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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Telling someone you are too busy for a visit but they turned up anyway

310 replies

Minniliscious · 19/11/2023 15:10

Just wanting to get some more views on this as I am feeling really bad right now.

DH and I booked Friday as leave to get things done around the house etc …. Car battery had gone flat and DH arranged for a neighbour to help with this. I was decluttering and deep cleaning ready for Christmas and making cupcakes for DS Christmas fayre at school. Just very busy all day with planned stuff to do.

A neighbour that I bump into now and then (wouldn’t say we know each other that well but are friendly) text me to say that she was bored and could she pop round for a cuppa and a chat (she had seen the car outside). I text back “Sorry but really not convenient today! We’ve booked the day off to declutter etc but let me know when you’re next free” I forgot about it and just carried on. An hour later, there’s a knock at the door and it’s her! She was like “Hi put the kettle on you sound like you need a break” I asked if she had got my text and she went “yeah but you’re not out out, you’re around so I won’t stay long.” I really didn’t know what to say , I was speechless. We walked through to the kitchen, I put the kettle on but suddenly felt really irritated and said “actually I really can’t stop for a cuppa, this is the only day I have to get things done. I did tell you that?” So with that, she huffily got up and said she wish she’d hadn’t bothered! I ended up apologising to her and saying I’d be in touch.

The more I think about it though, I just can’t believe someone would have the audacity to even do that? Was I being unreasonable by practically throwing her out??

OP posts:
Minniliscious · 24/11/2023 18:34

@Radioshark 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣🤣🤣 I really wish she had decided not to have anything more to do with me. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to shake her off.

OP posts:
EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 24/11/2023 21:13

Minniliscious · 24/11/2023 18:34

@Radioshark 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣🤣🤣 I really wish she had decided not to have anything more to do with me. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to shake her off.

OP you might need to start actually being rude to her, she sounds unbelievably thick-skinned!

Readingineading · 25/11/2023 17:15

LylaLee · 19/11/2023 18:15

Did he apologize afterwards?

No, he was sheepish but didn't apologise ( actually, I never heard him apologise for anything, ever). But he did stop calling round uninvited.

flaxentoad · 26/11/2023 08:02

RidingMyBike · 24/11/2023 10:43

@flaxentoad the one holding forth had a very much alive but now retired husband who seemed to encourage her to be out of the house as much as possible!

😂

ToeJob · 08/12/2025 04:51

Rookiesboy · 20/11/2023 08:39

You were grumpy and that's understandable, but you were rather direct and actually rude. I'm sure if you could wind back time you'd say it differently. Well done for apologising, it was the right thing to do.

In hindsight you could have roped her in to helping with the declutter. ' Oh just hold this bag open while I put this rubbish in' she'll get bored after a bit, or might actually be useful.. Another strategy would be to whip off your clothes and answer the door in your dressing gown,and DH to do the same. That will send a message that you didn't want to be disturbed!

Easy to say I know, but hopefully next time will work out better.

You are ridiculous! What a shitty thing to say to the OP!

nomas · 08/12/2025 06:05

idealgift · 19/11/2023 17:09

and having read your multiple comments about having no friends at all - maybe i felt sorry for you 🤷‍♀️

Poor form to stalk people on other threads looking for things to use against them.

BMW6 · 08/12/2025 10:23

ToeJob · 08/12/2025 04:51

You are ridiculous! What a shitty thing to say to the OP!

Why have you resurrected a thread 2 years old?!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/12/2025 10:29

Hairyfairy01 · 19/11/2023 15:42

Maybe she really needed some kind of support or a kind ear from you?

I’m surprised nobody has yet mentioned that she might have ADHD or whatever, so that she can’t help being a royal PITA.

Goditsmemargaret · 08/12/2025 10:36

SM4713 · 19/11/2023 15:38

OP- You neighbour is my MIL, I'm sure of it.

MIL texted DH to say she was coming around- he said no, are doing XYZ. By the time he'd replied, she was in the driveway! Not only her, but random friends of hers we'd never met. All had come to have a tour of our house which we've been renovating! Some people are so rude!

Oh my goodness. You have either married my ex or his brother. This stuff pissed me off so much. It all came to a head when for a few weeks due to an office reaction we all had to work from home. She knocked on the door multiple times and if no answer walked in using the key for emergencies and yes brought friends one of the times. The bizarre thing was that even when I escorted them back to the front door she turned up again the next day as if it had never happened.

OP I applaud you. IRL I come across as being confident and assertive but really I had shit boundaries for many years and often found myself silently seething while another person uses me for free therapy. It's happened with tenants, staff etc and I would be smiling saying "now I'm sorry but I do need to get on with... " and them continuing with "yes I know you're busy, this won't take long... " I have improved massively mainly because I had no choice when running my own business after my DC were born.

ToeJob · 08/12/2025 14:53

BMW6 · 08/12/2025 10:23

Why have you resurrected a thread 2 years old?!

Because it came up in Similar Threads and I didn’t notice the date on it. Don’t worry, it’s only an old thread - no one died.

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