To want to slap people who say 'it doesn't get any easier' than having toddler and baby.

[TwoBabas]

Not an actual slap as I don't condone violence, just a virtual one.

If I had a pound for every-time some smart arse has smugly told me 'it doesn't get any easier you know'. Grrrrrrrr. To put into context I had two under two with my second child being well let's just say 'spirited'. That little bundle of joy nearly cost me my sanity and the first year of his life and it was the most challenging experience of my life to date.

I have seen many mums-netters resorting to the dreaded sentence. A brutal response to a mother on the edge. And imagine my delight to be told it face to face many times too. Once by a local lady whilst shopping in the co-op. She was queuing with a bottle of wine in her hand and a half-pissed daft expression on her face. I at the time, had the two year old in the shopping trolley and the newborn hanging off me both children wailing in synchrony. She 'had teenagers' at home. Already showing me that in some way it will get easier as one day I might get to drink some wine again (without breastfeeding guilt) and that mine might also be at home locked in their bedrooms doing teenagery stuff whilst i'm schmoozing my way around the co-op wine aisle in peace. There's also that little thing called school, let's not forget. But obviously your kids being out the house 5 days a week is no easier than then being under your feet all day demanding every second of your time.
(In all seriousness I actually love my kids being little and at home with me but you get my drift)

More bearable would be 'it get's easier but it can get very hard again in peaks and waves'. I can accept that. Just. That is kinder and more TRUTHFUL than It NEVER gets any easier. Like everyday between newborn and 18 will be as draining and challenging as it is in the first few years. Pleeeease.

Ive heard there are golden years when they get a bit more independant and you can leave the house without taking a boot load of stuff with you.Im already on the cusp of that and I can feel it starting to get a bit earier. Granted teenagers are a pain in the arse and I know it might feel impossibly hard again in the future but just incase anyone out there is worried. It gets easier! It absolutely get easier. The middle part after toddler and before teen is easier I don't care who might say otherwise.

Now pass me the wine.

YANBU - I had this a lot too when my two under 2 were baby and toddler and it was the hardest time of my life (and we’d gone through infertility and ivf!).

They're now 4 & 5 with one at school and it’s so much easier than before! They will go off and play, can help tidy up and we can watch a film snuggled up and relax a bit!
yep they still drive me crazy sometimes with arguing but it’s so much easier.
I don’t know how hard the teenage years will be but they will at least be independent and I will have peace sometimes whereas the baby years are them attached to you constantly as well as lack of sleep.

Ignore the unhelpful comments - if you’ve not had 2 under 2, you can’t know how much your head is going to explode some days!

16 months between my older two. It did get better - once they were teenagers. But then they conspired against me. Now that they're adults it's all good, but fuck, I think I deserve a medal for surviving it. We had a third as a result of VR. I think it was partly because I wanted to experience the relative calm of raising a small child on their own, something I'd not had the chance to before. DD3 is now 14, and worships her older siblings, aged 23 and 24. All is good now.

It gets soooo much easier.
I really believe that people who say it doesn't have just forgotten how tough those years were!

YANBU My kids are 19, 17 and 12 and 0-2 was the worst by a long shot.

I think it’s good you have such optimism and hope that it will get easier for you. It’s necessary to survive motherhood to have a positive outlook on the future. You might get lucky.

Other mums are likely being truthful when they say it never gets easier. It doesn’t get easier for everyone, it’s important you hear this too in case you are unlucky. The last feeling you need if it doesn’t get easier is that you have failed in some way because you think it should get easier. It might not.

Haven’t read all the replies but I have 3 DC and I can definitely confirm it’s so much easier ! They are 12, 14 & 16. Yes it’s not all a bed of roses at times but god so much easier !!

I used to hate people who said Small kids - small problems. Big kids - big problems.

mine are all at school age now. It doesn’t get any harder than a baby and a toddler unless you get pregnant straight away again or something 🤣

It’s so hard and it definitely gets much easier. Everything easier when your not tired for starters.

OP I only have one but it definitely does get easier! A million percent.

Of course it gets easier
I mean I was lucky enough to plan kids with a bigger age gap than yours, and I truly want to throttle my teenagers regularly
But yes it's easier

It gets much much easier. For example, I currently have an 17 year old currently out with friends, 13 year old at sleepover and the 11
year old has a friend sleeping here… ( I won’t see them for much of the morning tomorrow either though as they will sort own breakfast and then head out to the park nearby).

So, it’s definitely an easy Saturday night here. Even when they are all at home they all sleep much more than they did as young children, which makes all the difference in the world, they dress themselves, they can prepare their own food (and make me cups of tea 😁)

Yes, there are different stresses and challenges all the time & one has SEN, which brings a lot of worry at times, but still nothing like constantly juggling those relentless early years. We can all do nice things together now, like go for meals or ice skating or days out without feeling like it could be total chaos at any moment. I rarely clean up vomit and don’t worry about anyone wetting themselves.

They also ( touch wood) don’t get ill so much, whereas in the nursery and early primary years it felt constant, especially the “ back to back chicken pox” phase, or the constant nit combing at times!

I do miss when they were small like that at times and I look fondly at photos, but it is much easier today and I would never pretend otherwise.

Following the birth of our desperately wanted daughter, after several miscarriages, one person said to me "Now your problems will REALLY start!"

4 to 12 is the golden years in my opinion anything before and after is hard. So basically primary school. And before anyone comes for me this is just my experience and I understand all children are different and have different needs.

@TwoBabas

you know what I think? The people who say that, especially those they bang on about how hard the teenage years are, are not very good parents.

wouldn’t say that anywhere other than an anonymous forum like mumsnet.

but honestly if you have a hard time with teens a lot of it is your earlier parenting mistakes coming back at you.

Seeing it up close, those that have the hardest time are the ones in denial about that (thinking of some relatives here, so close enough to see the mistakes and their consequences).

YANBU.

A lot of people seemed happy to goad me whenever I complained of pregnancy insomnia, with "just you wait".

Well, I waited, and he's four weeks old now. Is he sleeping through the night? Of course not. But the sleep is far, FAR better than being stuck awake for hours and hours for no damn reason during pregnancy.

Some of the women who said this have faces like slapped arses when I tell them that he and I slept in until 11am.

It's not the truth, it's the gleeful, twatty delivery that offends.

18 months between eldest 2 and it was way harder than having 3 under 5.
of course it gets easier- some people like to make other people feel shit.

People say all the time on here how hard Y6/7 is especially for girls. It's to do with their hormones etc. I have found it very challenging. I think if you have autistic pre-teens/teens it is a tricky age. Yes, easier in some ways but harder in others.

Yanbu. It’s a mean thing to say anyway, telling people their difficult life won’t get easier.
What’s even worse is people saying “haha, it gets worse! Wait till they’re teenagers!” and things like that. When I was sleep deprived and in despair trying to cope with premature baby twins who screamed incessantly, the last thing I needed was people laughing and saying my life was going to get worse in the future. Which it didn’t.

What a stupid comment. So when a teenager struggles with mh and starts self harming or develops an eating disorder or gets in an abusive relationship its the parents fault. As a parent you have very little control over the decisions your 16/17 year old makes

what you really need is a tub of chocolate icecream. with chocolate chunks in it and chocolate sauce and nuts on top.

and next time someone says such a bullshit line to you, just bare your teeth. important not to smile just bare your teeth.

I've got a teen it definitely DOES get easier op. Lovely and peaceful.

Yanbu. Mine are 19 and 16 and having a baby and toddler was easily the hardest time. It gradually got easier the older they got.

@Fernsfernsferns oooh controversial 😅 I don't agree. Hormones, problems at school or with friends, social media, SEN issues becoming more apparent in the more demanding secondary school environment. None of these are due to parenting during the early years. You may have been lucky with your teens. Count your blessings! Others are not so lucky.

I am quite intrigued what these parenting mistakes are?

Teens go through a lot of emotional stuff and if someone says their DC hasn't because of their good parenting, I don't think I'd believe them.

I agree. It’s like they actually want you to suffer even more. Wouldn’t it be great if people tried to be helpful, comforting and reassuring instead, and offered to support you if you did hit difficult times.

I agree it's not a nice thing to say and I'd never say it to another mum. But still I think a lot easier in some ways, but harder in others.