My sister is a Sugar Baby

[MiniMinn]

NC for this one but I promise I’ve been around for a while. Sorry it’s a long one too!

My younger DS (27) told me a few months ago that alongside her corporate job she is a sugar baby. When I questioned it (in a non judge way, just “are you safe” kind of way) she defended it with “it’s fine because I don’t have sex with any of them”.

she has both men and women who regularly buy her lavish gifts, send her money etc.

but this is where I am worried now:

1- she lets them have her actual address and meets up with them. Doesn’t have a PO Box or anything.

2- most of them she has met over social media and is quite quick to let them send her stuff, she meets up with them alone and with friends, but often asks them to send stuff before meeting in person. How does she know they are who they say they are?

3- the big one. she has now quit her job (good for her, she hated it) and moved back in with my parents. In January she is going travelling alone for six months predominantly funded by her main “sugar mama”. What if someone wants something more in return eventually?

I am worried about this going badly somewhere along the line. What if she comes across a weirdo and they have been given my parents address. Her and my parents will be at risk.

my parents don’t know about this they just know about someone who is her “wealthy friend”

I have tried to talk to her but have very little social media presence, and she seems to think I’m really out of touch. According her this is totally normal. It’s not is it?

I’m so worried, I have such a bad feeling about the whole thing.

In any case... whatever your sister is doing: she's skint. Looks like sex work, drug mule or only fans or whatever gig she had is not that profitable, being a total adult she just moved back to her parents. Had she been making decent money she would have gotten her own place. Leaving that finance job sounds a bit silly, I mean... none of us love our jobs but we don't have the privilege to quit and move back to the parents (unless we have a solid backup plan). Your sister doesn't sound like the sharpest tool in the shed OP and I would be more worried about that.

Mumsnet is definitely not the place for this question going by the replies 😂

What your sister is taking part in is a kink called Findom (financial domination). The whole point of findom is that the sugar baby demands gifts and the daddy/mummy gets nothing in return. In fact most prefer to be scolded eg. You sent me this piece of shit? Do better you pathetic little man.

So sure, sex work. That doesn’t mean having sex or doing can work or anything like that.

I would advise you strongly encourage her to use a false name and a PO Box but other than that keep out of it.

I don't suppose your sis even get tax credits anyways 😆

What a ridiculous question 😂😂. But to answer……Well no, because those are legitimate career paths and two of them require actual talent to succeed. Though they also need a plan for when that career ends as all three generally have a shortish career span so I would still ask the same question.

I deffo think there’s a sexual element she’s hiding here! Of course there is- who the hell gives money/gifts etc for zero in return?? Over the internet?! No one. Reminds me of the horrendous ‘Dubai porta potty’ scam/scandal/abuse whatever you want to call it!!! I don’t think you should freak out but she will likely wise up soon when someone either asks her for sex, dirty pics (possible already happening?) or she gets asked to come to Dubai!!!! X

I didn't see the programme that you mention, but I did see a very interesting interview with a prospective porn star who gave a very brutal analysis of the industry.
The business likes you to arrive playing the part of an innocent/virgin. When the novelty (or figure) has passed, you're 'girlfriend' material, which might include lesbian/bisexual work, before the older woman, after which you're expected to suffer for your art with large implements, rough treatment or BDSM.
I'm not sure if it was encouraging or not to see someone in their early twenties explain their game-plan to navigate the options acceptable to her before anticipated retirement in her late twenties.

When I read things like this, I feel like I live in another world. Do people really do this? Live like this? Prostitute themselves in some way- sex, pictures, videos - with several strangers for a bracelet/bottle of perfume/ipad or whatever it is? As a means of making a living? Is it really normal? Who are these greedy immoral people who do it for money? Who are the warped, weird bastards who offer the stuff? What is wrong with people? What is going on in their heads that they think it's ok? The world has become a scummy, degenerate, horrible place. Humankind is nit kind- it's full of exploiters, sexual weirdos, lazy, greedy people.

There are different extremes of "sugar babies" if that's the right expression.

She may be a sex worker or just an opportunitist- financial domination seems to be a very popular was of making money but strangely enough a lot of people get off on it etc.

I would be worried too but at 27 there's very little you can do about it. I would advice her to use a false name and a PO box but if she won't & to always contact you if she's ever in danger but other than that I can't realistically see anymore you can do.

It's her life let her make her own mistakes. I wish I knew about this in my 20s

a kink called Findom

I keep reading this as ‘Findhorn’

6-month travelling around the world funded by her suga mama in return for not even a postcard! Ok.

Did she actually reply to the sugardaddies in her insta inbox? I always presume they're trying to scam money from me tbh.
@MiniMinn you said you watch true crime and I think women watch it alot because we're more likely to be the victims of it and your sister isn't, I'm really sorry to say, immune from that.
I've 2 friends who've done sex work, one a man and one a woman. The man had a extremely brutal experience and he's lucky he survived. He still does sex work but not without a nearby friend now, in case shit turns.
The woman made enough money to own her flat outright (which was the 5 year plan) from sex work but mentally she wasn't able to compartmentalise and had a very upsetting breakdown and even though she was drug free during her time as an escort, she became heavily reliant on substances ones she was away from the whole thing.
She, like your sister was groomed with cash and gifts prior to agreeing to have sex with clients. She was groomed by a pimp.
Naive as hell, the attitude, "I fuck around anyway" without the realisation she did willingly sleep with old, dirty men who didn't wipe properly etc.

I've also got acquaintances with women who send pics for cash, not something regulated like OF, just will post to social media they're selling pics, "inbox for prices" and they get cash now and again.
But I've known some absolutely stunning beautiful women who've been approached for modelling etc, but never to be a sugar baby so I'm intrigued as to where she's found her erm, sugar parents.

Honestly I think she shouldn’t have told you. What good could come from letting you know???

Surely even the most naive of us realise it's called the world's oldest profession for a reason. As to why: because sex is a major, powerful, complex human drive.

Save your moral outrage for the customers. If there's a sin here, it's theirs. Demand is what drives supply.

Absolute bollocks that she’s not doing anything sexual with them.

What level of gifts are we talking here? What’s the most expensive gift or amount of money she’s been given?

I don’t believe people would part with large amounts of money without getting their rocks off in return, surely they’d just meet up with a prostitute? I’m sure there are plenty of beautiful young women out there happy to part with more than their time in exchange for cash!

Could you ask her to be a little more specific? Just out of curiosity of course....

I've never been a sugar baby but looking back, I realise that I have known men who truly liked buying stuff for women; sometimes for some sort of return (not necessarily sex) or power, but sometimes just because they liked being generous. I think it's similar to how some women like being caring and nurturing, possibly by cooking or mothering or whatever.

I'm plain and always have been, so I don't think they were dazzled by my beauty or thought I made good arm candy, but I think they enjoyed my company and conversation.

She’s too old to be a sugar baby at 27 - those are generally young, and the appeal is their youth/coolness. She’ll be either sleeping with them or sending videos. Up to her of course.

is this “travelling” actually a trip to Dubai by any chance? For sex work? Or is there any risk of her being tricked/persuaded into being a drugs mule, if she’s backpacking around Asia?

At 27, there isn’t really much you can do to stop her.

@Hardtime With older and married men it doesn't tend to fizzle out once you've had sex, younger or less lonely men it does if they think you're too available. Most of the time you only meet them and have sex once a month in exchange for a large allowance + occasional texting so there's less time for them to get bored of you vs if you were meeting regularly like an affair or fling

Yeah, cause you’d do that to your sister!

This is potentially sex trafficking.
Your sister sends them dodgy photos and they then sell them thousands of times a day for a lot of money on the dark web.
People think ‘trafficking’ means people have to be moved but that’s not correct. You can literally be trafficked just by taking photos in your own house.

Yes your sister is 27 but it’s still sex trafficking - sadly, they do this to children world wide. There was a young teen girl (11 I think) who got asked to take a picture of herself naked in her bedroom. She did & sent it to whoever, and that photo was then uploaded all across the internet.

So whilst your sister thinks there’s no harm in it, and she’s getting some gifts or some money….the people uploading the pictures from her are probably making a lot more than they’re paying her.

From her point of view though, she thinks they like her and just want to treat her with nice gifts and money.
To her, it seems like a bit of fun and is a quick and easy way to make money but along with the obvious ethics of her taking the money, there’s sadly potentially a very dark side to what she’s involved in.

She's old to be a sugar baby, they are usually students paying through Uni. I think cam work is more likely. A few I was at uni with did it rather than working. They didn't meet them tho.

And once in Dubai, they take your passport and that’s it - nowhere to go and no way of leaving.

A mutually exploitative relationship. The problem is, if something goes wrong, she could be in deep shit. They could, for all we know, be extremely vulnerable "sugar parents". She is not a child after all....