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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling someone you are too busy for a visit but they turned up anyway

310 replies

Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 15:10

Just wanting to get some more views on this as I am feeling really bad right now.

DH and I booked Friday as leave to get things done around the house etc …. Car battery had gone flat and DH arranged for a neighbour to help with this. I was decluttering and deep cleaning ready for Christmas and making cupcakes for DS Christmas fayre at school. Just very busy all day with planned stuff to do.

A neighbour that I bump into now and then (wouldn’t say we know each other that well but are friendly) text me to say that she was bored and could she pop round for a cuppa and a chat (she had seen the car outside). I text back “Sorry but really not convenient today! We’ve booked the day off to declutter etc but let me know when you’re next free” I forgot about it and just carried on. An hour later, there’s a knock at the door and it’s her! She was like “Hi put the kettle on you sound like you need a break” I asked if she had got my text and she went “yeah but you’re not out out, you’re around so I won’t stay long.” I really didn’t know what to say , I was speechless. We walked through to the kitchen, I put the kettle on but suddenly felt really irritated and said “actually I really can’t stop for a cuppa, this is the only day I have to get things done. I did tell you that?” So with that, she huffily got up and said she wish she’d hadn’t bothered! I ended up apologising to her and saying I’d be in touch.

The more I think about it though, I just can’t believe someone would have the audacity to even do that? Was I being unreasonable by practically throwing her out??

OP posts:
Thursdayusername · 19/11/2023 15:17

Yes, people do do that. No, you did the right thing by asking her to leave. Good boundaries!

Aquamarine1029 · 19/11/2023 15:19

Why you apologised is beyond me. What an absolute cow she is. Very well done for having her leave, and if it were me, I would be blocking her number immediately. I have zero tolerance for people like that.

Wilkolampshade · 19/11/2023 15:19

No, not at all.
Used to have a neighbour like this.. She once popped up at the window and seeing we were at Sunday lunch with my elderly parents STILL knocked on the door for a 'won't stay long' cuppa..and there was the time WHILST I WAS IN THE BATH she just walked into my house. I called out 'in the bath!' and she still offered to come and chat sitting next to me on the loo..😳
Zero boundaries. ..

cadburyegg · 19/11/2023 15:20

YANBU

I had this with a friend once. She texted me asking if she could come over and I said no because I'd had a tricky day and night with ds1 who was about 3 months old at the time. She acknowledged the message but turned up anyway and banged on the door. I was settling ds1 down so didn't answer, so she went and spoke to my neighbour, came back and shouted through the letterbox asking why I wasn't answering. 😫

Gymmum82 · 19/11/2023 15:20

No. You told her you were busy. She’s not even a good friend. If it was your best mate and something had happened and she needed a listening ear then fair enough but you’d said you were busy. Good on you for sticking to those boundaries

Mamato29192 · 19/11/2023 15:20

Yanbu

Rjahdhdvd · 19/11/2023 15:21

Well done for saying no! How odd just to ignore you saying it wasn’t a good time

LylaLee · 19/11/2023 15:21

The only way this would have been better is if you hadn't let her in at all, but I'm sure most people would be flustered at the cheeky fuckery.

Better than a handwringing thread about 'I tell her I'm busy but she always comes anyway, and stays 11 hours.'

Greenshake · 19/11/2023 15:22

Voted that you were unreasonable due to your apology. Why did you say sorry?!

Aquamarine1029 · 19/11/2023 15:22

and there was the time WHILST I WAS IN THE BATH she just walked into my house. I called out 'in the bath!' and she still offered to come and chat sitting next to me on the loo..😳
Zero boundaries. ..

😳

Oh my god.

Necessitynamechange · 19/11/2023 15:23

My jaw absolutely dropped reading this. What a weird and rude thing to do. yanbu. Good for you standing up for yourself.

LylaLee · 19/11/2023 15:25

Wilkolampshade · 19/11/2023 15:19

No, not at all.
Used to have a neighbour like this.. She once popped up at the window and seeing we were at Sunday lunch with my elderly parents STILL knocked on the door for a 'won't stay long' cuppa..and there was the time WHILST I WAS IN THE BATH she just walked into my house. I called out 'in the bath!' and she still offered to come and chat sitting next to me on the loo..😳
Zero boundaries. ..

How did she get in both times?

Original poster
Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 15:26

Thanks 🙏 you’ve all put my mind at rest so far.

I know I shouldn’t have apologised - I could kick myself for it! Her reaction made me feel like I was being out of order. My DH quite quite believe the sheer cheek of her either! She’s one of those that just wants to talk about herself constantly and I can never get a bloody word in! I try to avoid her at the best of times as it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 15:27

@Wilkolampshade 😮😮😮😮 oh my god!! What is wrong with wine people?

OP posts:
liormat · 19/11/2023 15:30

Yanbu

FloorIt · 19/11/2023 15:34

Yabu for apologising

RommyRommyRommm · 19/11/2023 15:35

So what is this person that you don’t know very well doing with your number?

YABU for letting her in, but you got there in the end. Do not get in touch.

determinedtomakethiswork · 19/11/2023 15:36

You did exactly the right thing. Hopefully she will ignore you from now on!

SM4713 · 19/11/2023 15:38

OP- You neighbour is my MIL, I'm sure of it.

MIL texted DH to say she was coming around- he said no, are doing XYZ. By the time he'd replied, she was in the driveway! Not only her, but random friends of hers we'd never met. All had come to have a tour of our house which we've been renovating! Some people are so rude!

Original poster
Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 15:39

@RommyRommyRommm

Both our DS are the same age (different schools thank god) so we’d often see each other at the park, soft play etc …. Her DS was invited to my DS birthday party so that’s how numbers got exchanged.

I won’t be contacting her in future! Now it’s winter, I’m unlikely to bump into them as much hopefully 🤞

OP posts:
Original poster
Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 15:40

@SM4713 Jeez that is horrendous!! My absolute idea of hell 🙈 How bloody rude!

OP posts:
Original poster
Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 15:41

@determinedtomakethiswork Absolutely! It’ll be no great loss …..

OP posts:
Hairyfairy01 · 19/11/2023 15:42

Maybe she really needed some kind of support or a kind ear from you?

WickedSerious · 19/11/2023 15:44

Hairyfairy01 · 19/11/2023 15:42

Maybe she really needed some kind of support or a kind ear from you?

Maybe she needs a kidney.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 19/11/2023 15:47

Hairyfairy01 · 19/11/2023 15:42

Maybe she really needed some kind of support or a kind ear from you?

So what?
they aren't close friends, if she needed support or therapy she should go to close friends or a therapist. Nobody owes help or time to someone they barely know, when they are busy with their own lives.