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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Telling someone you are too busy for a visit but they turned up anyway

310 replies

Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 15:10

Just wanting to get some more views on this as I am feeling really bad right now.

DH and I booked Friday as leave to get things done around the house etc …. Car battery had gone flat and DH arranged for a neighbour to help with this. I was decluttering and deep cleaning ready for Christmas and making cupcakes for DS Christmas fayre at school. Just very busy all day with planned stuff to do.

A neighbour that I bump into now and then (wouldn’t say we know each other that well but are friendly) text me to say that she was bored and could she pop round for a cuppa and a chat (she had seen the car outside). I text back “Sorry but really not convenient today! We’ve booked the day off to declutter etc but let me know when you’re next free” I forgot about it and just carried on. An hour later, there’s a knock at the door and it’s her! She was like “Hi put the kettle on you sound like you need a break” I asked if she had got my text and she went “yeah but you’re not out out, you’re around so I won’t stay long.” I really didn’t know what to say , I was speechless. We walked through to the kitchen, I put the kettle on but suddenly felt really irritated and said “actually I really can’t stop for a cuppa, this is the only day I have to get things done. I did tell you that?” So with that, she huffily got up and said she wish she’d hadn’t bothered! I ended up apologising to her and saying I’d be in touch.

The more I think about it though, I just can’t believe someone would have the audacity to even do that? Was I being unreasonable by practically throwing her out??

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 19/11/2023 15:52

she wish she’d hadn’t bothered!

She really is weird!

AffableApple · 19/11/2023 15:54

.

AffableApple · 19/11/2023 15:55

Hairyfairy01 · 19/11/2023 15:42

Maybe she really needed some kind of support or a kind ear from you?

OP needed to be left alone to crack on (support) and for her to bloody listen that she wasn't free (a kind ear).

Thedm · 19/11/2023 16:03

I hear you. I live next door to my parents. It can be eventful.

penjil · 19/11/2023 16:07

WickedSerious · 19/11/2023 15:44

Maybe she needs a kidney.

Could be, but still.....always best not to just turn up for it! 😂

PhoenixReincarnated · 19/11/2023 16:14

The only thing you were unreasonable about is apologising to her.

EmpressSoleil · 19/11/2023 16:20

Wfh is awful for this. I had a neighbour who knew I was wfh but would try and come over anyway. She just couldn't understand why I couldn't leave my work and sit talking to her for 2 hours!

This is why I prefer staying on more distant terms with people who live near me. Sometimes it would be nice to pop over to someone else for a cuppa (but that could well be annoying for them!) But I don't want to be visitor ready all the time.

It amazes me how rude people are. You told her you were busy yet she came anyway! At least you didn't make her a cuppa!

Mrgrinch · 19/11/2023 16:20

I really admire you for kicking her out. So many people on here would have wasted their planned day because they are too scared to be impolite when in fact, she was the one being extremely rude.

idealgift · 19/11/2023 16:20

I and speechless you didn’t say in response “yep, we are in but super visit. Let’s take a rain check” (although why you’d want to is another matter)

Job. Done.

Not - have her in and then start a mumsnet thread about it

idealgift · 19/11/2023 16:24

Hairyfairy01 · 19/11/2023 15:42

Maybe she really needed some kind of support or a kind ear from you?

Possibly but to not even allude to this being the case means it’s not wrong to not assume that she’s going through some inner turmoil. Rather than being bored and wanting tea

idealgift · 19/11/2023 16:26

are you usually around on a friday?

walkingintothefuture · 19/11/2023 16:31

Maybe she really needed some kind of support or a kind ear from you?

Maybe she did but she can wait until its convenient cant she? Bloody hell. Just because you have a problem, it doesnt mean random people you dont even know that well have to drop all of their busy plans just because you deem it necessary to listen to your problems. This person wasnt a close friend of the OPs, she was someone she didnt even know that well and she was honest that it wasnt a good time. Its rude as hell to just show up after someone has told you no and it shows a complete lack of respect and boundary trampling to just turn up when you've been told no. I'm so sick of this "be kind" crap when its never, ever reciprocated the other way is it? Maybe the OP didnt have the emotional bandwidth to deal with her problems right then because she was busy and in the middle of chores- did you ever consider that?!

Choccyp1g · 19/11/2023 16:36

I've got a few people who I might message on the off-chance for a meet up, but I am actually kind of pleased if they tell me it is not convenient!

It means I can ask anytime, and know that they only agree to meet when they really want to see me.

HappyMavis · 19/11/2023 16:52

Extraordinary level of problem neighbours on MN!

ArthurbellaScott · 19/11/2023 16:53

Wilkolampshade · 19/11/2023 15:19

No, not at all.
Used to have a neighbour like this.. She once popped up at the window and seeing we were at Sunday lunch with my elderly parents STILL knocked on the door for a 'won't stay long' cuppa..and there was the time WHILST I WAS IN THE BATH she just walked into my house. I called out 'in the bath!' and she still offered to come and chat sitting next to me on the loo..😳
Zero boundaries. ..

Wow. That is breathtakingly impressive CFery.

RosaMoline · 19/11/2023 16:55

I have a dear friend who does this. I love her to pieces, but it’s so annoying, especially when you’re trying to get ‘stuff done’
Her most recent ruse is to message me, saying she’s close by but needs a wee. Can she use my facilities? I then offer her a drink after she proclaims ‘oh I won’t stay long!’ but she then parks herself for 2 hours. She also sends me lengthy WhatsApp messages about her day or a movie/tv show she’s seen. I’ve actually muted her now as it’s beyond irritating.

Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 16:56

@idealgift No - but she saw the car there.

OP posts:
Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 16:57

@idealgift Just seen your other response. You probably don’t have this problem as you sound an utter delight!

OP posts:
Mikimoto · 19/11/2023 16:58

Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 15:27

@Wilkolampshade 😮😮😮😮 oh my god!! What is wrong with wine people?

There is NOTHING wrong with wine people!!!

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 19/11/2023 16:58

You're right, @walkingintothefuture , and the affronted huffing confirms it.

idealgift · 19/11/2023 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DriftingDora · 19/11/2023 16:59

WickedSerious · 19/11/2023 15:44

Maybe she needs a kidney.

😂😂 Love it! There's always one, isn't there? **

idealgift · 19/11/2023 16:59

Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 16:57

@idealgift Just seen your other response. You probably don’t have this problem as you sound an utter delight!

my other response being shocked that you allowed her in anyway?

isitshe · 19/11/2023 17:01

WickedSerious · 19/11/2023 15:44

Maybe she needs a kidney.

😂

Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 17:02

@idealgift Oh you’re one of them 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yes, I have no close friends just acquaintances. If they all act like my neighbour they’ll be no acquaintances soon …..

OP posts: