Telling someone you are too busy for a visit but they turned up anyway

[Minniliscious]

Just wanting to get some more views on this as I am feeling really bad right now.

DH and I booked Friday as leave to get things done around the house etc …. Car battery had gone flat and DH arranged for a neighbour to help with this. I was decluttering and deep cleaning ready for Christmas and making cupcakes for DS Christmas fayre at school. Just very busy all day with planned stuff to do.

A neighbour that I bump into now and then (wouldn’t say we know each other that well but are friendly) text me to say that she was bored and could she pop round for a cuppa and a chat (she had seen the car outside). I text back “Sorry but really not convenient today! We’ve booked the day off to declutter etc but let me know when you’re next free” I forgot about it and just carried on. An hour later, there’s a knock at the door and it’s her! She was like “Hi put the kettle on you sound like you need a break” I asked if she had got my text and she went “yeah but you’re not out out, you’re around so I won’t stay long.” I really didn’t know what to say , I was speechless. We walked through to the kitchen, I put the kettle on but suddenly felt really irritated and said “actually I really can’t stop for a cuppa, this is the only day I have to get things done. I did tell you that?” So with that, she huffily got up and said she wish she’d hadn’t bothered! I ended up apologising to her and saying I’d be in touch.

The more I think about it though, I just can’t believe someone would have the audacity to even do that? Was I being unreasonable by practically throwing her out??

This would be my idea of hell in earth. I can't stand people just "popping round", never mind popping round after clearly being told not to. How rude !
You did the right thing Op, people need to learn boundaries

Not the point of the thread but I'm remembering my childhood in the 60s and 70s.

My mum's friends would often just 'stop by' for a quick cuppa and a chat. My mum would be thrilled and make them a cuppa and my mum would carry on ironing or cooking whilst her friend would chat away.

Similarly, when we'd be on our way to the shops we'd pop in to a friend's house and we'd be welcomed whilst said friend was also busy ironing or cooking etc...

These visits would be barely half an hour and the chat consisted of gossip or advice or unburdening.

Strikes me , now, as much better than how we live now... solitary, anxious, fretful and disconnected from the real world.

Just an opinion.

Maybe she did. But if so, surely it was incumbent on her to agree a mutually convenient time to talk, and to assess whether there was someone else she could talk to instead because OP was busy?

Surely there is a middle ground, no? not wanting people to chat to you whilst in the middle of doing stuff which you need to concentrate on, doesnt mean you want to live like a lonely hermit. I love spending time with my friends but I like to give them my full attention when with them and really chat about important stuff (rather than gossip or fluff topics)- not when I'm distracted by having to do other stuff.

YANBU. One of my pet hates is when people assume that because you're at home, you're available to them. Even if you're NOT doing anything productive, you're perfectly entitled to have a day in front of the TV in your PJs every now and then if it's what you need.

Blimey. Although I agree she was rude, surely blocking's a bit harsh.

Yanbu. She was rude

A version of Christmas Carol will be on TV in about 20 min. So some of you can catch up on how to demonstrate you really don't care for other people.

@EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon someone like this poster thrives on drama and no doubt regularly shrieks “go NC” on threads and indeed in RL!

Yes. I agree. Can you have a word with my teenagers please!? 😂

Brilliant! 😂

@Hairyfairy01 must be the irritating neighbour. 🙄

@AllAroundMyCat back then we didn't have any other way of communicating though other than by landline which was expensive (only call after 6pm etc) but with the advent of mobiles etc the way we communicate has just shifted. Even back then, where I lived, people made plans to visit rather than just drop in unless they were very close friends/neighbours.

I'm pretty friendly with my neighbour and we have impromptu catch-ups occasionally but we both work and are single parents so just dropping in when you feel like it doesn't work today in the way it might've done when more women were SAHPs.

I don't thrive on drama at all and that's exactly why I would block someone like this woman. I don't keep people like this in my life.

Incredibly rude of her.

FIL did this once. He called in as he had seen my car parked outside. I answered the door and told him he couldn't come in because I had suspected Norovirus . He pushed his way inside anyway ( not unusual for him) and as I opened my mouth to object I threw up on his shoes.
Job done, he left.

I think on your position I'd probably have looked at her, puzzled and said, did you come to help?
Oh, I've got plenty you can help with!
Cheeky fucker turning up when she was told not to.

No but I would have made sure she was ok and didn't really need someone to talk to first.

I would have said well as you are so bored, do you fancy giving my kitchen or bathroom a good clean as I only have today to get the hole house done!! , or could you help he change all the beds!! But that me I have a brass neck!!, as brass as hers for coming across when you said you was busy!!

I completely agree.

People whom don't respect the privacy of others, and turn up anyway because as the OP clearly stated, she likes to talk about herself endlessly, are EXACTLY the type of people that add NOTHING to the lives of others, and are best avoided to AVOID drama.

Did he apologize afterwards?

If an annoying neighbour can walk into your home while you were in the bath, then a burglar or worse can walk into your home while you are in the bath.

Why on earth don't people lock their doors?

@googledidnthelp No, sadly she just wants someone to talk ‘at’ and has no interest in my life or anyone else’s. Why on earth would I take time out of my busy day to entertain her? When I had already said to do it another time?

@Nanalisa60 🤣🤣 love that! Wish I had said that now.

I was wondering the same- who leaves their front door open when having a bath and if the neighbour is so annoying and you gave them a key then thats kind of on you

@Wilkolampshade
Oh, my goodness !! Reminds me of the '90's when my DH's aunt walked in our house via the unlocked back door,
" Anyone at home ?"
I was in bed with DH !!! He went downstairs to chat to her, as if it was a normal part of life to just enter someone's home without notice, I stayed upstairs, too embarassed, as it would have been obvs what we were doing, stayed there for 2 hours !! I thought it was funny during the first few minutes, not so when the auntie had left.