Telling someone you are too busy for a visit but they turned up anyway

[Minniliscious]

Just wanting to get some more views on this as I am feeling really bad right now.

DH and I booked Friday as leave to get things done around the house etc …. Car battery had gone flat and DH arranged for a neighbour to help with this. I was decluttering and deep cleaning ready for Christmas and making cupcakes for DS Christmas fayre at school. Just very busy all day with planned stuff to do.

A neighbour that I bump into now and then (wouldn’t say we know each other that well but are friendly) text me to say that she was bored and could she pop round for a cuppa and a chat (she had seen the car outside). I text back “Sorry but really not convenient today! We’ve booked the day off to declutter etc but let me know when you’re next free” I forgot about it and just carried on. An hour later, there’s a knock at the door and it’s her! She was like “Hi put the kettle on you sound like you need a break” I asked if she had got my text and she went “yeah but you’re not out out, you’re around so I won’t stay long.” I really didn’t know what to say , I was speechless. We walked through to the kitchen, I put the kettle on but suddenly felt really irritated and said “actually I really can’t stop for a cuppa, this is the only day I have to get things done. I did tell you that?” So with that, she huffily got up and said she wish she’d hadn’t bothered! I ended up apologising to her and saying I’d be in touch.

The more I think about it though, I just can’t believe someone would have the audacity to even do that? Was I being unreasonable by practically throwing her out??

@idealgift no the one where you asked why I started a thread about it. Isn’t that the point of MN?? Why are you even on here?

This sounds like my worst nightmare, I'd want to move!

@Mikimoto 🤣🤣🙈 Dam spell check!

you said you had no friends at all, close or otherwise.

and here you are criticising me for completely agreeing that this woman was unreasonable and indeed saying to the poster who said that she maybe needed you for support - don’t be daft!

my point was that i was baffled that your response was to let her in and start a thread about it rather than just a “no, as i say we are busy”

Oh god 🙈🙈 I’ve just realised that @idealgift might be my neighbour 😮😮

and having read your multiple comments about having no friends at all - maybe i felt sorry for you 🤷‍♀️

@idealgift no need to feel sorry for me but thank you 😀

Well done for throwing her out.

You were unreasonable to let her in!

I’m delighted you had the nouse to tell her no, how dare she say you sounded like you needed a break?! She isn’t a mate, she’s barely an acquaintance, with luck she’ll take a permanent huff.

You need to stop apologising to rude people and then worrying about it! SHE was rude first so she got exactly what she deserved. So, she huffed and puffed- so what? let her throw her little tantrum- the world isnt going to stop revolving. I dont imagine you're the first person to be sick of her shit and you wont be the last. Maybe if enough people started reinforcing their perfectly reasonable boundaries she'd have no choice but to learn to respect them.

Think of it as doing her a favour OP!

oh - ok but you seemed sad about it on the other thread but good to know

I won’t pop around again 😉

I think you've misunderstood @idealgift she was saying you shouldn't have let her in in the first place - which is what a few others have said.

@idealgift 🤣🤣

Sorry for the misunderstanding!

Why would you ever agreed to her popping around if all she does is talk about herself and you can't get a word in? Value your time!

no probs and cheers@Guesswho88

😄

She was being really cheeky. I wonder if she’s very lonely, or maybe struggles with social cues. Neither of those things make it your fault that she ignored your clear and polite message, but perhaps it explains it. I don’t think you were wrong to be firm that it wasn’t a good time.

I admire you for kicking her out! This happened to us in April as we were packing our house up for an international move just 2 days later. Someone kept messaging me to see me before we left country (not a good friend..just a casual acquaintance) I told her that I was sorry but I barely had time to spend with our kids. She showed up at our home. Home was completely in boxes and we were directing the moving company on what boxes for the shipping container. She stood in the middle of my living room with hands on hips and said..well if the mountain won't come to mohammad..mohammad will come to the mountain. My normally lovely husband told her to get out. That she was incredibly rude and we were busy as we told her. She then called our daughter crying..and needless to say she is now blocked.

YANBU and it's so refreshing to read about a Mumsnetter who didn't 'freeze', and couldn't say anything because they don't like 'confrontation'.

If she'd wanted support or a kind ear or had been having some kind of crisis that would have been one thing but she should have said that to the OP.

If someone had said to me they really needed help and support I'd drop everything for them. This is not what happened here. The neighbour just took the piss because she was bored and imposed herself on the OP and her OH. She assumed it suited the OP because it suited her.

To turn up when you've been explicitly told you're not welcome is unbelievably intrusive and entitled.

Cut her out of your life, she is not and never will be a proper friend. No boundaries, no self awareness and cannot read and comprehend a text message.

You were not wrong.

She is rude and simply couldn't care less whether it suited you or not.

She wanted an earhole, any earhole.

Take this opportunity to mute and archive her number.

I don’t answer the door in this type of situation. Certain types of people try to push boundaries if they need a listening ear.