Grew balls and called DB out . Nightmare holiday

[Pinkyyogapanties]

Over the past few years DB has been rude to me and caused me upset . I’ve chosen to swallow his comments but it’s hurt . DM said she doesn’t want conflict so lets DB’s behaviour slide .

side note - Db is very successful and a total alpha .

After a terrible holiday with extended family , DB sent me a message saying he had enjoyed the trip and wanted to book the same villa next spring .

For the first time ever I grew some strength . I said that I had not enjoyed the holiday and found it stressful and would not go again And would have appreciated some more support . I didn’t say he was a tosser which he was !!!!

DB fired back a message saying if I wasn’t happy it was my problem and that he wouldn’t be held responsible for me not enjoying the holiday and he was focused on his children . It was a cold and defensive message .

It been a month since the message and we have had no contact . I am guessing that DB will now ignore me and cut communication. I know he is proud and will now view me as a ‘nightmare ‘ woman who is way sensitive and pathetic . Okay I don’t know that but I am quite sure he will think this !

I am now kicking myself for saying anything . Why didn’t I just stay quiet ??

Now I am wondering , Was I being sensitive ??
Have I ruined our relationship. ( it was very strained though as his bloody rude !)
I

There have been so many times DB has been rude and I know this holiday was the straw that broke the camels back !
But I feel sad DB and I will most likely not repair this . I now am kicking myself for saying anything .

Ahhhhhhhh

is it any wonder? With a mother who has watched this play out between her children and done squat all to address it.

don’t let your children ever see anyone speak to you the way your DB has spoken to you for… well, decades.

Break the cycle

He booked a boat trip for the middle of the afternoon and demanded my parents went along to take pictures of him and his family on the boat . So they had to cancel the plans they had made to help me

your mother didn’t “have” to do any such thing.

She chose to

Your mother’s son wakes in and “snapped” at her.
What did she say?

Bro is a bully no one stands up to him. U did and he threw his toys out of the pram. Good for u! Keep it up. Never apologise. Do parents treat him as the golden child? Has he always been like this? Keep away and remember u did gd. Leave him to it ....

Protect her mother? The one who has enabled her bully son to treat her daughter like garbage since childhood? Who guilts and manipulates her daughter to accept the abuse, stay quiet, and not protest? That mother?

Yeah, no. Mom can reap what she’s sown. She enabled abuse of one kid by the other. She’s always been the adult in the situation. Absolutely NOT @Pinkyyogapanties job to make things better for the person who SHOULD have fixed the situation and protected her in the first place

Sounds like you went on holiday hoping to be upset.

Sounds like an utter utter c**t. I'd say enjoy your radio silence and long may it last. I would list all these nasty things he's said if anyone challenge what you did. Amazing job standing up for yourself and your real family.

Hi Bro
Sorry we have different ideas of what we want on holiday. I'm glad you enjoyed it but it didn't work for me. Holidays aside let's make sure we keep in touch as I know you think family us important.

Luv you bro.

Gets a response, great, no response, you tried, he's not worth it.

did you read the op?

why on earth would you apologise?

and that teenage snivelling end to the message?

“Bro, there is nothing more that i would have loved than a lovely family holiday, and it would be wonderful for it to become an annual tradition. But i didn’t love it. in fact far from that love it, I felt uncomfortable and sad that my brother spoke to me the way you did many times. As a result, i have no enthusiasm for any further family holidays unless you and i can have a proper chat about the way you speak (and treat) me.”

I would say though, that if I sent a nice text to someone saying that I had a nice holiday with them and they text me back berating me for their crap time I'd be a bit defensive too.

Why didn't you express what you needed on holiday when he could have done something about it?

You say you needed support, what did you mean by this?

very easy to send a “nice text”

but we are taking years, decades, of dismissive, rude and quite cruel behaviour

Are you the brother @timesaretight, or are you just someone with a similar lack of empathy?

It sounds to me more like the brother went on holiday expecting his parents and sister to happily accept their role as his support staff, and got most of what he wanted on that front so had a great time, and is now affronted to discover that his sister didn't relish a week of acting as his support staff due to the faxt that the sun doesn't actually shine out of his arse and it's not that great or desirable a privilege to serve him.

Didn't realise you had heard his side of the story, and therefore hold a balanced view.

DH has a sister like this sadly enabled by MIL who totally indulges her every whim. Although SIL is a difficult woman and MIL no better for indulging her I do think its a shame just as it is for you in this situation.

Eventually after a few disastrous family celebrations/events because of SIL behaviour/expectations DH has just refused to be part of them for over a decade and cant see that changing. between

Which is a shame for all of them really. Its hard when patterns of behaviour are set in stone for decades and a parent indulges it. All a shame really. And for DH its better to avoid these situations rather than go along with them and be resentful

He still sees them but he refuses to do any joint holidays

Oh please do tell his side of the story. We are all ears. You certainly were able to be nasty and judgemental to OP on the basis of all the info she supplied so you must have insider knowledge.

What is with the recent rush of clearly male posters coming to MN to whine that people don't get signed witness statements from everyone in the story before bringing it here? Exactly what sites are they frequenting elsewhere where they inevitably get both sides of the story?

Not judgemental. It is obvious she worked herself up before she went. Are that dim you don't recognise the problem.

It's just ordinary run-of-the-mill misogyny. The existence of MN must be infuriating to the kind of narcissistic controlling MRA that likes the kind of DARVO tactics seen above. Best ignored as it's not like anything they read on mn will ever actually penetrate. I must remember that.

It's not an apology, don't you understand the difference?
It's an admission, I'm sorry that you don't like what I like, therefore we can't enjoy the same things.

It's like good customer service, I'm sorry you are not happy with the meal, not I'm sorry its a crap meal, it's turning it round to the Bro in this instance. I'm sorry you don't like my post but that's your problem not mine, get it now maybe?

Regards the sign off, it's a tongue in cheek expression of the salutation that the OP would probably use. I personally wouldn't use it, but I expect the OP would be capable of her own sign off. I'm sorry you didn't understand that...its not an apology in case you are wondering.

@Ukrainebaby23

It's an admission, I'm sorry that you don't like what I like, therefore we can't enjoy the same things.

But why would the op be sorry about that? seriously. i am not “sorry” i don’t like the same food as my brother (who i adore), even though it makes catering a bit tricky

added to which - fact they don’t enjoy doing the same things is the least of the issue between these two siblings so seems bizarre to focus on that

I completely agree with the sentiment of what you’re saying here, but the fact is that far too many men do believe in this alpha male shit.
The stuff that comes out on social media directed towards men, showing them that “…this is what an alpha would do” is just horrendous.