To want to slap people who say 'it doesn't get any easier' than having toddler and baby.

[TwoBabas]

Not an actual slap as I don't condone violence, just a virtual one.

If I had a pound for every-time some smart arse has smugly told me 'it doesn't get any easier you know'. Grrrrrrrr. To put into context I had two under two with my second child being well let's just say 'spirited'. That little bundle of joy nearly cost me my sanity and the first year of his life and it was the most challenging experience of my life to date.

I have seen many mums-netters resorting to the dreaded sentence. A brutal response to a mother on the edge. And imagine my delight to be told it face to face many times too. Once by a local lady whilst shopping in the co-op. She was queuing with a bottle of wine in her hand and a half-pissed daft expression on her face. I at the time, had the two year old in the shopping trolley and the newborn hanging off me both children wailing in synchrony. She 'had teenagers' at home. Already showing me that in some way it will get easier as one day I might get to drink some wine again (without breastfeeding guilt) and that mine might also be at home locked in their bedrooms doing teenagery stuff whilst i'm schmoozing my way around the co-op wine aisle in peace. There's also that little thing called school, let's not forget. But obviously your kids being out the house 5 days a week is no easier than then being under your feet all day demanding every second of your time.
(In all seriousness I actually love my kids being little and at home with me but you get my drift)

More bearable would be 'it get's easier but it can get very hard again in peaks and waves'. I can accept that. Just. That is kinder and more TRUTHFUL than It NEVER gets any easier. Like everyday between newborn and 18 will be as draining and challenging as it is in the first few years. Pleeeease.

Ive heard there are golden years when they get a bit more independant and you can leave the house without taking a boot load of stuff with you.Im already on the cusp of that and I can feel it starting to get a bit earier. Granted teenagers are a pain in the arse and I know it might feel impossibly hard again in the future but just incase anyone out there is worried. It gets easier! It absolutely get easier. The middle part after toddler and before teen is easier I don't care who might say otherwise.

Now pass me the wine.

One of mine was a really difficult teenager , still easier than babies and toddlers . Unless your teen has serious mh issues or disabilities that mean they can't go to school and can't be left alone ever then of course it's easier

It’s clearly true for some people but I think it’s generally not true for the majority of people.

Whether it’s true or not, what’s the point in saying it to someone who’s clearly having a tough time?

Well it definitely got easier for me. Admittedly I only have one child though and I've been lucky there hasn't been any drama with him. He's 15 and I don't really see much of him, he's either in his room or out!

Again, you can only speak for your experience.
Others can determine for themselves what's true for them, and a whole host of factors come into play.

The second they get themselves up and turn on their own iPads and get their own snacks everything becomes MUCH easier because you're not so tired. I think that's around 4.

It depends a lot on the parent, too. I hate repetition and thrive on novelty, so the baby years were really hard for me - that endless grind! I'd much prefer to negotiate difficult teen emotions.

Mine are 5 and 7 and they are dead easy, no trouble at all. They basically just play and eat, sleep 8-7 and Monday-Friday they skip off to school for 6 hours.

Yeah that's bullshit IMHO. It HAS to be, we have three under five and basically haven't slept, had any time alone or not had to flinch as one or other baby takes a tumble since 2019.

I suspect they are the kind of people who just never listen to anyone else, so when their kids are little they just put any upset down to temper tantrums/wanting attention, and get on with their day. It bites them in the arse then when the kids hit the teenage years and are finally articulate enough to argue back.

I found a couple of years of the "teenage time". to be a nightmare...they can be awkward and troublesome.😳

But, babies and toddlers are hard work too, at times, so it depends on the kids really.

We never stop worrying about our children - even when they're in their 40's lol 😉

It does get easier, it is relentless when they are completely relient on you, mine are now at school/pre school and I have 3 hours a week completely to myself aswell, for me the first few years of parenting my eldest was hell really, was far easier with my second so definitely depends on the child too!

Different ages have different challenges. Physically it gets easier. The rest gets more difficult.

In my experience 4-11 was the easiest stage. But I don't understand why people enjoy making others feel a bit crap. If the op's struggling she's struggling. Surely 'friends/family' saying it's going to get worse isn't helpful!!

In my experience it’s a load of bollocks. My eldest is just turning fifteen, he’s a lazy bugger at times and we often don’t see him, but he’s pretty easy. At the age of two he was prone to throwing himself to the ground at supermarkets. This has stopped. He even looks after my nine year old daughter for a bit (looking after possibly the wrong term, he’s there if something dreadful happens), so that is easier too.

I recall those days though, I think I knew then these people were going talking crap, because there’s nothing more unreasonable than an irate toddler.

I guess if your teenager goes way off the rails it’s worse, but most teens I know haven’t done that. I work with later teens and they are ridiculously sensible, more so than me.

So hang in there, as soon as you hit school it does start to fly by, then one day you’ll have a sensible pleasant teen. And wine.

It gets physically easier, but IMO 12 onwards has been way harder than when they were little. Bullying, managing their mental health, exams, friendships etc are way harder than broken nights and breastfeeding, and I have 4 very close in age and no help so the baby years were far from easy.

See I hate being told it gets easier as they get older as mine have disabilities and it was definitely much much easier when they were babies/toddlers!!!

Agree. A comment from my next door neighbour along these lines when my first was 10 days old contributed to my PND. It's easy to forget how brutal sleep deprivation can be.

I found having a baby and toddler the worse. it really was horrendous, I would never never go back to those days. it broke me.

DC 1 is ND so has not been an easy ride throughout, with lots camhs involvement, self-harming, anxiety, being bullied etc....

But life was still easier than having a baby and toddler.

DC are now 21 and 19.

I think at the end if the day, it has everything to do with your personality and your DC personality. I've been on here long enough to see this discussion come up time and time again, and the conclusions are usually people who find babies and toddlers easy, struggle with the teen teen years. those who struggled through the toddler and baby years seem to find the teen years easier. 🤷‍♀️

Everyone has different strengths and weakness.

Well mine are 9 and 5 and it is WAY easier than the baby / toddler stage. It's a dream in fact.

It doesn't always get easier, so I think OP is BU to insist it does.

This sort of thread just seems to stir up division and misery top trumps.

People do say things that you find annoying, or which may not be true for every single family.

My 9 and 7 year old are infinitely easier than the 2 under 2 stage - I mean… cmon…. surely no one thinks it stays that hard?

that’s not to dismiss the teenage angst and worry that I’m sure I’ll face. But the early sleep deprivation is torture.

In my experience those that breezed the baby stage had an entourage of family help and didn’t really get how having to deal with it every single day was the draining bit.

Of course it gets easier. I have dc8 and dc4. Much easier than the baby toddler years. Yes of course we will hit tween and teen issues...but there is always boarding school*

*I can't afford and would not do this but you know, nice to have a dream back up plan when they're being horrid.

I totally get where you're coming from and have sympathy for your situation, but I think it's obviously very different for children who are disabled, no one is denying that that could very well mean it gets harder as they get older. But if the child isnt disabled or have any SEN, on the whole I think it's a majority opinion that a 7 year old is usually easier to care for than a 2 year old, and it's more enjoyable.

I've got older primary children and I don't think it does get any easier.

I think it's just different. You get different challenges. I wouldn't say any stage is particularly easy. Maybe less physically demanding but not emotionally.

Yes I get what you’re saying, I just mean I always get told it gets easier as if it’s a given for everyone. Life is much harder and I miss the baby and toddler stage as it seemed minor in comparison (mine still won’t sleep so even that isn’t something that has improved with age) but I can see how it gets easier for others.