Telling someone you are too busy for a visit but they turned up anyway

[Minniliscious]

Just wanting to get some more views on this as I am feeling really bad right now.

DH and I booked Friday as leave to get things done around the house etc …. Car battery had gone flat and DH arranged for a neighbour to help with this. I was decluttering and deep cleaning ready for Christmas and making cupcakes for DS Christmas fayre at school. Just very busy all day with planned stuff to do.

A neighbour that I bump into now and then (wouldn’t say we know each other that well but are friendly) text me to say that she was bored and could she pop round for a cuppa and a chat (she had seen the car outside). I text back “Sorry but really not convenient today! We’ve booked the day off to declutter etc but let me know when you’re next free” I forgot about it and just carried on. An hour later, there’s a knock at the door and it’s her! She was like “Hi put the kettle on you sound like you need a break” I asked if she had got my text and she went “yeah but you’re not out out, you’re around so I won’t stay long.” I really didn’t know what to say , I was speechless. We walked through to the kitchen, I put the kettle on but suddenly felt really irritated and said “actually I really can’t stop for a cuppa, this is the only day I have to get things done. I did tell you that?” So with that, she huffily got up and said she wish she’d hadn’t bothered! I ended up apologising to her and saying I’d be in touch.

The more I think about it though, I just can’t believe someone would have the audacity to even do that? Was I being unreasonable by practically throwing her out??

@cadburyegg
If I had been your neighbour I would have said I'd just seen you leave with your DS !

this is why im not over invested with neighbours-although you already said no

Sorry in the minority but she was so close by, you could have said okay just ten minutes so, personally I think you were rider! Lot of very over dramatic people on this thread!

Boundaries! Well done. She was very rude. You’d been abundantly clear.

I had a friend who did this regularly...just turn up expecting me to drop everything...or say she would come and not turn up. I had it out with her.. said my time is as precious as yours, please let me know if planned to come to let me know you wont be coming so i can do something else and if ring couple days before coming. She carried on doing what she always did...so i told her that was it..it was disrespectful. Didn't see her for 8 month then she just turned up out blue!! I know!! Rude. Tapped on window as if i should be overjoyed...i invited her in , said thats exactly what i was talking about, just turning up without organising...i wasn't happy to see her.I showed her the door and not seen her for years...only in supermarket where she disappeared as soon as seen me lol...made me lol actually..she looked like she was walking down the stairs but behind the sofa sketch 🤣

Good for you OP telling her to leave. It’s unbelievably rude to come over after you telling her it’s not a good time for you.

WTF is wrong with people not respecting the word no?! Then they have the audacity to get pissy when you’re too busy to talk. The fact she always wangs on about herself is no surprise considering her lack of respecting your boundaries.

Good for you for sticking to your boundaries OP! Hopefully she'll leave you alone from now on, she sounds awful, and not the type of friend you need at all!

Don't be so bloody pompous. The woman was BORED not in distress, the OP told her she was totally busy and not a convenient time but the arrogant woman totally disregarded the OP!

It wasn't Ignorance and Want at OP's door - just a pushy person who doesn't take No for an answer.

Being Kind to your fellow man does not mean being an absolute pushover FFS.

Step back everyone, a martyr has arrived. Make way.

Exactly. I'm sure if the neighbour had said, "our Trevor's walked out and I don't know what to do." Or "I've had a funny turn," or "I'm really struggling, do you have half a hour for a cuppa?" op would have helped.

It astonishes me that you actually think that op was the one in the wrong here.

Why on earth should she have said "just 10 minutes?" She didn't want to. That's the only reason she needs. She was polite and declined the visit, and that woman had the audacity to show up anyway.

Yep! and it completely ignores the fact this person wouldn’t have stayed “just ten minutes” anyway because she ignored the OP the first time she said no so why would she suddenly respect her wishes now she has her foot in the door?! You don’t give in to people who don’t respect your wishes the first time around unless you enjoy being used like a convenience by people who don’t give a crap about you

On the flip side, 30mins cuppa and natter wouldent have took long,

You did the right thing OP. You were in the middle of something and you already told her you couldn’t meet her. If she’s annoyed, it’s entirely her own fault.

Yanbu. That type of selfish thick skinned person will always deliberately ignore your polite reasons for declining, because it doesn't suit them, forcing you to be blunt and direct. Then they act like you are the one who is being rude. You don't owe them your time and attention. Women are always made to feel like they have to be "nice" at the expense of their own wants and needs.

The only unreasonable thing you did was apologising to the necky maniac.

Where to start with this…?

You’re a super kind person worrying about her. But I’m sure she moved on to the house next door to OP. So I’ll bet she’s just fine!

OP, hope you’re OK after your busy day!

Completely agree.

A good friend wouldn't dream of doing this and anyway, I like most others, would drop anything for a dear friend in need.

However, someone who talks endlessly about themselves, and turns up for a chat despite being told you are busy, is not someone ANYONE needs in their lives.

A CF user more like, who enjoys the sound of their own voice.

That type ignores boundaries and tantrums when they are enforced.

No loss whatsoever to anyone.

for me it would be putting the kettle on and helping a friend as who knows why they want a natter, but it could make all the difference to the friend.

Unbelievable. The op is not a therapist. She's not running a charity. Does what the op need not factor in at all to you? The op was not put on this earth to be this woman's doormat.

This is women being socialised to be absolute doormats. Always putting their own needs last. Never mind, there's a reward for you in heaven.

No.

Someone who is in distress needs to say so.

"Sorry Mary, I'm clearing the loft, can't hang out."

"Actually, OP, I got a worrying call from the doctor and I would feel better if we had a cup of tea and look at the letter together."

That's normal. Op would set aside time.

It's not OP's job, nor the job of any woman to placate selfish CFs who just want an audience for their droning.

@Aquamarine1029@LylaLee
Thats what i would have done,
i did not expect the op to do that.
Each to their own

You did the right thing. I can't believe how rude she was ignoring what you'd said and coming anyway!

I had a "friend" like this. Would always expect me to drop everything to focus on her. One time she decided that me being on a train was exactly the opportunity she needed for a lengthy chat as I "wasn't doing anything else". I'd had a v long day at work, train was busy and my phone running low on power. It was in the days before plug sockets were common on trains. I told her several times it wasn't convenient, but she kept ringing back and I'd explain again, or just cancel the ringing. She drained all my battery meaning I couldn't even txt DH to say my train was late!

So if she comes every single day, you will entertain her daily?

No?

So you have a limit.

OP also has a limit. Maybe her limit is days she is not busy. Or once a week/month.