To want to slap people who say 'it doesn't get any easier' than having toddler and baby.

[TwoBabas]

Not an actual slap as I don't condone violence, just a virtual one.

If I had a pound for every-time some smart arse has smugly told me 'it doesn't get any easier you know'. Grrrrrrrr. To put into context I had two under two with my second child being well let's just say 'spirited'. That little bundle of joy nearly cost me my sanity and the first year of his life and it was the most challenging experience of my life to date.

I have seen many mums-netters resorting to the dreaded sentence. A brutal response to a mother on the edge. And imagine my delight to be told it face to face many times too. Once by a local lady whilst shopping in the co-op. She was queuing with a bottle of wine in her hand and a half-pissed daft expression on her face. I at the time, had the two year old in the shopping trolley and the newborn hanging off me both children wailing in synchrony. She 'had teenagers' at home. Already showing me that in some way it will get easier as one day I might get to drink some wine again (without breastfeeding guilt) and that mine might also be at home locked in their bedrooms doing teenagery stuff whilst i'm schmoozing my way around the co-op wine aisle in peace. There's also that little thing called school, let's not forget. But obviously your kids being out the house 5 days a week is no easier than then being under your feet all day demanding every second of your time.
(In all seriousness I actually love my kids being little and at home with me but you get my drift)

More bearable would be 'it get's easier but it can get very hard again in peaks and waves'. I can accept that. Just. That is kinder and more TRUTHFUL than It NEVER gets any easier. Like everyday between newborn and 18 will be as draining and challenging as it is in the first few years. Pleeeease.

Ive heard there are golden years when they get a bit more independant and you can leave the house without taking a boot load of stuff with you.Im already on the cusp of that and I can feel it starting to get a bit earier. Granted teenagers are a pain in the arse and I know it might feel impossibly hard again in the future but just incase anyone out there is worried. It gets easier! It absolutely get easier. The middle part after toddler and before teen is easier I don't care who might say otherwise.

Now pass me the wine.

It doesn't get easier, as other posters say it gets different. At under two, their problems are usually small and you can fix them. Sleep deprivation is no joke and the mundanity is draining. But most problems can be solved with a cuddle, a biscuit and a trip to the playground. When they go to school, you have more time but also more problems. Being bullied or being a bully, unexpected SEN diagnoses, social issues, academic problems. Their world is bigger and so are the problems, and heartbreakingly you discover that some are so big that you can't fix them.

So, yes, it gets easier in some ways and more difficult in others. But let's just say, I never really understood the term "parenthood is the hardest job you'll ever do" until mine started school. Your experience may well be different and I hope it is ☺️

Only my own experience, but with two teens, one with ASD, one with ADHD, it still gets massively easier.
I don't get punched, kicked and spat at any more, as I did when they were little. In fact, they're a positive delight to be with.

I think it varies.

Yes, babies can be difficult and demanding but not all are, some teenagers can be challenging but not all are, sometimes adult children can present parents with concerns but not all do.
I am extremely old in MN years and have friends who have had real difficulties at different stages. I had a non-sleeping, mentally active baby/toddler and really struggled then.

Mine were relatively easy teenagers, although they had occasional blips, but some friends had many sleepless nights with theirs.

One friend has ended up raising grandchildren because of terrible issues with an adult child
Ultimately I think we all hope it gets easier and it usually does but nothing is guaranteed

YANBU. I think it gets easier every month! My son at three is a DODDLE compared to his babyhood!

I think people forget the absolute brutality of sleep deprivation and the absolute boredom of forcing yourself to play with little kids. I tried. I really did. I hated pretending I was at a tea party and 'looking' incessantly at them diving everywhere.

Mine are 20, 16 & 12 now and I am so COCK A HOOP the baby/toddler days are over. If DH tries to interrupt/get my attention now when I'm concentrating it brings out some repressed rage that I'm sure is from those early days where you couldn't even shit without being interrupted. I haven't got easy teenagers at all but life just isn't as irritating as it was back then. Sympathies OP

It gets physically easier. Once your youngest is about 3 suddenly you realise the sleep/milk/nappies/buggies/crying/lifting/carrying bit is over.

Parenting gets harder in some ways but not so physically intense or tiring, and you're able to do more easy or enjoyable stuff too.

Ds (3 next month) might have small problems, but his reaction to said problems generally isn’t small!

He is fairly easy in many ways these days and I’m getting a glimpse of a life where things aren’t so gruelling. Things are lovely too, don’t get me wrong, and I do have a great deal of affection for these days. But it is hard, hard work.

I’ve talked about this on another thread, but these are my thoughts.

Saying anything negative to a mum having a hard time isn’t helpful. So in your example, if I saw someone with a toddler and baby having a hard time, no way would I say, ‘it never gets easier.’ Because that’s just not helpful. I’d say something kind.

That said. I have 3 kids. A teenager, a tween and a toddler. This is what I have learned:

Whether things are ‘hard’ at any particular stage depends on many things: the type of baby/child, your partner (or not) any other kids, your own personal circumstances at the time, eg money or job worries etc.

Yes, when you can leave the children downstairs knowing that no one will drink bleach or climb on top of the work surface it is a happy day indeed. ‘Easier’ than parenting a toddler in that moment.

Older children can and do have complex needs and difficulties, and when your child has gone through a really difficult time, some people would go back to having a difficult baby in a flash if it meant they wouldn’t have to deal with some quite serious issues later on.

Physically, babies and toddlers are hard work. The physical lifting, changing, sitting on the floor.

Emotionally, pre schoolers, young children, tweens, teens can all be hard work. It just depends.

Honestly? Having been a parent for nearly 15 years it is hard. But the joy it brings us also amazing.

Definitely gets easier.. for me anyway, I hated the baby stage. Toddlers are more full on and into everything, but you get to recover at night when they go to sleep 🤣 for most people anyway x

I remember seeing comments like that when mine were newborn and 2 and it made me practically suicidal. Mine are 6 and 8 and it is incomparably easier. Maybe it’ll get hard again when they’re older but I get to sleep, to work and to have a life outside child rearing. Mind you I’m pregnant again so I’m going to be going through it all again (hopefully).

Some people are stupid who cares what they think. That woman in the supermarket was obviously a drunk.

I do think when people make comments like that they don’t realise the effect it can have when someone is really struggling. We all need a bit of hope!

I’ve had 5. So in adulthood with 2 of them. It gets physically easier but I would do anything to get back to the physically hard early years as the mental pains later on are so hard.
At least with little ones you know the are safe and the exhaustion of them is finite.
I’m in a situation where I have just realised (literally this evening) that I will feel worry and pain for the rest of my life over my children (or a couple of them) and it could break me if I don’t manage to separate myself more.
Don’t judge that mum at the supermarket may be, under her jocular tone, suffering far worse than you could possibly know and yes, you are in the easiest bit. Almost certainly.

It does get easier. Around 5-10 are usually the easiest years. I think it's nature's way of giving us a break before it gets bad again! And regardless of all the problems teenagers bring, you generally get more sleep than when they are babies which always helps.

Nobody can ever come up with a definitive answer to this, because everything depends on the kind of baby/toddler/tween/teen that you have - and also, what type of parent you are/how many DCs you have at different stages.

I had DS1 on my own, and he was 12 when I had my 2nd.

I was fine with the baby stage with my 2nd. I don't sleep much myself, so night wakings weren't an issue really.
When my 3rd arrived 19 months later, I had a toddler to deal with. I didn't enjoy the toddler stage at all, so it impacted on my ability to enjoy DC2's baby stage.

DS1 was a fantastically easy tween, and gave me no trouble whatsoever as a teen.
DS2 was a very 'challenging' toddler, and I found that really difficult. He's now 16, and hasn't given me a moment's bother for years.
DD1 was a very 'easy' baby/toddler/tween - she's 14 now, and is beginning to challenge me as a parent.

There's no answer.

In my experience though, I'm loving the teen years best. I adore watching their developing personalities, their enthusiasm for the world, and their growing minds.
I'm a much better parent to teenagers than I ever was to toddlers.

OP, it's hard for a bit longer and then it's easy for awhile! You're bossing it

But a lot more expensive if they are like mine! I'm currently saving for a deposit for my daughter 😬

I think the point is that if a new mum comes on here desperately struggling with parenting a small baby, it seems insensitive to post a response saying it gets worse. That mum wants words of support.

Of course it gets easier! I had two in two years. I have a child with SEN who cannot do things his peers can and even still it is easier when they are older!

Today my 10YO made lunch for the three of us. My 8YO has been happy to entertain himself most of the day. They feed themselves and wipe their own arses. Brush their own teeth and take a shower by themselves. They are both asleep now and will sleep until at least 7am tomorrow. They can talk to me about what they want and need. Life is not without its challenges, difficult times or tears. They are still like a bottomless money sucking vortex. But they are without a doubt easier than when they were 2 and a newborn!

So many people say it so I expect it must be true!!!

I loved the baby years, I slept in 90 minute stints for 5 years (2 non sleeping DC) but most things could be fixed by me whipping a boob out!
Once they started school it was really, really hard for 6 weeks, then ok for 6 weeks… and repeat. But my DC weren’t on the same schedule so there was always someone going through a “phase”.
Now one is in high school it’s changed again and the emotional side can be so difficult. You want to take on the world and protect them but you can’t. I would say I’m less tired physically but mentally I’ve never been so tightly wound but they go to bed at 9 and I know I can have my own time and not see them until 7am, plans are so much easier because they just slot in, if I need an hour to go somewhere they can stay at home.

This. And older kids and teenagers are obviously able to entertain themselves but still take up a lot of time just in a different way. Theres all the dropping off /collecting etc. your evenings just aren't your own anymore. Mine seem to really enjoy telling you some indepth, complex friendship tale at 10.37pm. Arrghhhhhhhhh I want to go to sleep but of course I want to listen to you......so there is always a new challenge in this fun game of parenting.

I sometimes long for the simpler times when mine were little! Mine are 11 and 16. In some ways it is easier, in other ways it is harder.

Just as an example you say 'school' as making life easier but in many ways it makes life harder!

YANBU. Completely agree with you.

The sleep deprivation of the early years was utter hell. Parenting is still difficult but not on the same level.

People who say it doesn't get easier either had easy babies who slept well or they have conveniently forgotten all about it.

Another thing which gets easier is not having to deal with nappies or potty training.

Getting funded childcare hours and then sending them to school which means child-free time you don't have to pay for. (And yes covering childcare in the holidays is a PITA if you work but still cheaper overall than having to pay for childcare before they start school/preschool.)