SIL has told me I can't give my baby a certain name because I "didn't try" for my baby and she has been trying for years

[Dramatic]

So me and SIL are both pregnant. She is due around a month after me. I have two daughters already and she has a 4 year old son.

She has been trying for a baby since her son was about a year old, she's had two miscarriages (I had a miscarriage between my two daughters so I understand how painful it can be and I've always been very supportive with her)

When I fell pregnant this time we hadn't been trying and it was a bit of an "accident" for want of a better word. We found out at a similar time but it turns out I'm further along than I thought, she became instantly frosty towards me and outright told me I'd "stolen her limelight" because I'd got pregnant just before her. I tried to just ignore this and put it down to her still being upset about the previous miscarriages etc.

However, we were discussing names recently and I said I was thinking of calling my baby a name and she straight away said "no you can't do that because I'm calling mine X" she then followed up by saying I should let her have first choice because she tried so hard for her baby and I didn't try at all. For context the names are very similar , think Georgie and Georgia (not the actual names)

AIBU to be really annoyed about what she's insinuating here, almost like my baby isn't wanted so I should give up the name I love?

Never discuss baby names

Is it a name you love? Or just one on a list? I think she's being unreasonable but I also think miscarriages mess with your head (and having two brings a greater feeling of hopelessness than one). Don't let this stuff spoil your pregnancy.

She can fuck off, use the name you like, she won't magically be nice to you if you don't.

Same as above. Do not discuss baby names. I'd personally choose another name only for the sake of keeping the peace but tell no one what it is.

Do not entertain her utter nonsense..

Does the name have any special significance to her? Ie. Her Grandmother's name? If so, then that’s a valid reason not to use it.

However, there’s no top trumos about which baby is more important.

Unless that's the only name you want I would choose a different one. It's very different having one miscarriage to having more than one and struggling to get pregnant (she's obviously struggled when you look at the age gap). She will mentally be in a very difficult place and full of anxiety, just let her have the name she wants.

No family significance for either of the names.

She sounds like she belongs at primary school. I tried harder for a baby than you so I get to use the name we both like. It's very childish but depends how much you like the name. If you've got your heart set on it then go with it. If it's one of a list then I'd just let her have it.

Refuse to discuss names further. The name she has said she wants is off limits, but a similar feeling name is not. (Eg you could have a Isobel if she was set on Bella, but accept you couldn’t use the Belle nickname with that side of the family)

I am realising my mistake now, I'm totally kicking myself for telling her the name

I agree this is why discussing names never ends well. But she sounds pretty wild. How did you get on before she had these sad losses? I think I’d tend towards wanting to let her have it, unless you adore the name, it’s probably not the hill to die on. In the long term, harmonious relationships are more important than showing someone how unreasonable they’ve been.

Would you be happy with your baby having a near identical name though?

I'd choose again. Not for her sake but for your baby's sake, so that they have their own identity.

She's cracked & rude!

whether the baby is from IVF, surprise within a good relationship or a ONS is completely irrelevant.

IF she had said 'oh really, we're calling ours Georgina (Georgie for short) after my Grandmother that's one thing, closing first dibs because the baby is planned is just stupid & nasty.

parents of the first baby born get to choose the name, second set get to choose whether to also use the name or choose something else.

if she's normally ok then talk to her about why that name is important to her then decide. If she's usually an entitled pain in the arse, tell her YOU will choose your baby's name & she can use the same name if it's that important to her or choose another one.

She’s batshit. Changing the name wont magically make her less batshit. Use whatever name you want.

I can't believe people are justifying the SIL because she's had 2 miscarriages and op has only had 1, how immature and completely disgusting.

Whatever baby is born first gets first choice.

Your SIL is selfish and rude. I would minimise what information I share with her, minimise contact with her and call my child whatever I want. I would not want to be part of her drama.

Just say “yes no problem I’ve gone off that name anyway’ if you decide not to use it. If it’s that popular you might not want to anyway. Her reasoning for priority over a band is unreasonable and hurtful though

Use whatever name you like

Be honest with her ...she's choosen to distance herself so you'll be naming your baby to suit your family/self as you'll be going forward with the birth/baby years without her

Is yours going to be born first?

This is what you do.

Take a few photos of a random cat/budgie/hamster, whatever. Pretend you have adopted it and use the chosen name for it. Post relentlessly about it on all sorts of SM, with photos.

She'll give up the name.

You then swoop and use it and delete all posts about the pretend pet.

Job done.

She is being utterly ridiculous.

Just ignore her and name your baby what you want to name your baby.

Never discuss baby names before the baby is here going forward.

People are justifying her behaviour, not the request
She's been through a lot and so might be acting irrationally - not that she's asking something that is fair.

I have had 3 miscarriages on the trot so I trump SIL. I've also had my baby name stolen twice - but they were boy names so I wouldn't have used them.

I would enjoy your baby whatever you call her. SIL is more than a tad entitled and this is not going to be the last time this sort of thing happens. Choose the name you like and stick with it. No one owns a name. And remember she's copying you