To want to slap people who say 'it doesn't get any easier' than having toddler and baby.

[TwoBabas]

Not an actual slap as I don't condone violence, just a virtual one.

If I had a pound for every-time some smart arse has smugly told me 'it doesn't get any easier you know'. Grrrrrrrr. To put into context I had two under two with my second child being well let's just say 'spirited'. That little bundle of joy nearly cost me my sanity and the first year of his life and it was the most challenging experience of my life to date.

I have seen many mums-netters resorting to the dreaded sentence. A brutal response to a mother on the edge. And imagine my delight to be told it face to face many times too. Once by a local lady whilst shopping in the co-op. She was queuing with a bottle of wine in her hand and a half-pissed daft expression on her face. I at the time, had the two year old in the shopping trolley and the newborn hanging off me both children wailing in synchrony. She 'had teenagers' at home. Already showing me that in some way it will get easier as one day I might get to drink some wine again (without breastfeeding guilt) and that mine might also be at home locked in their bedrooms doing teenagery stuff whilst i'm schmoozing my way around the co-op wine aisle in peace. There's also that little thing called school, let's not forget. But obviously your kids being out the house 5 days a week is no easier than then being under your feet all day demanding every second of your time.
(In all seriousness I actually love my kids being little and at home with me but you get my drift)

More bearable would be 'it get's easier but it can get very hard again in peaks and waves'. I can accept that. Just. That is kinder and more TRUTHFUL than It NEVER gets any easier. Like everyday between newborn and 18 will be as draining and challenging as it is in the first few years. Pleeeease.

Ive heard there are golden years when they get a bit more independant and you can leave the house without taking a boot load of stuff with you.Im already on the cusp of that and I can feel it starting to get a bit earier. Granted teenagers are a pain in the arse and I know it might feel impossibly hard again in the future but just incase anyone out there is worried. It gets easier! It absolutely get easier. The middle part after toddler and before teen is easier I don't care who might say otherwise.

Now pass me the wine.

I'll tell my friend with the suicidal depressed teen that it's easier to parent now than when the kids were small.

It doesn't get easier, it just gets different.

I think context matters. Telling anyone struggling that things won’t get better is just not helpful even if for you it’s true. The OP describes trying to deal with two of her young children crying in public. I don’t get all these replies about it being a valid opinion and not personal etc. She wasn’t asking. You don’t have to share every opinion you have with strangers.

It gets easier until you have a problematic teenager!

I had two under two OP, really hard work, but totally worth it. Yes it does get easier. For one thing you get your sleep back, but… different issues come with the different phases. Teenagers are a whole different ballgame. But just try to enjoy them while they little, they grow up so quick.

Fernsfernsferns · Yesterday 08:38

Your post above was utter bullshit and goes against everything we’ve been told by psychiatrists, psychotherapists, family therapists and Anorexia specialists.

Anorexia and EDS are very common with neurodiverse girls, so much so Maudsley now screen for it before treatment. ND girls often go undiagnosed for far too long and struggle to cope in a NT world. Autism is a disability and not something that is caused by bad parenting. Recovery from entrenched Anorexia which my ND dd has is not down to parenting either. The default treatment of FBT often doesn’t work with ND patients but it’s often all families are stuck with causing trauma for all.

We’ve had years of living with this and have done everything professionals have suggested. We’ve had masses of therapy processing the very fact none of this was our/my fault which every professional we’ve come across has been at pains to reiterate. What caused my dd’s anorexia was an undiagnosed ND girl struggling with ASC, ADHD and EPUD in a NT world. What has elongated it is a lack of appropriate treatment which is known to be an issue everywhere and something CAMHS are working on,not my parenting so bore off with your amateur armchair theories.

10, 6 and 4 y/o here, it does get easier. At this stage, I’m not sleep deprived and have a bit of my own life back again, meaning I can cope with parenting challenges better than before. Baby and toddler stage, although cute, is difficult because you’re so darn tired.

Having adult children is lovely. No less worry - but it's a different worry to having dependant children. And now they are starting to worry about me back lol.

It does get easier overall. They don't need you with the same intensity as a baby but there can be hard phases too.

You're at the hardest part, 2 under 2 is a complete car crash of exhaustion. It gets much easier. One day they will be able to sleep on their own, just imagine

It goes easier for me, definitely. I’ve got 2 teens and neither have given me any trouble, very respectful and polite. I can do my own thing now and have been able to for a few years now. The baby years were the hardest for me

I think OP has abandoned this thread while everyone is shouting at each other. But the baseline is that for most people parenting older primary age kids is SO much easier than babies and toddlers - they sleep, they go to the toilet, they can do things independently. Teenage years, it depends on luck, we’re only early teenage here, and it’s still absolutely fine so fingers crossed!
Obviously some families get hit with physical or mental illness, bullying etc. or have challenges from high needs ND kids and that can.be awful but it’s not a universal thing - for most people unless they had very chilled babies and toddlers it does get easier, not ‘just different’, with older kids.

It definitely does get easier. You’ll sleep far better in the future for starters. We had five years of not being able to sleep and it pretty nearly broke me. I sleep loads these days! (Kids are 8 and 10)

I still think different is a better word than easier.

100% agree with you.

I don't think that's true at all. My mum has bad MH issues and grew up in a loving household, her brother and sister are completely fine.