a weirdo and they have been given my parents address. Her and my parents will be at risk.

my parents don’t know about this they just know about someone who is her “wealthy friend”

I have tried to talk to her but have very little social media presence, and she seems to think I’m really out of touch. According her this is totally normal. It’s not is it?

I’m so worried, I have such a bad feeling about the whole thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 17:02

CatamaranViper · 27/11/2023 16:58

Does she have a plan for then this dries up?

If she's no longer working, she'll be royally screwed in the future when she's been pied off

She’s going to find a new job after she’s been travelling apparently - who knows maybe it’ll all work out

but in the meantime it seems risky

what if she’s on her own halfway around the world and her SM/SD flies out to meet her and something happens

OP posts:
Ethylred · 27/11/2023 17:03

If she's moved back in with your parents then she can't have made much money out of it. [Misses point of thread.]

Original poster
MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 17:04

Our older DB knows about it too but has just shrugged it off. He also works corporate and seems to think it’s normal to a degree…they think I’m a bit of a bumpkin tbh

don’t know about our other siblings

OP posts:
Flyawaybirdfly · 27/11/2023 17:05

ChampagneCommunist · 27/11/2023 16:44

How does one find a wealthy person who wants to give gifts? Asking for a friend

I have a friend too!
But if I was your parents I would be worried about her and annoyed she is giving out my address. But I think you just have to be there for when/if it goes tits up.

SnowflakeSparkles · 27/11/2023 17:07

I'm always so interested in mumsnet's opinion on issues.

Someone posted about their sister doing coke and heavily drinking and it's all very "this is normal, MYOB"

Yet on this thread the responses are completely different and there's no tone at all of MYOB and the sister is described as "pathetic".

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 27/11/2023 17:08

She isn't thing you the truth or at least she's only telling you what she thinks you can handle. No one gives money away for nothing in exchange.

overthinkersanonnymus · 27/11/2023 17:09

I also have a friend who is interested in receiving gifts from wealthy individuals 👀. Please provide links to said donors instagram accounts 😂

newtlover · 27/11/2023 17:11

superficially, doing coke is a victimless crime (it isn't) and if an adult choses to take that risk with their physical/mental/financial health that's up to them- hence MYOB

OP's sister - seems dangerously naïve and/or is engaging in more risky behaviour than she admits- I can appreciate why OP is concerned, so can other PPs

Original poster
MiniMinn · 27/11/2023 17:15

SnowflakeSparkles · 27/11/2023 17:07

I'm always so interested in mumsnet's opinion on issues.

Someone posted about their sister doing coke and heavily drinking and it's all very "this is normal, MYOB"

Yet on this thread the responses are completely different and there's no tone at all of MYOB and the sister is described as "pathetic".

I do get the MYOB side of things - are you thinking of the recent thread where someone’s sister was a social working and they were asking if they should report them?

I really don’t want to judge and if she said she had a PO Box/didn’t share her address etc then I would keep my nose out of it. But now she’s told me these things I can’t help but worry about her when it seems dangerous

maybe I watch too much true crime but that’s where my brain went to immediately

OP posts:
PostItInABook · 27/11/2023 17:17

SnowflakeSparkles · 27/11/2023 17:07

I'm always so interested in mumsnet's opinion on issues.

Someone posted about their sister doing coke and heavily drinking and it's all very "this is normal, MYOB"

Yet on this thread the responses are completely different and there's no tone at all of MYOB and the sister is described as "pathetic".

I wasn’t on that thread but would likely have said the same to be fair.

Onethingafteranother12 · 27/11/2023 17:18

No judgement, she should enjoy it for now but know when to call it a day.

There is a great programme on BBC Iplayer called Mood about this.

craniol · 27/11/2023 17:19

I had a friend who did this. She also told me she didn’t sleep with them. They were all really old blokes and she was about 30 at the time. Eventually she confessed that she did end up sleeping with them. These people will want sex eventually and it will be very hard for her to say no if she is dependent on them financially.

CombatLingerie · 27/11/2023 17:20

Isn’t there some sort of fetish where people get a thrill from being taken advantage of financially? Perhaps this is what she is doing? Grasping at straws😂

housethatbuiltme · 27/11/2023 17:20

Some weirdos do send gifts to instagrammers etc... its like trying to buddy up to the popular girl in school because you are uncool. Its also a good way to attract Incel types though.

However theres no way shes funding life simply off that with nothing in return. Some idiot might buy her a necklace or concert tickets or send her £20 (is that not basically what Patreon is) but unless shes a pretty well known youtuber with her award plaques etc... not enough people would to fund quitting your job and traveling the world.

MaliciaKeys · 27/11/2023 17:21

She's a sex worker, however she tries to pretend otherwise, and because of the nature of that job, she is very likely to be meeting up with unpleasant individuals who don't have her best interests at heart.

Nowherenew · 27/11/2023 17:22

YANBU to be worried but she’s an adult and there’s nothing you can do about it.

There are women who choose to have sex with multiple men for free.
Just because she’s getting something in return, doesn’t necessarily mean she’s in more danger.

I would tell her your concerns but say you’ll support her in whatever she does.

diamondpony80 · 27/11/2023 17:23

Cookiecrumblepie · 27/11/2023 16:46

A request for sex will come. There is no such thing as free money.

Absolutely this. It starts with grooming, but there's no way that this isn't what they're working towards.

JaneyGee · 27/11/2023 17:23

Sounds really weird to me. Who the hell is going to hand over money for...well, for nothing? They are getting some kind of sexual thrill for sure – something she's not telling you.

5128gap · 27/11/2023 17:23

PosterBoy · 27/11/2023 16:48

More likely she is drug dealing and this is the cover for the £££.

Sugar baby with no sex indeed 😂

Yes. There's something about being funded to travel alone around the world by a very rich person with no sex involved that makes me think of drugs...but I can't quite put my finger on what it is...?🤔

slugseverywhere · 27/11/2023 17:23

It's a sick world full of lost souls ☹️

FinallyPregnant23 · 27/11/2023 17:23

I definitely think as a minimum she should have a PO box, that seems incredibly stupid not to. If she wants to be a sugar baby and people want to spend their money on her, all well and good, more power to them. But she definitely shouldn't be giving out her or your parents address.

PosterBoy · 27/11/2023 17:24

5128gap · 27/11/2023 17:23

Yes. There's something about being funded to travel alone around the world by a very rich person with no sex involved that makes me think of drugs...but I can't quite put my finger on what it is...?🤔

Show quote history

😂

zanahoria · 27/11/2023 17:27

I doubt you will talk her out of it but keep reminding her of safety issues, getting a PO box is certainly a good idea.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 27/11/2023 17:27

Do her 'donors' know that the address is hers and where she lives? Because she could be telling them that it's a friend's address or an office address that she uses for post? (grasping at feeble straws here)

GarlicMaybeNot · 27/11/2023 17:28

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 27/11/2023 17:27

Do her 'donors' know that the address is hers and where she lives? Because she could be telling them that it's a friend's address or an office address that she uses for post? (grasping at feeble straws here)

And none of them know how to Google 😂