Grew balls and called DB out . Nightmare holiday

[Pinkyyogapanties]

Over the past few years DB has been rude to me and caused me upset . I’ve chosen to swallow his comments but it’s hurt . DM said she doesn’t want conflict so lets DB’s behaviour slide .

side note - Db is very successful and a total alpha .

After a terrible holiday with extended family , DB sent me a message saying he had enjoyed the trip and wanted to book the same villa next spring .

For the first time ever I grew some strength . I said that I had not enjoyed the holiday and found it stressful and would not go again And would have appreciated some more support . I didn’t say he was a tosser which he was !!!!

DB fired back a message saying if I wasn’t happy it was my problem and that he wouldn’t be held responsible for me not enjoying the holiday and he was focused on his children . It was a cold and defensive message .

It been a month since the message and we have had no contact . I am guessing that DB will now ignore me and cut communication. I know he is proud and will now view me as a ‘nightmare ‘ woman who is way sensitive and pathetic . Okay I don’t know that but I am quite sure he will think this !

I am now kicking myself for saying anything . Why didn’t I just stay quiet ??

Now I am wondering , Was I being sensitive ??
Have I ruined our relationship. ( it was very strained though as his bloody rude !)
I

There have been so many times DB has been rude and I know this holiday was the straw that broke the camels back !
But I feel sad DB and I will most likely not repair this . I now am kicking myself for saying anything .

Ahhhhhhhh

You didn't enjoy the holiday. And now you don't have to do the same again and you can pick a holiday you like next year. That is a positive.

Depends what he did on this holiday! But, you're entitled to associate with whom you please, so you're not unreasonable.

Sounds like your life would be better without having to go on holiday with you.

Or without him speaking to you tbh.

I'd consider this a win.

Honestly OP?

Fuck him. And your mum for not standing up to him.

Why on earth would you want people like him (them) in your life? You are entitled to respect and manners, anyone who puts up with being abused is a bloody fool and masochist.

He's a grade A cunt and your mum is weak and quite happy for you to suffer to keep the quiet life.

Come on, give yourself a shake and grow a backbone!

Well it's no great loss is it.
You've said he's a rude shit, he's not going to suddenly improve. Enjoy the peace and not having to bite your tongue or put up with him on holidays. Sounds like a win to me!

Not much of a holiday if you didn't enjoy it and the thought of doing it again sounds more like something depressing rather than something to look forward to.

You've already told them you didn't enjoy it if next years is brought up just say no thanks and do your own thing.

If your brother says anything just tell him it's because he behaves like an arse.

If he is the kind of person that will take such umbrage at your message, and not speak to you but expect you to apologise, and view you as a "nightmare" and "pathetic", is it really any loss?

So only people with balls are brave?
Otherwise he's an arse. Hth

He sounds just like my sister who is v narcissistic. It will never be their fault and you’re always the sensitive one. Deeply insecure people deep down. Poor them

You spoke the truth. Hold steady.

You stuck up for yourself for a reason - don’t capitulate now. Well done, by the way.

You stood up to a bully and he threw his toys out of the pram. Let him stew.

What did he do? Hard to advise without context

Sounds a lot like my brother. I think you were very brave to speak up like that. I understand completely how your experience of a crap holiday isn’t matched by his and your mother . My family are blind to their “foibles” (aka bullying and manipulation) and are genuine surprised if I try to suggest my experience is different, and yes they get sulky too.

if you genuinely don’t want to go again, stand your ground and have a holiday you will enjoy. They’ll get used to the new you eventually and if they don’t are they worth your effort?

Why was the holiday stressful and what did you need more support with? Who was on the holiday?

Well done. No point in spending time and money on holidays you don't enjoy.

If you want to send an Olive branch, Christmas could be a good time. Just because you don't want to holiday together doesn't have to mean no relationship at all.

He doesn't sound like a good person to have in your life. Sorry. 💐

Don't kick yourself OP. Well done. You should be proud of yourself, he needed to be told. I suspect he will ignore it and carry on regardless as alpha bores like him usually ignore everything they don't want to hear. But that is not your problem. I would be telling DM what you told him too so she hears your side of it directly. If she says she doesn't like conflict, say that's fine but you won't be a doormat so she can avoid it. I hope you have a much nicer holiday next year.

You’re sad that you won’t have the relationship with the person you wish he was. He’s not that person.

I think he liked having you there as someone to feel superior to. You have now refused to be that person, so he is butt hurt that you are not fulfilling your “proper” role within the family dynamic.

What went wrong on holiday?

If your brother cuts all contact with you over one message where you spoke your mind, then you may need to face the fact that there is little strength in the relationship. Relationships worth having uplift us (so it doesn't past muster there!) and have a resilience that means they can withstand hearing something they don't like on occasion. Given you're generally not confrontational a normal response from someone who cared for you would be concern and a desire to resolve. Instead, your brother, used to being applauded for everything he does, has chosen to dismiss you. No one in your life should treat you without any regard unless you say and do the things they want to hear all the time. Just because he's your brother he shouldn't be the exception.

Yeah, feels like we are missing a lot of information really.

It depends on what happened OP. Who knows if you're being sensitive without that bit of info.

Love your username. One of my favourite places in the toon.

What did you need support with (which you didn't get)/find stressful about the trip?

I wanted to say well done for telling him how you felt. You're not pathetic, far from it.