SIL has told me I can't give my baby a certain name because I "didn't try" for my baby and she has been trying for years

[Dramatic]

So me and SIL are both pregnant. She is due around a month after me. I have two daughters already and she has a 4 year old son.

She has been trying for a baby since her son was about a year old, she's had two miscarriages (I had a miscarriage between my two daughters so I understand how painful it can be and I've always been very supportive with her)

When I fell pregnant this time we hadn't been trying and it was a bit of an "accident" for want of a better word. We found out at a similar time but it turns out I'm further along than I thought, she became instantly frosty towards me and outright told me I'd "stolen her limelight" because I'd got pregnant just before her. I tried to just ignore this and put it down to her still being upset about the previous miscarriages etc.

However, we were discussing names recently and I said I was thinking of calling my baby a name and she straight away said "no you can't do that because I'm calling mine X" she then followed up by saying I should let her have first choice because she tried so hard for her baby and I didn't try at all. For context the names are very similar , think Georgie and Georgia (not the actual names)

AIBU to be really annoyed about what she's insinuating here, almost like my baby isn't wanted so I should give up the name I love?

He's ready to go in all guns blazing and tell her where to go. I'd really rather he doesn't do this as I'd love for our kids to have a good relationship growing up, we don't have a lot of family close by and I feel like it would be a real shame for this relationship to be ruined. But then I am reluctant to just roll over and give up the name we love. Completely in two minds

Is she your husband’s sister? If so, he needs to tell her it’s his choice too.

I do feel a bit sorry for her though. She probably has raging hormones and can’t help how she feels , even if it is hugely unreasonable!

YABU even discussing this with her.

Many people in the same family have the same name and families just work out a way of identifying everyone.
Think James Smith senior who goes by Jim and James Smith junior who goes by James or JJ ( James junior).
Use the name you like

Why would you change it? She's only just told you her name the children won't see that much of each other especially when older. She can change the name if she wants but she shouldn't be bullying you

Yeah I do understand this which is one of the reasons why I didn't start an argument with her when she said it and one of the reasons why I'm unsure how reasonable/unreasonable I am to feel this way.

The girls will probably like it. Annie and Anna? Olive and Olivia? It'll be fun for them.

I'm guessing she means that even though your baby is coming first, she's been planning for a baby for longer and thinking of names for longer. Rather than your child being less loved in any way.

I'd tell her that the name belongs to your baby already because you've chosen it early on in the pregnancy, and you didn't realise that she had a similar name in mind but it really feels like your baby's name now. And say that you'd have no problem with two cousins Georgia and Georgie, leaving the choice up to her.

She is obviously being a dick but I think if I was in your situation id choose another name as id feel that name was now tainted by her.

She will get over it. People do get possessive over baby names, I'm guilty of it too but never to the point of saying anything. One of my close friends has started saying she's going to name her child my (7 year old) daughter's name and if I'm honest, I don't like it (she's told DD this, who turned to me and said "but that's my name, mum", so she's not keen either). But of course, my child isn't the only person in the world with that name, it is what it is, so I am just smiling and nodding at her about it. Your SIL will survive, it's not even the same name. Maybe go OTT about how adorable it will be that the cousins will have similar names.

Is it really necessary to go in 'all guns blazing'? Sounds a bit overbearing and confrontational to me. You just say that you have thought about it and will be keeping the name you originally chose and which was discussed during your conversation.

It’s a bit surprising that no one can empathise with the SIL. It is very difficult not to get pregnant/have losses and see your friends and family ‘use up’ all the names you’d wanted to use for your baby (if it’s ever eventually born). No one is entitled to a name, but I do wonder whether she actually feels desperate rather than thinking her baby is more important. In the five years it took to have children, all the names I’d wanted to pick were used by other people and so we couldn’t pick them and had to choose something different. So it wasn’t only getting pregnant that didn’t go to plan, it was also names that didn’t. It seemed even more unfair somehow.

My OH gave my top baby name to his sister when I was pregnant = in a don't use this - and she used a very similar name. I was kicked him for telling her - and to be honest it was no surprise she took the name - she is a very selfish person . It did tarnish the relationships (she was not even brave enough to tell OH, we found out through a friend).

In the end the baby did not fit the name,, and a different one on the list fitted far better. However, suck it, had the name of been right they would have ended up similar.

If you like a name - don't tell anyone until the child is named - then they can't say anything anyway.

My SIL and I had babies 1 month apart (mine first) and the name they chose was very close to the one we chose. It annoyed me slightly at the time, especially as my mum kept getting them mixed up all the time, but it isn't an issue at all now as they have their own distinct personalities. I think pregnancy hormones can make people a bit unreasonable (your SIL), and she will probably look back on this in embarrassment after the babies are born. Go ahead and name your baby exactly what you want to!

Nobody gets to dictate what name you and your DH call your new baby. If you back down on this one they'll possibly be another "you can't have" scenario whether it be pram/cot/clothes/school, whatever it maybe at the time of her choosing.
Just pick the name/names you like and stick to it.

Why should that matter? The OP can call her baby whatever name she wants and there is no reason to explain.

In that case she is a twat. And sounds about 12 years old.

She's in the wrong Op, but I'd pick a different name anyway. It's not worth the hassle.

Use the name you want or you will be resentful. I know I would be!!

So, is this name worth giving up this good relationship for?

To be honest, both of you are being a bit silly about the whole thing, but pregnancy hormones can make you very emotional about petty things, as I’m sure you know.

If she were always making unreasonable demands, then maybe you should stick to your guns, but really, it doesn’t sound like that is the case.

There are so many lovely names. Just choose another one.

That little dream of playing happy families is a pipe dream with crazy like her. Use the name and put her on mute. She won’t be any nicer as she ages, she’ll get worse.

Jesus! So what if they get the same name? Half of my cousins have my grandmother’s name and all the boys on the other side of the family have the same name or close variations of my grandfather’s name. I can assure you we never get confused about who is who.

if you want to step down to her level, you can tell her that if she liked the name so much, she could have given it to her first child.

Just ignore her and do not ever discuss babies with her again, she surely has the my-child-is-better-than-yours competitiveness that won’t go away whateever you do or don’t.

Don't give in to it OP, your baby is just as important as hers regardless of how and when the baby was conceived. You're potentially going to have years of this kind
of thing as they grow up so close in age. If you pander to it now she'll think you're accepting what she's saying as the truth.

If you love the name, use it- she's more than welcome to use hers and it will be just the way it is. Would she think it's reasonable if someone who's had 3 miscarriages or had to have IVF for their baby to make out their baby is more wanted? Absolutely she wouldn't and rightly so.

Don't settle on any names yet, keep looking as you might find one you love equally. It will probably be easier to keep the names different. I'm due in a week and we have been thinking of names for the entire pregnancy and some I loved at the beginning are off the list now due to negative connotations I didn't think about at the beginning.

I have two nephews with the same name, and surname. It wasn't too much of an issue in the end. They used their own names, we differentiated them by our own nicknames for them.