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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL has told me I can't give my baby a certain name because I "didn't try" for my baby and she has been trying for years

214 replies

Dramatic · 18/11/2023 21:22

So me and SIL are both pregnant. She is due around a month after me. I have two daughters already and she has a 4 year old son.

She has been trying for a baby since her son was about a year old, she's had two miscarriages (I had a miscarriage between my two daughters so I understand how painful it can be and I've always been very supportive with her)

When I fell pregnant this time we hadn't been trying and it was a bit of an "accident" for want of a better word. We found out at a similar time but it turns out I'm further along than I thought, she became instantly frosty towards me and outright told me I'd "stolen her limelight" because I'd got pregnant just before her. I tried to just ignore this and put it down to her still being upset about the previous miscarriages etc.

However, we were discussing names recently and I said I was thinking of calling my baby a name and she straight away said "no you can't do that because I'm calling mine X" she then followed up by saying I should let her have first choice because she tried so hard for her baby and I didn't try at all. For context the names are very similar , think Georgie and Georgia (not the actual names)

AIBU to be really annoyed about what she's insinuating here, almost like my baby isn't wanted so I should give up the name I love?

OP posts:
DanceMumTaxi · 18/11/2023 21:47

Yeah don’t tell anyone the names. Are you both having the same?

HerMammy · 18/11/2023 21:49

I know two sisters who have sons with identical names, about two years apart and yes the sisters are close, bit odd.

MeridianB · 18/11/2023 21:49

She sounds babyish herself. Just ignore it all, step back, let her enjoy all the gender reveal and baby shower attention she wants. And use whatever name you like!

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 18/11/2023 21:50

TomatoSandwiches · 18/11/2023 21:37

I can't believe people are justifying the SIL because she's had 2 miscarriages and op has only had 1, how immature and completely disgusting.

Whatever baby is born first gets first choice.

Edited

I agree. It's not pregnancy loss top trumps. I've had miscarriages, my children aren't more special than the child of someone who has "only" had one (or the child of someone who has never miscarried), nor was I more deserving of my own way during pregnancy.

Use the name, she being absolutely ridiculous.

MyPenIsHuge · 18/11/2023 21:50

She can fuck right off. Use whatever name you want to.

Dweetfidilove · 18/11/2023 21:52

Why do people pander to this batshittery.

Your baby will be born first - call him/her whatever you want 🤦🏾‍♀️.

Mumofoneandone · 18/11/2023 21:53

Just use the name you want.....in my family we had cousins with the same name (tho 1 male, 1 female). And then another set of cousins with same name but called by different shortened names......it works itself out.

HardcoreLadyType · 18/11/2023 21:53

I think she’s being unreasonable, but it’s just a potential name for an as yet unborn child.

I would ditch the name, but not discuss names further with anyone but your DH.

Topsyturvy78 · 18/11/2023 21:54

She's being a brat tell her to pissoff.

Coyoacan · 18/11/2023 21:57

If she were a stranger I'd tell her to f off, but as she could well be in your life for many years to come and she is mother of your children's cousins, let her have her way on this one and but down on contact

spidermonkeys · 18/11/2023 21:58

Mumofoneandone · 18/11/2023 21:53

Just use the name you want.....in my family we had cousins with the same name (tho 1 male, 1 female). And then another set of cousins with same name but called by different shortened names......it works itself out.

Same. My sister and I have very similar names for our DC. It's also the middle name of many family members in different forms. (Louise, Louis, Louie, Louisa)

Go for the same/similar name if you love it op. It'll work itself out.

HeavenCANTwait · 18/11/2023 21:59

Well Georgie and Georgia are not the same name

Neither is Ellie and Ella - totally different

So use what you want

LilyThePinksDealer · 18/11/2023 22:00

You can have the same name in the family - no one owns a name

Original poster
Dramatic · 18/11/2023 22:01

coldcallerbaiter · 18/11/2023 21:40

Is yours going to be born first?

More than likely yes, I only have 4 weeks to go and won't be allowed to go over my due date. We agreed on this name for a girl quite early on in pregnancy so it's going to be right back to the drawing board if we have to change it now.

OP posts:
trainboundfornowhere · 18/11/2023 22:01

I know two sisters with the same first name as each was named after a different grandmother but 1 is known as Chrissie and 1 as Tina. Use the name you love.

Original poster
Dramatic · 18/11/2023 22:03

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 18/11/2023 21:50

I agree. It's not pregnancy loss top trumps. I've had miscarriages, my children aren't more special than the child of someone who has "only" had one (or the child of someone who has never miscarried), nor was I more deserving of my own way during pregnancy.

Use the name, she being absolutely ridiculous.

Show quote history

This is what I think, my baby will be no less loved than hers. What she's said has really quite upset me. I just have no idea what to do now.

OP posts:
Iwasafool · 18/11/2023 22:03

HerMammy · 18/11/2023 21:49

I know two sisters who have sons with identical names, about two years apart and yes the sisters are close, bit odd.

My aunts were the same but my cousins are closer in age. They both liked the name, it was a family name with a big emotional tie so they both used it. My one cousin used the full name the other a shortened version so like one is James and one is Jim. No one in the family ever mentioned it being odd.

Butchyrestingface · 18/11/2023 22:04

She sounds like a big baby herself. Stop discussing your baby with her. She is not on her your side at the moment. Hopefully only a temporary hormonal blip.

romdowa · 18/11/2023 22:05

If your baby is born first then use the name you want. That's just the luck of the draw really

Original poster
Dramatic · 18/11/2023 22:06

HeavenCANTwait · 18/11/2023 21:59

Well Georgie and Georgia are not the same name

Neither is Ellie and Ella - totally different

So use what you want

Yes this is the sort of similarity, not the same name but very very similar

OP posts:
xyz111 · 18/11/2023 22:09

Is this your DH's sister? What does he say?

ghostestwiththemostest · 18/11/2023 22:10

It's tough, particularly if she'd had that name in mind for the years that she was trying and was longing to use it. And then it does seem unfair if suddenly you use it when you haven't been trying or wanting to use that name for as long. It's really tough. I kind of think that you should both use it if it's very similar but not identical. How would you feel if she told you that she was going to use it anyway? Would it bother you if they were called the same?

RachelFuchsalot · 18/11/2023 22:10

Just use the name you like. Don't overthink it.

olivialennox · 18/11/2023 22:11

You were pregnant first so technically she stole YOUR limelight 😜

In all seriousness just don’t discuss names ever, until baby is born and you announce it.

Edf · 18/11/2023 22:12

Don’t have an answer on names either way but just to offer a bit of food for thought- I got pregnant with dd after years of issues- sil 10 weeks later- first try, luckily we had no name clashes but coming out of years of infertility it defo messes with you and does a lot of mh damage that isn’t that easy to identify from the outside, I would maybe just consider her name issue may be more than just that- maybe she’s still suffering a bit that her life didn’t pan out exactly as expected, maybe a bit resentful of you getting pregnant without trying (nothing against you- just the notion that you could do what she couldn’t) and is just manifesting in a way that she’s coming across unreasonable whilst she is most likely just a little jealous that you did what she always wanted to. I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all- but I think she might just be expressing her years of anxiety and pain through this one area she thinks she can control - but- saying that- it is not your fault and you name your child whatever you want 😊