To want to slap people who say 'it doesn't get any easier' than having toddler and baby.

[TwoBabas]

Not an actual slap as I don't condone violence, just a virtual one.

If I had a pound for every-time some smart arse has smugly told me 'it doesn't get any easier you know'. Grrrrrrrr. To put into context I had two under two with my second child being well let's just say 'spirited'. That little bundle of joy nearly cost me my sanity and the first year of his life and it was the most challenging experience of my life to date.

I have seen many mums-netters resorting to the dreaded sentence. A brutal response to a mother on the edge. And imagine my delight to be told it face to face many times too. Once by a local lady whilst shopping in the co-op. She was queuing with a bottle of wine in her hand and a half-pissed daft expression on her face. I at the time, had the two year old in the shopping trolley and the newborn hanging off me both children wailing in synchrony. She 'had teenagers' at home. Already showing me that in some way it will get easier as one day I might get to drink some wine again (without breastfeeding guilt) and that mine might also be at home locked in their bedrooms doing teenagery stuff whilst i'm schmoozing my way around the co-op wine aisle in peace. There's also that little thing called school, let's not forget. But obviously your kids being out the house 5 days a week is no easier than then being under your feet all day demanding every second of your time.
(In all seriousness I actually love my kids being little and at home with me but you get my drift)

More bearable would be 'it get's easier but it can get very hard again in peaks and waves'. I can accept that. Just. That is kinder and more TRUTHFUL than It NEVER gets any easier. Like everyday between newborn and 18 will be as draining and challenging as it is in the first few years. Pleeeease.

Ive heard there are golden years when they get a bit more independant and you can leave the house without taking a boot load of stuff with you.Im already on the cusp of that and I can feel it starting to get a bit earier. Granted teenagers are a pain in the arse and I know it might feel impossibly hard again in the future but just incase anyone out there is worried. It gets easier! It absolutely get easier. The middle part after toddler and before teen is easier I don't care who might say otherwise.

Now pass me the wine.

I've never had anyone say that to me, it's complete rubbish, of course it gets massively easier!

Depends.

I mean, I think you’re brave starting a thread like this as you’ll get a tonne of the numpties showing up to say ‘but it DOESNT get easier’, which will further fuck you off.

But I agree, and take it all with a pinch of salt. There are easier bits and harder bits about all stages. And there are easier babies and children, and harder ones. There’s also the particular sensitivities that we each have as parents.

I have one in the ‘golden years’ and one younger, and I say the golden bit is absolutely true. She is nowhere near as hard to deal with as she was as a baby, a couple of years ago even. Dare I say she is even quite reasonable and rational. In a couple more years I’m sure puberty issues will be kicking in, and I believe that the incredible challenges with many teens are real, in fact I’m fucking terrified! (Half joking). But to say they just get progressively harder is just stupid, unkind and patently untrue.

Depends completely on the DC. DS1 didn’t sleep through until he started school and was waking every 45 minutes at 10 months (and did so for at least six months). I nearly cried when someone told me these were the best times. Spoiler alert…for us they were NOT. Things are fab now that DS1 is 11.

I hated it when people said that when DS was an incredibly high needs baby. Once that first year was over it got so much easier and every year since has been easier still.

It does get easier.

It definitely gets easier. The baby and toddler stage was physically exhausting and psychologically difficult because of never really getting a break from being responsible. The teenage (and even young adult) years were emotionally tough too, but in a completely different way. That, at least in part, was because I had an abusive husband and I should have protected them better. I suspect without that, it would have been fairly straightforward.

I’m inclined to agree. It does get easier, depending on the kid obviously.

It changes ..wouldn't say it's easier just different....do miss the baby stage and the cute toddler stage so much. Saying that I've a child at primary and it's great as you can have actual conversations and get opinions back but it's challenging in other ways... my dsis says every stage as it's pros and cons...she very right...also every child is different...my dd was hell aged 3 but very easy baby and toddler...I've had mum friends who had awful baby and toddler age re lack of sleep and sailes through the age 3 years which tested me the most..

I found that the physical relentlessness of parenting did get easier and easier the older they got.

I have found the worries havent got easier though. If your child is very ill its as stressful at 16 as it is at 2.

It doesn't get easier. It gets different.

I agree. I can potentially understand how the emotional stress of a really difficult teenager when you are older yourself is exceptionally hard. And it’s obviously a completely different ball game if your kids are ND. But when people on here say an 8 year old is just as difficult as an 8 week old I do a hard eye roll. My 3.5 year old has never been an easy character but he is still much more straight forward to look after than my 4 month old, who is a relatively easy character. The 3 year old eats food, goes to the toilet, can sit and watch tv, can play with toys, sleeps through the night, doesn’t rely on a part of my body for all of his nutrition, can tell me roughly why he is upset and goes to pre school 3 days per week. My 4 month old is still completely and utterly helpless and requires me for everything, 24/7.

Again, depends on the DC. We are finding it much easier at 11 and 7 then we did at 4 and baby. It may get harder again, I have no delusions but god is it easier now than it was.

For the vast majority of people (not everyone- think SEN, special needs etc) it really DOES get so much easier.

I was out for pizza and ice cream with my 8yo and 11yo this evening, after back to back football and rugby matches. It was so nice… I looked at parents with preschoolers in the pizza place and whispered ‘God I feel bad for feeling so smug we are through that phase 😬’.

Mine weren’t even particularly tricky preschoolers. But oh the tedium… The lack of sleep… the lack of any personal physical or head space. I thought I enjoyed it at the time (and I sit and feel tearily reminiscent looking through older photos) but I can confidently say it gets easier.

Although we are getting a flavour of teenage angst from my 11yo and I am buckling myself in for the next bit.

You have your opinion, why can't other people have theirs?

I remember trying to breastfeed baby twins in public and some well meaning woman saying “ooh twins I heard they’re much easier than just the one baby”

I don’t know wtf she was on.

I’m assuming is gets easier on the basis that the sleep deprivation cannot get worse.

Ketamine or Valium would be my guess 🙈

That's you and you're experience but it wasn't mine.

At 11 we were just coming out of the cancer years for one and then we hit teenaged years and the other fell apart due to undiagnosed autism.

I completely agree with this. My daughter's teenage years nearly broke me. It was easier because l could do my own thing(and drink wine)..and much worse in many ways...mind you both my kids now nearly 30 it's definatly easier now.🤣

It’s easier in that I don’t have to take a buggy, milk and changes of clothes out with and also I can leave them at home unsupervised!

Emotionally, it’s much harder at the moment now they are all teens. I cry most days about various things going on with them all and sometimes I’d give anything to go back to when they were small and life was simple.
But then again, it’s very much child dependent and hoping they stay in good health and happy which is all you want for them.

Depends on the child.

Some situations are harder for us as he's got older, other situations are easier.

More bearable would be 'it get's easier but it can get very hard again in peaks and waves'. I can accept that. Just. That is kinder and more TRUTHFUL than It NEVER gets any easier.

I don’t know why you would only just find this bearable. It’s very true. It sounds like you just want everyone to say it gets easier and nothing else. Well welcome to the real world. It absolutely does go in peaks and waves for lots of people. Problems just evolve as they get older. One day you’re sleep deprived with a baby and one day you’re dealing with an emotional grumpy 12 year old and every other problem in between. And plenty more after that.

It gets much, much easier, if only because you get used to it and develop strategies that work for you. It's also easier once they understand negotiation, taking turns, playing with less supervision, not nearly dying every single time you take your eye off them....

People say a lot of stupid things.

I agree with this.
Yes it gets easier in the sense that they can get themselves dressed, fed and entertain themselves so you have more time to yourself, however the difficulties get much bigger and harder, and when dealing with teenagers/social media/bullying/hormones/anxiety you will wish for the days when problems could be sorted with a hug and a pack of chocolate buttons