To want to slap people who say 'it doesn't get any easier' than having toddler and baby.

[TwoBabas]

Not an actual slap as I don't condone violence, just a virtual one.

If I had a pound for every-time some smart arse has smugly told me 'it doesn't get any easier you know'. Grrrrrrrr. To put into context I had two under two with my second child being well let's just say 'spirited'. That little bundle of joy nearly cost me my sanity and the first year of his life and it was the most challenging experience of my life to date.

I have seen many mums-netters resorting to the dreaded sentence. A brutal response to a mother on the edge. And imagine my delight to be told it face to face many times too. Once by a local lady whilst shopping in the co-op. She was queuing with a bottle of wine in her hand and a half-pissed daft expression on her face. I at the time, had the two year old in the shopping trolley and the newborn hanging off me both children wailing in synchrony. She 'had teenagers' at home. Already showing me that in some way it will get easier as one day I might get to drink some wine again (without breastfeeding guilt) and that mine might also be at home locked in their bedrooms doing teenagery stuff whilst i'm schmoozing my way around the co-op wine aisle in peace. There's also that little thing called school, let's not forget. But obviously your kids being out the house 5 days a week is no easier than then being under your feet all day demanding every second of your time.
(In all seriousness I actually love my kids being little and at home with me but you get my drift)

More bearable would be 'it get's easier but it can get very hard again in peaks and waves'. I can accept that. Just. That is kinder and more TRUTHFUL than It NEVER gets any easier. Like everyday between newborn and 18 will be as draining and challenging as it is in the first few years. Pleeeease.

Ive heard there are golden years when they get a bit more independant and you can leave the house without taking a boot load of stuff with you.Im already on the cusp of that and I can feel it starting to get a bit earier. Granted teenagers are a pain in the arse and I know it might feel impossibly hard again in the future but just incase anyone out there is worried. It gets easier! It absolutely get easier. The middle part after toddler and before teen is easier I don't care who might say otherwise.

Now pass me the wine.

Maybe I'm still in the midst of it with a 2 & 4 year old but since both my children were born, it's got different, not necessarily easier. I might change my mind when they're 8&10 but for now, it's not easier.

I think people look back with fondness on the early years, babies can be hellish but also they're cute as anything...you just sort of remember the cuteness and not the mind numbing, sleep deprived, total dependence bit.

It gets physically easier doesn't mean it does mentally. The challenges change.

I was sitting on the sofa eating pizza and watching strictly with my 10 year old earlier than she went and had a shower BY HERSELF and went to bed with no fuss. Blows my mind that people find this as hard as babies/toddlers.

Caveat: I stopped at one (mainly because of the baby bit tbh.)

Because telling someone who is struggling massively that that's the best it's going to get for 18 years is an incredibly twatty thing to do.

100% agree, hence it depends. For us the ASD diagnosis came at 7 and has helped so I really hope yours does too.

And those that joke, 'well you can't put it back!' Or it gets better when they're 18!

Yes I hated it when I had a newborn and PND and was horribly sleep deprived.

I can't imagine having 2 children so kudos to you OP but I can wholeheartedly say that it does get better and mine is 3 now.

I don't know yet as my DD is still a baby, but I read somewhere, maybe on here actually, that people with teenagers who say this are usually (obviously not always) so far past that stage that they've forgotten the tedium/sleep deprivation/physical exhaustion of always being needed.
I don't know, but I'm looking forward to being able to sleep in again, read a book in peace and eat a meal in a restaurant without being on edge!

I would say the physical exhaustion gets much better as they get older. The worries change, teen years with all that can bring where you don't know where or what they're doing can make you long for the days when they were safely tucked up in their beds at night. Supervising a learner driver is very stressful but not as bad as waving them off after they have passed. I'm now at the stage when they have left home, yes thats easier.

It absolutely gets easier, and easier. I had two 2 years apart.
The first three years were incredibly tough. As they got older there were challenges but the day to day stuff was never on that demanding level of baby and toddler.
After age 4 it just got easier, fun more than hard work, teenage years were a joy. So no, yanbu

Depends on the baby, depends on the teenager. But generally, little children little problems, big children big problems.

In my experience the challenges change but are also a lot easier to deal with when you get some kind of time back

I used to hate the 'cherish every minute they get old so quickly' wankers when my baby was screaming. One day I went into our hardware shop and the chap said 'flipping heck I don't miss those days' and I nearly kissed him.

It's the banal sayings which people think are nice or meaningless but actually can really hurt if you are feeling a bit shit already.

It get's different - honestly the early mornings and sleepless nights stop and that makes everything else bearable

I had 2 under 2 OP and second baby was a 24 hour crier so it was awful - she didn't sleep through until she was at school - dd1 was 7-7 from 8 weeks!

So yes a lot of the exhausting, life shattering shit stops - but emotionally I think they may even need you more from 13-20 (and in DD1's case 21+) but it evolves into a more equal relationship and at least you can actually talk to them!

So it does get better - all the drudgery, tiredness, clambering on you, having to make them food and facilitate their social lives - that goes

It does get easier than the baby/toddler years. My absolutely best years were when I had all 3 in primary school together.
Unfortunately, it gets harder than ever before once they are teenagers. My kids are great, but letting them go and not always knowing where they are/what they are doing/who they are with is another level. I just have to trust I've helped them to be able to make good decisions.
I'd love to have them all small again, home and tucked up in bed before 8pm! I won't properly sleep tonight until I've heard the front door close after the last one is home.
Whilst they are small and all yours, cherish those times!

Unsurprisingly I agree with @VivaVivaa

I do also think there’s a tendency for people to behave as if all teenagers are horrendous, and they really aren’t.

This, basically.

I would honestly have wished to have a 2 year old and a newborn when my autistic one was being bullied to the point of serious suicide attempts that nearly succeeded.

It was much easier having babies than going through that in the middle of a divorce and with my eldest just over their treatment.

Although I will add, you may, on occasion, find yourself driving around your local area in your nighty at 3am trying to locate an 18 year old who had left the club 2 hours before and not arrived home - do not expect gratitude when you find them!

Agree OP.

The point is when you are talking to a totally exhausted mum of very young children, who has not slept unbroken for a year, and never has a moment to herself, the aspects that are driving her to the end of her tether will definitely get better and probably quite fast.

There is something quite sadistic about suggesting otherwise....it's like saying 'no, there is no hope/ no light at the end of the tunnel' to somebody who is suffering... even when clearly there is.

I had 3 under 4 and had this all the time, particularly from my sil. Used to drive me absolutely mad and for me it was absolute rubbish. It progressively and quickly got SO much easier!

I always think the people who say this must have abnormally placid babies and toddlers, and abnormally vile older children. Mine are 19, 17 and 10, and it's pretty much just got easier, with the odd crisis which is an inevitable part of life.

It does get easier!! But it also is hard in different ways, I’ve two teens in the house now and is terrifying letting them out on their own, we have to have uncomfortable talks, nag about studying etc, plus easier for them to just say no! People who say it doesn’t get easier are idiots though!!

Of course it fucking well gets easier. Even tho my second has adhd and autism (which didn’t really show when he was tiny) it still got much easier when they were older, like 8yo and 10yo for example was not hard at all. Ds was in special school and doing much better than we could have expected. Of course there were many many ups and downs along the way too!

He is now on cusp of adulthood so teenage years nearly over, and yes, even teenage years with special needs have been easier than those very early days.
ds is off his meds right now (due to shortages) and therefore totally wired! Even so I was only thinking earlier today how hard it was back in the day, certainly harder than now despite the current challenges!!!

I agree with you OP. As many have said, it all depends on the baby/toddler/tween/teen, but generally it gets easier (and it might well get hard again - but I'm not there yet).

DS1 high needs baby, DS2 extremely challenging toddler. They are now 7 and 4, and DD is 1. Don't regret her for a moment but I do think about how much easier life would be if we finished at 2, now that I can leave them alone for me to have a shower, put away washing, have a cuppa etc. I'm totally over the sleepless nights and running around after a strong-willed toddler! It's a relentless, exhausting fog at times.

I found it tough with a baby and toddler with a fairly small age gap. For me it definitely has got easier! I’m sure the teenage years which are fast approaching will be testing, but right now the stage is amazing and much easier. They do as they’re told most of the time and we have fun. Of course there are challenges, but it is miles easier now than when I had a baby and a toddler. So hold on to that hope!